I didn’t expect to enjoy this project so much.
But somehow an Oak Point chapter takes half as long to write as a Sharpesvale project half as long.
This chapter does not represent the present visual quality of the Chronicles! It’s grody and uncropped and older than the iPhone, and so compressed it’s frankly hilarious. Don’t hold it against me; it’s not beautiful enough!
Maybe it’s because when nothing’s happening I can just talk to my past self.
Grugly2006: Abuse your past self, more like.
Everything you do abuses me now, so it’s only fair.
She looks elderly from this angle.
Grugly2006: Well, she is forty-five.
Willa: I don’t feel a day over fifteen!
You’re NOT a day over fifteen. Days.
Which is why you’re forty-five. Years.
Willa: I feel like I need a doctorate to understand that.
Luckily you apparently don’t need a doctorate to be a doctor.
Lewis: If you go out in the woods today, that’s weird, because there aren’t any.
Karen: Read the one about cars! I love science fiction.
Lewis: Now, Karen. I won’t let you waste your life dreaming of impractical, nonexistent nonsense like cars.
Lewis: The way I’m wasting my life talking to a toddler in the dark.
Karen: Yeah, it’s pretty pathetic, honestly.
Amy: I can’t believe they would do this to me.
Michelle and Lloyd?
Amy: No, just Lloyd. Michelle I expect it from.
Amy: I just wish he’d come eat that pop-tart before the poison wears off.
Oh, no! We’re getting into Thinner territory, now!
Michelle: I wouldn’t mind getting thinner.
It never ceases to amuse me that you’re into Sim boobs and butts, but you’re too lazy to get close to them.
Grugly2006: I prefer to admire from afar.
Kaylynn: Get up, before I iron you into those sheets.
Kaylynn: YOU SHEET-HEAD!
Amy: So, what’re you doing here?
Lewis: You can’t sit around in your underwear and then wonder where all the dudes came from!
Lewis: So, how’s your sister?
Amy: She’s a bitch and I hate her.
Lewis: So, normal sister stuff, then?
Lewis: FIX YOUR FREAKY HAIR
Lewis: I don’t see why anyone would download stuff that’s uglier than the stuff which comes with the game.
Yeah, that would be a pretty convoluted thing to see, alright.
Grugly2006: I think it looks good.
No, as I recall, even you don’t.
Grugly2006: I at least wish the polygons would respect each other.
How can they, with textures that terrible?
Whoever modelled that hair modelled it short, wanted it long, and just grabbed the bottom vertices and PULLED.
Grugly2006: Dammit, this is the angle I want… but… dammit…
Grugly2006: I wish there was a way to have certain Sims not trigger the walls cutaway.
There’s actually a cheat for that! I just found out.
Grugly2006: Cool! What is it?
I also just found out that the site with the cheat listing I use is down right now.
Grugly2006: Guess I’ll just ineffectually perve on this ugly-haired nobody, then.
Grugly2006: And accidentally electrocute her with my camera.
Amy: Could you NOT.
Grugly2006: Why is it animating so poorly?
They didn’t understand the game’s hair physics in 2006.
Grugly2006: Maybe I should learn to model.
You do! Just… not for thirteen years.
But these Sims will be among the first recipients of your newfound knowledge!
Grugly2006: Do I make them have awesome asses?
You know you do.
Is this all we’re doing this chapter?
Grugly2006: I’m in the past, I got nowhere to be.
Ugh, it’s 7:00 in the evening where you are.
…AND WHERE I AM
Grugly2006: OH GOD WE’RE IN SYNC
WE’RE BOTH WATCHING THE SAME SIM SHOWER AT THE SAME TIME
Grugly2006: I guess that’s not that weird.
No, but it was good for a gag.
Amy: That’s ALL you two are good for.
I was about to start singing ♪ The Never-Ending Showwwwwerrrrr ♪
Amy: ♪ Aah aah ahh ♪
Lewis: I feel like I rushed into my marriage too soon, you know? Without considering my other options.
Amy: Like your choice of someone to talk about this with.
Or ’06’s choice of camera angle.
Lewis: I thought you and I could be good friends!
Amy: We can! Just not with each other.
Lewis: One of these days I’m gonna be president!
Amy: I think they have pretty high standards for that?
Even in 2006 that wasn’t true.
Amy: Do I become friends with this loser?
Amy: I don’t want to have to call him a winner, now.
No, you don’t become friends.
Amy: I think you have about as much chance of becoming president as I have of getting into a fist fight.
Lewis: SHOULDN’T’VE TOLD HIM TO LOOK YOUR MEMORIES UP
Amy: Who would I get into a fist fight with?! I’m a nice girl!
Lewis: You called me a loser, like, twenty seconds ago.
Lewis: I’m cheating on my wife!
Walter: That’s HILARIOUS!
Lewis: With YOUR wife.
Walter: Still hilarious.
Lloyd: Mmm! What smells good?
Lewis: You do, baby.
Lewis: Dudes are too easy, man.
Walter: I think that’s my plate you’re holding, Aim.
Lewis: Should we take bets on who the fight will be with?
Amy: No, because then I’d put §100 on you and punch you in the face.
Walter: I’d be willing to put up the §100 to see that.
Lewis: Thanks, man.
Michelle: This cheese party dudes-only?
Michelle: Or is it a coincidence that 100% of the male population is here eating sandwiches?
Lloyd: You’re an honourary man, ‘chelle.
Michelle: Got more balls than most of you.
Lewis: She thinks we’re not masculine.
Walter: We’ll show her!
Lewis: That she’s RIGHT
Walter: Wait, what?
Lloyd: How COULD you?
Walter: What DID she?
Lloyd: KISSING THAT MAN IN YOUR OWN HOUSE
Walter: LEWIS kissed me.
Amy: YOU DON’T LIVE HERE LLOYD
Amy: Also you cheated on me?!
Lewis: §100 on Lloyd.
Walter: You mean §100 on it BEING Lloyd.
Lewis: Oh, yeah, she’s gonna beat the shit out of him.
Lloyd: I’MMA FUCK UP YOUR HAIR PHYSICS
Walter: I’m glad we sprung for front row.
Walter: AND WHAT A ROW IT IS!
Walter: It means “fight.”
Amy: YEAH, YOU HEARD HIM
Grugly2006: How does “row” mean “fight”?
Pronounce it like you pronounced “how.”
Grugly2006: I still don’t understand.
I guess you’re not British enough yet.
Walter: You’re gonna have to air-dust your TV after this.
Walter: Or don’t! Maybe a good fire is what we need to liven this place up!
Lewis: I’m pretty content with the fight, right now.
Walter: Yeah, but think of the future, man!
Amy: IT’S COMING SOONER THAN YOU THINK
Lloyd: I might never come again.
Lewis: That was GREAT.
Walter: The fight, or his line?
Lewis: Um, the fight? His line was mediocre.
Amy: Oh yeah, Lloydy, smell that burn!
Lewis: Did you hear? Amy beat Lloyd in a fight!
Walter: That’s nonsense, you’re making that up.
Lewis: And she said “IT’S COMING SOONER THAN YOU THINK”!
Walter: Hahaha, wow! Even having been here for it, that makes no sense out of context.
Amy: Yeah, about how y’all are here.
Walter: I mean… it was me who brought it up.
Amy: And now I’m expecting you to bring me up.
Amy: Yes, I know, that came out wrong.
I wasn’t gonna comment on it! It’s my dialogue.
Grugly2006: But my action.
At least you’re getting closer to the action these days.
Grugly2006: Sorry, I’m a reflexive contrarian.
You’re like a cat, running away and then creeping back up.
And then running away again and knocking all the walls down.
And then putting the walls back up.
Like a cat.
Walter: Do you think all Sims players are as whacked-out as ours?
Amy: I’d be willing to bet most of them don’t talk to themselves this much.
Walter: So, are you and Lloyd finished?
Amy: Unless we need to film a sexy reconciliation/sexing scene, probably.
Walter: Please don’t have sexy scenes with other men.
Amy: What if they’re sexier than you, though?
Walter: Can that even happen?
You’re not getting tired of filming the same old animations over and over, huh?
Grugly2006: They’re different characters, in changing situations, and I have an imagination.
We do have some things in common!
My imagination’s much better, though.
Grugly2006: Prove it!
DISPROVE it! YOU write the dialogue for this!
Grugly2006: Uhhhhh… okay. Let’s see.
Amy: Walter! WALTER!
Walter: I know my own name, Amy.
Amy: Sparks are flying between us!
Walter: They’re flying from between my legs, Amy.
Walter: I think he did alright with those lines.
YOU’RE STILL WRITING THE LINES THOUGH
Walter: I actually think those lines were terrible.
Grugly2006: BUT NOW YOU’RE WRITING THE LINES!
I mean, really, I’m writing your lines too, just through my blurry recollection of you.
Grugly2006: Well, recollect me FUNNIER!
Grugly2006: I wanna win this competition!
But I don’t like you as much as I like myself!
Grugly2006: You like yourself?
No! So just think about what that says about you.
Grugly2006: What don’t you like about yourself?
Right now I don’t like that I wrote an article for SCP and I thought it was clever and precisely half of everyone who reads it dislikes it, so it’s stuck at zero and will probably get deleted and that’s pretty much the definition of fairness so oh well.
Grugly2006: I don’t even know what that is. What even is that?
It’s a collaborative creepypasta.
Grugly2006: If we were drifting any further away from clarity, we’d be a screenshot I’m taking in The Sims 2.
Suzie: Say my name.
Chris: You’re Heisenberg.
Grugly2006: What was that a reference to?
The best TV show of all time.
Grugly2006: I don’t remember hearing that in The Red Green Show.
Okay, the second-best TV show of all time.
Dad and I finished watching all fifteen seasons of Red Green on DVD not long ago.
Grugly2006: Mom didn’t watch it with you, huh.
Grugly2006: Yeah, she always hated it.
Suzie: INCOHERENT COMPLAINTS
Walter: You make good points, potentially!
Walter: If you’re saying we shouldn’t throw baseballs at Saturn, I’ll sign that petition.
Walter: Hahaha, imagine if Ant-Man exploded.
Suzie: I’m divorcing you, geek.
Walter: I’m not a geek!
Suzie: What about all those lizards you bit the head off of?!
Walter: THAT WAS JUST BUSINESS
Walter: I can’t help it that the circus pays so well!
Walter: I… hate you.
Suzie: Really? I’m finding you more attractive, now that you’re not married to me anymore.
Walter: I DON’T WANT TO BE MORE ATTRACTIVE
Suzie: That fixed it.
How come they’re divorcing?
Grugly2006: I’m gonna have him marry Amy.
Oh, I usually just ignore existing engagements when I wanna do that.
Grugly2006: …you’re saying you CHEAT?!
Cheating is kinda the theme in these stories, isn’t it?
Suzie: I’M MAD THAT I DID WHAT I WANTED TO
Walter: I’m mad that you did what you wanted to, too.
Suzie: I’ll never forget you, Walter!
Walter: We can still fuck.
Suzie: Yeah, that’s why!
It bothers me that he doesn’t have a dick.
Grugly2006: That’s pretty a g-
OH HEY ’06, BY THE WAY, THERE’S A LOT OF 90S/2000S SLANG WE DON’T FUCKING USE ANYMORE
Grugly2006: …I was gonna say “that’s a pretty good point.”
Grugly2006: I have a gay friend, you know.
THAT’S WHAT THEY ALL SAY
Grugly2006: How’s he doing these days?
I think he became a cop.
Yeah, seriously, I don’t even know.
Why’re we watching this baby shit?
Grugly2006: Beats doing homework.
You’re ruining my career opportunities to watch a baby shit.
Grugly2006: You’re probably ruining Grugly2040’s life by watching me watch a baby shit.
Yeah, but fuck that guy.
Grugly2006: So what was that website, again?
Grugly2006: Did it exist back… where I am?
I dunno, fire up Netscape Navigator or whatever and take a look.
Grugly2006: NETSCAPE NAVIGATOR?!
Walter: No, this is Amy.
Walter: She’s my indoor-outdoor kissing friend!
Walter: You have to pay extra for those.
Walter: Luckily, diamonds are free!
Yeah, but you’ll pay for it later.
Grugly2006: Are you married?
Grugly2006: Tell me we’ve at least gone on a date.
Grugly2006: With a hot chick.
That’s a crazy ask, dude.
Grugly2006: A good date?
You were overheating, because your OCD medication was no good.
Grugly2006: Not the reason I’d want to be overheating on a date.
Walter: You can be happily married vicariously through us!
Grugly2006: Yeah, fat chance asshole.
We’re not that dissimilar, ’06. My hair’s better, and my brain works less well, and you believe some stupid, stupid shit, but I’m only mostly embarrassed to have been you at one point.
Grugly2006: Wow, I turn into an asshole, huh?
This chapter depicts gameplay from 16 April 2006.