Alright, one more before the new year in Sharpesvale.
This chapter does not represent the present visual quality of the Chronicles! It’s grody and uncropped and older than the iPhone, and so compressed it’s frankly hilarious. Don’t hold it against me; it’s not beautiful enough!
Tsk, tsk, 06. Initializing new Sims in the middle of a year?
Grugly2006: Do you have room for fun in your game, or is it all just rules in there?
ANYWAY this is Andy Ford. I hate that. This is Andy Vau now.
Grugly2006: You can’t do that!
Andy Vau is a Family Sim, super nice, super shy, not too serious but almost too serious, neither lazy nor active, very slightly neat.
Grugly2006: What’s wrong with “Ford?”
Henry Ford was kind of a Nazi?
Grugly2006: Where’d you get “Vau” from?
It’s the Portuguese word for “ford.”
Grugly2006: So he’s a Portuguese Nazi now?
Shut up. This is Charley and Tom Dawson.
Grugly2006: BETTER CHANGE THEM, THEY REMIND YOU OF DAWSON’S CREEK
She’s sad and she’s sweet, and she’s 8 of 10 Neat, and wearing a Family Sim’s clothes.
Grugly2006: ♪ Oh la la la, diddy daaaaaaa ♪
He’s a Ro-ho, neither Nice nor Mean, so serious, so active, so neat and so shy, guy.
Charley: What was any of that?
Tom: I dunno, I just got here.
I think Charley was an attempt to see how tall a nose was too tall.
A successful attempt, unfortunately.
Charley: So, you’re saying I shouldn’t bother going out, then.
Grugly2006: I think she’s cute.
Charley: Alright, get me out of here.
Lewis: Wait, they let you drive the ambulance?!
Walter: Only on active lots. It teleports, otherwise.
Willa: Hi! We’re your friendly local healthcare professionals.
Charley: You’re sure you don’t just play them on TV?
Charley: Look, lady, I didn’t just get off the boat. If you’re a doctor, I’m a cerebral hemmorhage.
Willa: Well, I’m going to have to drain you, then.
Chelsea: You ARE a doctor!
Willa: Dr. Willa Bright, at your service!
Ugh, there’s already a Dr. Bright in SCP, I’m gonna have to change that.
Grugly2006: You ALREADY changed it! Bright wasn’t the last name I gave Lewis!
Willa: You also called me by the wrong name in the two previous chapters.
I’VE GOT A LOT OF BALLS IN THE AIR ALRIGHT
And now, I’ve got a lot of balls on the couch!
Walter: Dicks, too.
Charley: Actually Tom and I are just one gaseous anomaly that can take two different forms.
Lewis: Oh, that’s neat!
Willa: The Maker wants to change our last name.
Lewis: I like being “Lewis Bright.” That’s super cool-sounding.
I was thinking of changing it to “Lucks.”
Lewis: LEWIS LUCKS AT YOUR SERVICE
So, I’m not sure Tom turns into any of my later Sims.
Tom: That’s depressing.
Unless maybe Lucas.
Tom: I can tell by the way you’re saying that I should stick with depressing.
Walter: It’s so nice to have friends to share my haircut with.
Charley: I can’t tell which of you is the least likeable.
Lewis: It’s me.
Tom: Why are we cooped up in here when it’s so beautiful and bright outside?
Lewis: I’m hoping to snuggle up to my wife.
Walter: Yeah, me too, his wife.
Walter: What? I bet she’d be into it.
Lewis: SAY GOODNIGHT, WALTER
Walter: When it’s so beautiful and bright outside?
Walter: You should send Lewis home, though, he’s a drip.
Willa: I don’t feel like leaving, yet.
Walter: Who said anything about you?
Lewis: DON’T YOU RUB MY WIFE UP, CROWE!
Walter: Why not? YOU rubbed M-
Tom: I didn’t want a fight in my living room, but I couldn’t think of anything to interject with.
Willa: What was he gonna say you rubbed?
Lewis: Him, the wrong way, one imagines.
We don’t leave much to the imagination around here, anymore.
Yeah, look at you, Mr. Downloads.
Grugly2006: Look at me? Look at HER!
I think ’06 just went through second puberty.
Charley: That’s why he was staring at my pubes.
Andy: You ever see a butler driving a huuuuuge vacuum cleaner?
Grugly2006: So, how’s your scary spaghetti?
Grugly2006: Or whatever.
…my creepasta, you mean! The SCP article.
Grugly2006: Yeah, sure, whatever.
It looks like 55% of the people who see it, like it. So it probably won’t get deleted, it’ll just take a million years to be safe, and I’ll be afraid forever.
Grugly2006: I feel like you’re afraid of most things anyway.
You think you feel it.
Grugly2006: I’m afraid of dying alone.
I used to be.
Grugly2006: You don’t think you’re gonna?
I think I might, but I’m getting to the point where I’m okay with it.
Amy: This guy makes me wish I had throwing stars.
Amy: Uh I mean GOLD stars! Because you’re SO terrific.
Andy: Aww, thanks! I can only store one statement at a time, so I’m flattered.
Walter: Flatter him any more and I’ll flatten him.
Amy: I think maybe we should try making friends around here, Walter.
Walter: I’ve got friends!.
Amy: Babies don’t count.
Walter: THEY DO IF YOU TEACH THEM
Chris: Dad’s an idiot.
Amy: Yeah, but he’s a hot idiot.
Chris: That doesn’t do much for me.
Amy: No, you’re right, it doesn’t; you’re hideous.
Amy: Even upside-down, you’re hideous.
Chris: I’m gonna piss on you.
Amy: And then he pissed on me!
Walter: C’mere, piss shield.
Amy: That wasn’t nice.
Walter: I’d rather burn his clothes than mine.
Walter: OH YEAH BABY BURN MY SHEETS
Amy: WHERE THERE’S SMOKE, THERE’S FUCKIN’
Walter: Not always.
Amy: Yeah, the plumbbob is smoking.
StalkerBob: Damn right I am. *puffffff*
Amy: DID WE JUST HAVE A THREESOME WITH THE INTERFACE
Lloyd: Ahhh, there’s nothing like a hot, refreshing,
Lloyd: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUCK
Lloyd: Live-in maid?
Michelle: Sure you can!
Lloyd: I meant you.
Michelle: I’m more of a live-in maiden.
Lloyd: Maiden heaven.
Michelle: Yeah, baby, I’m like finding religion, in bed.
Michelle: Except I’m fat now.
Lloyd: And I’m leaving.
Oh, good, a Buy Mode establishing shot.
I was afraid we were done being incompetent.
Kaylynn: I think there might be more incompetence involved here than you expected.
What are we doing here?
Grugly2006: Trying to figure out how to kill this maid in a way that doesn’t cause her to scream “MY PATHFINDING IS FUCKED” over and over.
And why are we killing the maid?
Grugly2006: I have this vague feeling Michelle is doing it.
Have you communicated that to Michelle?
Grugly2006: To the extent that she only exists in my head, yes.
Kaylynn: I don’t want to die!
Grugly2006: Then you shouldn’t have been so generic.
Kaylynn: I’m just gonna walk right through this wall.
Like in The Men Who Stare at Goats, huh?
Grugly2006: What’s that?
It’s the only good movie where Ewan McGregor plays a Jedi Knight.
Grugly2006: Oh, hey, how do the Star Wars prequels turn out?
You know that. Each more terrible than the last.
Grugly2006: Aw, yeah.
But, it’s okay! They eventually make sequels, and they’re… still not nearly as good as the originals.
Lloyd: ♪ I’m gonna wash that murder right out of my hands ♪
You’d think for the extra money you’d get, like… a spill guard, or something.
Kaylynn: I’m no threat to Michelle! LOOK AT THIS FACE!
I… I can’t, honestly.
Grugly2006: I thought this was less cruel than the pool ladder thing, but now I don’t know.
I guess this is basically the Oak Point equivalent of the axes in Sharpesvale.
Grugly2006: Ooh, axes?
Yeah, for throwing. I’ve also got machineguns.
Grugly2006: So you’re saying my ideas about a grounded, rules-following neighbourhood don’t exactly pan out, huh.
Grugly2006: Speaking of panning out.
Grugly2006: Star Wars sequels, you were saying?
Yeah, apparently a lot of people who weren’t me signed up to see their childhood heroes be sad for twenty years and then die.
And also they wanted to see A New Hope basically filmed again with new actors.
And then they wanted to see The Return of the Jedi filmed again with no plot.
Kaylynn: DID ANY OF THEM WANT TO FREE THE WALL MAID
Not a one.
Grugly2006: That’s only two movies.
The second one wasn’t for me in a way I didn’t hate.
Kaylynn: WHAT’S THIS THING FOR, ANYWAY
Grugly2006: You kept getting maid-wants to empty it.
Kaylynn: But how can I empty it in the WALL?!
Grugly2006: Don’t ask me maid questions!
Grugly2006: I’m not a maid man.
Kaylynn: This is garbage.
Kaylynn: I wonder if there’s any good eats in there.
Kaylynn: THERE WASN’T
I’d feel worse for her if she wasn’t in, like, 90% of people’s neighbourhoods.
Kaylynn: I CLAIM MAJORITY RIGHTS
As a thoroughly leftist Simmer, that’s not doing it for me.
Kaylynn: I’m working-class!
Grugly2006: Any Back to the Future sequels?
Michael J. Fox has Parkinson’s disease.
Grugly2006: Yikes. I guess I knew that. Uh… Jurassic Park?
Two more! I like them, but some people think they’re too dumb.
Grugly2006: Dumb is alright.
I knew you’d think so.
Grugly2006: Star Trek?
Kaylynn: I’m gonna die listening to this.
You witnessed the implosion of Star Trek. It comes back in 2009, and then kind of implodes again? And then kind of half-unimplodes.
Grugly2006: Oh, oh god, is Nintendo still around?
Still kicking ass! Wait’ll November, and wii’ll see what wii see.
Kaylynn: AM I EVEN GONNA DIE IN THIS CHAPTER
Grugly2006: Terry Brooks?
Haven’t read any of his stuff in a while, but he’s still writing.
Grugly2006: That Harry Potter lady? I’ve never read those books.
Grugly2006: So, she’s still around, then?
She’s a stupid classist transphobe.
Grugly2006: Is that some kind of robo-
Kaylynn: TURN THE FLASH OFF
Kaylynn: Either kill me or cut the chapter!
We’re trying to have a civilized conversation, here.
Grugly2006: Yeah, could you be any more rude?!
Grugly2006: Uhhhhh… hmm. Pink Floyd?
Glenn Frey’s dead.
Grugly2006: AWW BOOO
You do see Don Henley in concert, though!
Grugly2006: I go to concerts?!
From my perspective, you went to concerts.
Grugly2006: Who else?
Blues Brothers, Meat Loaf, Crosby Stills Nash, Blue Rodeo and Roger Waters.
Grugly2006: Holy shit.
And you see a Stratford play at the Cineplex and loudly tell someone to shut up when they’re on their phone, and at the intermission one of your friends says “My favourite part was when you told that guy to shut up,” and that becomes your favourite part.
You also tell a kid to shut up at the new Star Wars, which was kind of mean, but his fucking parents were letting him talk straight through it, so it was pretty much for them.
Grugly2006: Did he even shut up?
He didn’t even.
Kaylynn: WHAT EVEN CUT ME OFF THERE
The pic transition.
Kaylynn: ARE YOU MASTURBATING OR SOMETHING STOP TAKING PICS
Grugly2006: I dunno, must’ve been a muscle spasm or something.
Kaylynn: HE BLINDED ME WITH MUSCLE SPASMS
This chapter depicts gameplay from 16 April 2006 and 17 April 2006.