Oh, I hope you’re not expecting this to be leading to something.
‘cuz it’s probably not.
This chapter does not represent the present visual quality of the Chronicles! It’s grody and uncropped and older than the iPhone, and so compressed it’s frankly hilarious. Don’t hold it against me; it’s not beautiful enough!
We’re just here for the ride, you know?
Valerie: I certainly am.
Leon: Well then, what are we not-riding for?!
Valerie: We’re Family Sims, you and I. We need to take this slow.
Leon: Neither of us look like slow-takers.
Valerie: Well. You kinda look like a slow up-taker.
Leon: Did you just call me stupid?!
Valerie: No, I just called you stupid-looking.
Leon: Okay, that’s fair.
Valerie: I certainly am.
Leon: You certainly are.
Leon: Do you think we should check around, see if there’s anyone hotter we can score?
Valerie: I was planning on scoring hotter after marrying you.
Leon: I’m glad you’re as much of a bitch as I am.
Leon: I couldn’t think of a male equivalent.
Valerie: No, you’re right, you’re a bitch.
Leon: Yours, presumably.
Valerie: As long as I want you.
Leon: How long will that be?
Valerie: As long as I want it to be.
Leon: You’ll want me as long as you want to want me?
Valerie: This is even less sane than that Cheap Trick song.
Grugly’s OCD: Sanity is over-rated.
Rating is over-rated.
Leon: Boobs aren’t.
Valerie: Try having them.
Leon: No, you can hold on to them for me.
Valerie: Only if you hold on to me for me.
Man, I love that song.
“I Want You To Want Me.” I’m bopping in my chair.
Grugly2006: Yeah, let me put that on. It’s awesome.
Valerie: I feel like we’re missing out.
Leon: That’s what we get for staying in.
Leon: I want to be in you.
Valerie: Your tongue’s making a good start!
Holy shit, this song’s so bouncy.
Leon: Man, everything is about boobs right now.
I’m surprised ’06 was able to tear his gaze away from the boobs long enough to notice that the walls were down.
Grugly2006: The allure isn’t as strong when they’re this far away.
Grugly2006: So, what’re you up to today?
Grugly2006: Yeah, me too.
Grugly2006: Two more chapters, huh?
Grugly2006: What then?
We move on to the next supplement.
Grugly2006: What’s that?
Our first real custom neighbourhood!
Grugly2006: I can’t wait!
You won’t see it.
Grugly2006: What? Why not?
It’s a Grugly2007 joint.
Grugly2006: You mean you’re gonna leave me here with this Maxis terrain and these Maxis house and these Maxoids?!
I guess I could bring you with me, there’s no law against it or anything.
Grugly2006: What if Grugly2007 hates me?
Okay, even YOU can’t be antisocial to YOURSELF.
Grugly2006: I mean, that’s basically what you and I have been doing this entire time.
Yeah, well, if you’d STOP BEING SO INCOMPETENT
I don’t want to bring you to 2007 and see that you’re still whacking that “C” key for no reason.
Grugly2006: What makes you think Grugly2007 will be any better?
It’s what’s for idiots.
Grugly2006: So, what is the new neighbourhood?
It’s called Autumn Heights. You only play it for the space of about two chapters before starting a new version, which lasts a long time.
Grugly2006: What’s the new version called?
Grugly2006: Never been good at letting go, have we.
The fact that I’m hanging around with you, here, is a testament to that.
Grugly2006: I still kinda feel like you live in a bad future, and you’re hiding its contours from me.
I told you about the virus and the police violence.
Grugly2006: I feel like there’s something else.
Well, I’ll write you to not feel that way, then.
Grugly2006: Maybe you could give me information about the future, and I could create a skewed timeline where things work out for us!
I don’t see how that would help me.
Grugly2006: It would help me, though.
I don’t see how that would help me.
Grugly2006: How much of this chapter is just these two making out?
Pff, like, half of it.
Valerie: I’m gonna need a tall drink of water, then.
Leon: Baby, you’re my tall drink of water.
Valerie: I’ll remind your desiccated corpse of that, later.
Grugly2006: Do you have drawings of these two, yet?
No, I’ve only done Willa and Suzie.
Grugly2006: Do they look hot?
I mean… I wouldn’t have drawn them, otherwise.
I’m waiting to get through these fifteen chapters so I can play these Sims again, and then decide on their final appearances.
Leon: I want a custom beard.
Valerie: I want a custom butt.
I’ve already blown my best custom butt on Willa.
The only thing more time-sinky than a life simulator is a life simulator attached to a model editor.
Valerie: We’re models!
Leon: I wish we could edit ourselves.
Valerie: Speak for yourself.
Leon: I mean… yeah, typically.
Okay, so you put the walls up.
But you’re still up against the attic wall, there.
So, there’s canonically no ceiling here, then.
Valerie: I wish marriage didn’t take so long.
Valerie: It’s no fun cheating on your boyfriend.
Grugly2006: You’re gonna cheat?
Valerie: You gave me NO Nice points.
Grugly2006: So? Grow beyond your programming!
Valerie: I have! And I’m using my newfound self-awareness to be exactly the same person you designed me to be.
Leon: Did I miss anything?
Valerie: Nothing you weren’t supposed to.
Grugly2006: I would’ve gone with “Mwah.”
Grugly2006: It wasn’t a good enough caption to deserve specificity.
Leon: I love all these camera flashes. It makes me feel like a celebrity.
Valerie: What’s worth celebrating about you?
Leon: You, mostly.
Valerie: Right answer.
Valerie: Maybe some day you’ll have your own positive attributes.
Leon: That’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.
I mean, it represents a not-inconsiderable proportion of all the things ever said to him.
Valerie: I’m a doer, not a thinker.
Leon: I’m thinking about doing.
Valerie: I’m so in love, it’s electric!
Grugly2006: Sorry, that was me again.
Yes, you were sorry. AGAIN.
Grugly2006: I mean, though, how ridiculous is it that the in-game camera not only has a flash, but picks up that flash in its images?
Almost as ridiculous as persistently failing to account for it.
Grugly2006: In fairness to me, I probably never looked at these pics after taking them, so I didn’t know.
Dude, if you weren’t taking these pics to jerk off to, or something, I can’t imagine what they were for.
Did each and every one of these makeout sessions deserve commitment to posterity?
Grugly2006: At less than forty KB per image, it’s an act of largesse well within my data budget.
Grugly2006: Besides, I’m learning how to frame shots!
Grugly2006: So slowly.
Andy: I don’t like being able to see through my walls.
God, can you imagine? Being able to see into the walls?
All those bugs.
Leon: I’m suddenly not feeling very horny.
Valerie: That’s right, doctor, he’s lost his mind.
Therapist: But! He has found a rooster’s!
Valerie: I’ll take whatever cock I can get. Pay the man, Leon.
Valerie: Now pay me.
Leon: I’M MAKING A DEPOSIT
Valerie: You come into MY BED and RE-USE JOKES?!
Leon: This is my bed.
Valerie: I’M TAKING IT IN PAYMENT
Leon: As long as you don’t use it without me.
Valerie: This isn’t a negotiation. I hold all the cards.
Suzie: SOMEBODY STOLE MY CARDS
When did this happen?
Grugly2006: I don’t take pictures of things which annoy me.
You must’ve been annoyed a lot, in these early neighbourhoods.
Ember: Can y’all shut up? This is kinda my scene.
Lewis: ‘sup fools it’s my scene now.
Lewis: Hey, who’s the ugly kid?
Ember: I can’t believe he burglarized my birthday.
Ember: See? I’m not ugly!
You’re right, you look much better when you hide most of yourself.
Ember: I’m gonna be a babe, like my mom!
Suzie: Don’t you DARE compete with me.
Suzie: Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go suck off the nanny.
Kendal: I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE MORE FUN
Suzie: Don’t look at me like that! You’re not a real character. Any Aspiration Points you have are basically contraband.
Kendal: How can I be mad at someone who’s two chapters away from fourteen years of non-existence?
Suzie: My maid reminded me of our digital mortality.
Lewis: Take comfort in the fact that she won’t live long enough to witness it.
And then she drowned him.
I wouldn’t feel right putting dialogue on this.
Grugly2006: Yeah, other than, like, “brrrbbblblblblb,” but that’s one caption at most.
Grugly2006: And we’re gonna need more than one.
Lewis: All my life’s a sex scene.
Grugly2006: Oh yeah baby, check out that throbbing flesh-pool.
Suzie: You can take the sexiness out of anything, can’t you?
Grugly2006: I started with myself.
Suzie: What do you look like?
He’s got hair down to the small of his back, and bad skin.
Suzie: What do you look like?
I’ve got hair down to my shoulders, and my skin’s fine.
Suzie: Yay for “fine”!
Willa: I am also a fan of fine-ness.
Good, yes, zoom in! Don’t get the thought dot out of the frame, or raise the walls up, but by all means zoom in, you’ve definitely fixed this image and all of its problems.
Willa: I guess I might as well say “hi” as long as the gods I brought with me are gonna fight on your lawn.
Tom: Wow, is that hair… custom?!
Willa: Thanks for noticing!
Tom: It’s got so many polys!
Willa: I wish I was poly.
Tom: I’ve got amoury enough for both of us.
Willa: I am married, though, if that didn’t come through properly.
Tom: Oh, that’s okay, I’m a Romance Sim! I have no concepts of shame or family.
Willa: Your attentions are flattering, but I am painfully shy. And married.
Tom: I also experience your being married as painful.
Tom: Anyway I’m, like 0/10 Outgoing, so I’m not actually flirting with you. We’re just being polite.
Willa: So polite.
Tom: We’d never do anything to damage the thin barrier between our respectable façades and our carnal selves.
Willa: …nooooo, definitely not.
Tom: Tickling’s probably okay, though.
Willa: Tickling is boss.
Willa: So, did you guys just move in, or…?
Tom: Two years ago.
Tom: You probably saw me from a distance a bunch and just assumed I was your husband.
Tom: If you’d like, we can pretend I am! I do a mean mean jerk impression.
Willa: How do you know my husband’s a mean jerk?
Tom: I read the previous twelve chapters.
Willa: Oh, what’s he been up to where I can’t see him?
Tom: Aw, what’s the point of breaking the fourth wall if I can’t help my neighbours over the rubble?
Willa: I’ve always been faithful to Lewis, and I think he’s always been faithful to me, too.
Tom: Be scientific about this! You can’t really understand faithfulness unless you’ve at least experimented with unfaithfulness.
Tom: And I’m kinda cute, am’t I?
Willa: You look just like all the other men in this neighbourhood.
Tom: Then you’ve got plausible deniability if your husband busts in on us!
Willa: “Oops, sorry honey, I thought I was fucking you?”
Tom: We’ll take your glasses off, it’ll fly.
Willa: I’m just not that kind of woman, Tom.
Tom: Well, I tried.
Willa: Who told you to stop?
Willa: I deny having said anything.
Wow, she likes him so much, his icon is the first one I’ve seen that hasn’t been blurry!
Walter: I’ve been here the entire time.
Willa: I’ve been horny the entire time.
Willa: Just “okay”?
Tom: I don’t want to run out of superlatives for later.
Willa: What makes you think there’s going to be a “later”?
Tom: The fact that you won’t even stop kissing me to talk
Willa: It’s a pretty significant kiss.
Tom: With a pretty, significant other.
Willa: I already have a significant other.
Tom: I can be your other from another mother!
Willa: My existing other is from another mother. Otherwise it would be incest?
Tom: I’m from another other mother, thother! I mean, though.
Willa: I dunno, if you and Lewis weren’t separated at birth I honestly don’t know what’s going on.
What’s going on is ’06 spent some time making the ladies distinctive, and no time making the dudes distinctive.
Grugly2006: The dudes just exist to give the ladies someone to do.
Willa: So I’m not cheating on my husband, I’m just realizing the potential of half the human race!
You’re not humans. You’re Sims.
Willa: The Sim race, then.
Tom: What, like Mario Kart?
Willa: You couldn’t have thought of a more… sim-like racing game?
Tom: No, I couldn’t, because I don’t play boring games.
Tom: For example, playing games with other people’s wives is never boring.
If you take many more pictures, I’m gonna expect you to mail them to Lewis in a manilla envelope.
Willa: I’d just tell him it’s him in the pictures.
Tom: I wish I was him.
Amy: You just don’t seem motivated anymore.
Kendal: Suzie Chambers sucked my soul out.
Amy: That’s no excuse not to smile.
Amy: INCOMING BORG CUBE
That’s… a rectangular prism.
Amy: INCOMING BORG RECTANGULAR PRISM
Amy: AND FLOWERBEDS AT EYE-LEVEL
Alright, buddy, put a restraining bolt on her already.
Amy: I like this shot of him.
Grugly2006: Do you, blah, take blah blah blah?
Amy: Yeah, probably.
Who the heck is that?
Chris: I’m afraid to ask.
Walter: My love for you is as endless as this sea of grass!
Amy: How’s your love of lawnmowers?
Walter: Depends. Riding?
Amy: I’m into riding, yes.
Grugly2006: Bookends! Y’know what, I’m proud to be a part of this project.
I couldn’t’ve done it this badly without you.
I now pronounce you “a-MYE and wal-TAIR.”
Because I can.
Also you’re married now.
Walter: So, do they call you Brittany Parker because you park your Brittany in other people’s houses?
Michelle: …shit, is it our turn?
Lloyd: SHIT SHIT GRAB A TOWEL
Grugly2006: Too late!
This chapter depicts gameplay from 25 April 2006.