In which two short features are presented.
Chelsea: So, when you gonna get married?
Kelsey: I like the phrasing, there. “Get married.” As in, “have marriage done to you.” That definitely sums up my feelings on the subject.
Kelsey: Do you think they serve pasta worms here?
Chelsea: I dunno. I was hoping to order crushed tubers and bird parts, myself.
Berjes: We also offer tuber parts and crushed birds, if you’re interested.
Berjes: Hey, he zoomed in!
I’ve been spending a lot of time in 2006, it was getting to me.
Berjes: Except this is happening in 2013, before you did that.
Grugly2013: I’m naturally attracted to redheads.
Berjes: That makes more sense.
Kelsey: I’ll have a schooldesk.
Berjes: We don’t serve schooldesks.
Kelsey: Alright, pasta worms then.
Berjes: We don’t serve stroke medication.
Berjes: Back off! I’m not that kind of redhead.
Don’t be this kind, either.
…holy FUCK that food looks good, from this angle!
That one just looks like a visual illustration of that song about spaghetti.
Kelsey: What’s “spaghetti”?
Kelsey: Nobody sneeze.
Chelsea: I’m glad we did this, Dylan.
I’m glad for crushed tubers and bird parts!
Chelsea: I know it’s weird, to hear this coming from me, but if you’re gonna live in that little shack next to, of all things, the power plant, you ought to drag someone down with you. I mean have someone move in with you.
Kelsey: How will I know if I’ve found the right person?
Chelsea: Mostly just make sure they can tolerate your grossest habits.
Kelsey: So, blind people, then.
Chelsea: What? GOD no! Blind people judge you for what’s inside, instead of your appearance! You do not want that!
Chelsea: You’re my daughter, Dylan. I know what’s inside you.
Chelsea: And tomato pulp, yes.
Kelsey: Can you tell me about my dad?
Chelsea: Not unless he’s literally right here, and I need your help killing him again.
Chelsea: I’m often reminded of him whenever I see someone who’s obviously just had the shit kicked out of them.
Kelsey: What happened to you, dude?
Sol: Grim Reaper sucked me up.
Chelsea: What did he say?
Kelsey: The Grim Reaper sucked him off.
Sol: Up! UP!
Kelsey: Why would the Grim Reaper suck him off?
Chelsea: Why are you changing the subject? You’re the one who brought your dad up.
Kelsey: I can tell you don’t want to talk about him.
Chelsea: I don’t want to talk NICELY about him. I could bitch and moan about Peter for hours and not get tired of it.
Chelsea: He was a murderer, a liar, a murderer, a cheat, a murderer, and a scoundrel, and a villain, and a murderer.
That’s a lot of murder.
Chelsea: Kaylynn was a big part of his life, and he was a big part of her deaths. Plural.
Kelsey: So why did you go out with him, then?
Chelsea: He had a big dick.
Berjes: Hey, cool! My arm’s broken.
Berjes: You alright? You look kinda… shaken.
Berjes: What’ll it be?
Sol: Got anything with aloe vera in it?
Abigail! I found you more relatives to fix!
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I’m not related to ALL the Murphies! Just the ones I’m currently fucking.
Kelsey: Bye! This is my chapter! Bye.
Kelsey: That outing!
Kelsey: And your TITS!
Kelsey: ARE/WERE AWESOME!
Chelsea: I finally found someone whose tit compliments I don’t desire.
Chelsea: It’s been great getting to know you today, and yesterday, Kelsey.
Esther: Ewww get it off get it off
Kelsey: Who’s Kelsey?
Kelsey: My name’s Dylan.
Dylan: …Dylan Kelsey, let’s say.
Chelsea: Are you just seeing how many times you can make him update your nameplate?
Dylan Kelsey: Maybe. What if I want my last name on there, too? Dylan Kelsey Price?
Gruglette Prime: Don’t push your luck, kid.
Esther: Who was that, anyway?
Dylan Kelsey Price.
Dylan Kelsey: Hey, th…anks…?
I’m not putting it in your NAMEPLATE, though.
I wish you’d move your mouth more.
While you’re by yourself.
With nobody to talk to.
…my wishes are stupid.
Gonna try another one-way phone call?
Nick: Just a sec, let me get out my Morse Code Breathing Handbook.
Dylan Kelsey: I thought he’d’ve memorized my breathing by now.
Dylan Kelsey: I could marry the Barenaked Ladies guy, he’s probably rich.
He’s actually just some dude.
Dylan Kelsey: What?! I fucked just some DUDE?!
DID you fuck him?
Dylan Kelsey: Probably! I know him! Probably!
Nick: Hey baby, let’s know each other.
Dylan Kelsey: I think our relationship has moved beyond knowledge, Nick.
Dylan Kelsey: It’s time we moved on to understanding.
Dylan Kelsey: Life is too short to waste, you know?
Nick: You’re proposing-
Dylan Kelsey: Yes!
Nick: -that we do anal, tonight?
Dylan Kelsey: Stick this up your ass.
Dylan Kelsey: Ya ass-sticker.
Nick: I wasn’t gonna stick anything up my ass.
Nick: My ass is off-limits.
Dylan Kelsey: We’ll call that our prenuptial agreement.
Nick: Let’s agree to disrobe.
Dylan Kelsey: In thickness and in filth.
’til the recognition that this was a terrible mistake do you part.
Nick: The best part about parting is reconnecting.
Dylan Kelsey: We’ve connected so many times already!
Nick: But it’s always new to me!
Dylan Kelsey: Aww!
Nick: Because of the different kinds of lube you use.
Dylan Kelsey: Aww!
Nick: Why is your name all different?
Dylan Kelsey: I reconnected with my mom!
Dylan Kelsey: I didn’t mean it THAT way.
Nick: I’d totally understand! Your mom is hot.
DON’T CROSS THE CROSSES!
Oh god, oh god.
A ++++ relationship!
IT’S TOO BIG TO FAIL
Nick: So you’re using the name your mom gave you, now.
Dylan Kelsey: Yep.
Nick: AND the name your KIDNAPPER gave you.
Dylan Kelsey: …it sounds stupid when you put it that way.
Nick: No, “Dylan Kelsey” is what sounds stupid.
Dylan Kelsey: I like it!
Nick: I’m gonna start calling you “DK.” Like “Donkey Kong.”
Dylan Kelsey: JUST “DYLAN” IT IS, THEN
Dylan: Pretty sure someone his age would’ve gone with “Death Knight,” though.
Dylan: Thank you for the chapters.
Back at you.
Chelsea: Thank you for the-
I ACCEPT NO INANIMATE THANKS, THANKS!
I thought for a moment that was my first occasion of using static shots with changing light levels to show the passage of time.
Grugly2013: Aww, were you all proud of me?
Barenaked Ladies Guy: ♪ Somebody help meeeeee ♪
♪ Because I’m ♪
Dylan: ♪ Gettin’ out of bed ♪
♪Just like Brian Wilson does, frequently ♪
Dylan: ♪ As do many other people ♪
♪ Why are we still singing ♪
Dylan: ♪ Because you’re an idiot ♪
Next time: repeat engagement.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 23 February 2013.