Oh right I have a thing I’ve been doing every single day this year for five months and counting.
This chapter does not represent the present visual quality of the Chronicles! It’s grody and uncropped and older than the iPhone, and so compressed it’s frankly hilarious. Don’t hold it against me; it’s not beautiful enough!
Grugly2006: Ew, friendship.
Stay away from it!
Grugly2006: I always do!
The fuck did you do to Willa?
Grugly2006: Hot, right?
You seem to not have any regard for the continuity of these characters.
Grugly2006: Hot, right?
At least some of your pics don’t have lowered walls in them now.
Yes, it’s hot.
Lewis: I love the change! It’s like I’ve got a third lover!
Willa: …don’t you mean sec-
Lewis: UH UH BECAUSE I LOVE MYSELF SO MUCH
Willa: I’ll buy that for the price of not wanting to look any deeper.
Willa: Will you always be true to me, Lewis?
Lewis: It’s true that I will always be Lewis to you.
So, I see you’ve installed the censor blue removal patch.
Grugly2006: Yeah, kind of underwhelming, isn’t it? Jack Thompson promised me nipples and vaginas, and I feel ripped-off.
Willa: Did he work on the game?
He didn’t work on ANYTHING.
Guess you’re gonna have to go find some nude skins.
Grugly2006: Ugh, but the game loads sooooooo slowly.
With NO custom content?!
Grugly2006: I think my computer is punishing me for carving mean words into it.
Pictured: baby’s first stuck effects glitch.
Grugly2006: And walls!
Grugly2006: This is so weird.
Not weird enough to get a good pic of, though.
Grugly2006: Well of course not.
Grugly2006: I bet she’s dreaming of Super Mario Bros. 2.
Grugly2006: That’s why she’s tossing and turning.
Grugly2006: Gosh, I hope this never ends.
Grugly2006: This is what women think they’re like.
I want to compliment you on your rapidly-improving picture taking skills.
But I won’t, because you’re complaining about women like an incel.
Grugly2006: A what?
Lewis: Wait, are you saying all that stuff?
Wow, I can really see how just a few thousand pics later you’ll be producing the barely-competent stuff of Chapter 1.
Lewis: Baby’s bigger!
Grugly2006: Stuff your baby.
Willa: Baby’s mobile!
Oh, is that what those marshmallows mean?
Michelle: Oh, good, more body horror.
Michelle: Don’t you realize clothing was invented to hide the primitive polygons of our naked bodies?!
I’m gonna start calling this thing StalkerBob.
I guess I’ve failed to comment on it, because the importance hadn’t yet set in, but wow! ’06! You’re downloading stuff now!
Grugly2006: Yeah, isn’t it great?
No! It’s all garbage.
Lloyd: It looks fine in the dark.
Lloyd: They say black cars look better in shade.
Amy: Is that… an insult?
Lloyd: To cars, I guess?
Amy: I don’t think I’m a car.
Lloyd: I think I might be.
Amy: How’s that?
Lloyd: You get my motor runnin’, baby!
Amy: Ugh. Head out on the highway.
Lloyd: ♪ Lookin’ for adventure ♪
Amy: No, I’m serious, get out of here.
Amy: Born to be alone.
Grugly2006: You’re never alone when I’m around, Amy.
Amy: I’m gonna call YOU StalkerBob.
Amy: Yeah, that’s right, you step back.
Amy: I feel dirty.
Grugly2006: Hence the bath!
Amy: No, BECAUSE OF the bath.
I always wondered what they were going for with those tiles.
Concentration camp bathroom?
Grugly2006: Why would you have “concentration camp” on your mental autodial?
‘cuz they’ve got them in the US, now.
Grugly2006: Oh! Are they finally putting the Republicans down?
I know for a fact you weren’t properly liberal back then.
Grugly2006: So write me more accurately!
Are you zooming out so her lack of genitals isn’t so obvious?
Grugly2006: Yeah, she’s super sensitive about that.
…waaaaait a second.
That’s not Amy.
Why didn’t you tell me?
Suzie: Because you’re writing my dialogue.
Okay, what is THIS.
Suzie: I asked him to get my invisible friend in the shot.
…did your hair just change colour?
Suzie: It’s hard to tell, honestly, with these graphics settings.
Suzie: I don’t know how I’m even holding this juice box.
Grugly2006: It’s a can of food, actually.
Suzie: I CAN’T EVEN TELL
Suzie: I can’t wait to do surgery, when everyone’s chest and organs look like a toddler’s block puzzle.
You really need to buy them some furnishings.
Grugly2006: That’s SO boring, though!
You’re gonna make a really shitty adult, you know that?
This is what you’re gonna be like.
I love this neighbourhood.
I can open it up in SimPE and find out who anyone is in, like, a minute.
It has, like, one tenth the population of Sharpesvale.
Kendal: WHY WON’T YOU FIX THIS
Grugly2006: Because I think, if we try, we can get that number down even lower.
Wow, I think they must have nerfed fire between expansion packs or something.
The sheeple probably complained.
Suzie: I think I’m gonna take the sheeple’s side on this, honestly.
Suzie: THIS FIREFIGHTER ISN’T SEXY!
Suzie: PUMP YOUR FOAM INTO MY CHARRED OVEN, UGLY GENTLEMEN!
Grugly2006: It’s the most exciting thing that’s happened in this neighbourhood.
Yeah, things really pick up when you discover serial killers.
Suzie: I don’t think I need that sort of excitement in my life.
You won’t encounter any serial killers until at least 2020.
Suzie: So you’re saying there’s no real storyline in Oak Point?
Dude can barely point a camera, he’s not gonna start telling STORIES.
Grugly2006: Yeah, I’m too busy fapping to mannequins and staring at babies.
Grugly2006: AT ENTIRELY DIFFERENT MOMENTS
Okay, at THIS distance we’re approaching TS1 on LOW SETTINGS.
Suzie: The Maker mistook me for Amy today.
Lewis: Aw, what? You’re not Amy?
Suzie: Fuck you.
I guess she did?
Lewis: I can’t believe you need to guess.
Grugly2006: You see one hot tub fuck, you’ve seen ’em all.
I heartily disagree, and I’d send you some links, but they don’t exist in the past yet.
Suzie: Dude’s using time travel to trade porn tips.
Lewis: Just the tips, though.
Just to see how it feels.
Suzie: I do not approve of this new no-sex regime.
Grugly2006: You had sex!
Suzie: Even when you do show it, it’s just hands and feet coming out of humped-up sheets! That’s BULLSHIT.
Suzie: Dicks, or it didn’t happen.
Grugly2006: Are there dicks for this game? Never mind, don’t even answer that, of course there are.
Grugly2006: I don’t really want them, though.
It’s not right to have boobs but no dicks.
Grugly2006: Okay, but I don’t want dicks. Dicks that aren’t mine.
How many dicks do you have?
Grugly2006: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT.
Grugly2006: This is what I think women are like.
Don’t make me explain incels to you.
‘cuz I will.
Grugly2006: Does it have something to do with prisons?
Prisons of the mind, perhaps.
…and actual prisons sometimes, yes.
Suzie: I guess this room is for talking, not fucking OR sleeping, now.
There’s also creepy hovering.
StalkerBob: Doesn’t she have nice skin?
Suzie: You can’t come with me into the bathroom anymore.
Who, me, ’06, or StalkerBob?
Grugly2006: What if I ask nicely?
You can’t do ANYTHING nicely.
Suzie: I don’t like the way he’s staring at my tits.
Grugly2006: He probably wants to be breastfed.
Suzie: I’m referring to you.
Grugly2006: This is not your room.
Mom loved that movie.
Grugly2006: Does she not, anymore?
Suzie: I’m sleeping, fuck off.
Grugly2006: I was talking to ’20.
Sorry, uh, yeah, what?
She thrusts her fist inside her thigh and still insists she’ll hover, guy.
Grugly2006: Yeah, I shouldn’t have taken that in-betw-
THAT’S EMBER’S DRESS!
Suzie: I don’t know who Ember is, but she’s been tellin’ you lies.
PROTO-EMBER IS WEARING EMBER’S DRESS
Suzie: I’d be offended by this, if PROTO-EMBER wasn’t such a cool-ass nickname.
Grugly2006: PUT THAT DOWN, NOBODY!
Yeah, you tell ‘er, man.
Jan Tellerman: I… wow.
Grugly2006: Yeah… he’s new at this whole “jokes” thing.
At least I have a basic understanding of perspective and composition.
Grugly2006: I think this over the shoulder pic is pretty good.
Yeah, you really captured the featureless expanse you didn’t create or fill with anything interesting quite well.
And I’m a big fan of your use of light to not be able to see a FUCKING THING
Grugly2006: So, do some post-processing and fix it!
This pic has ninety-six dots per inch. It’s TWENTY-SEVEN KILOBYTES. If I so much as OPEN IT in Photoshop, it will BURST in a cluster-bomb of jpeg artifacts.
Walter: Like what’s happening in my PANNNNNTS
Amy: I do like what’s happening in your pannnnnts!
Oh, good, a light source.
Grugly2006: Romance is better in the dark.
I’ll grant you’re an expert on darkness, but what you know about romance could fill… about half of what I know about romance.
Grugly2006: Shit man, we do that badly?
We don’t do well.
Grugly2006: What about… uh… the chick in the… snowy place?
Grugly2006: BOOOOOO. What about… the ones… in this dorm?
Grugly2006: Fuuuuck. The other dorm?
Grugly2006: …anyone I presently know?
Grugly2006: Y’know, I’ve changed my mind. I think I’ll take up drinking.
Walter: Might at least get us some interesting storylines around here.
You’re lucky to NOT have his idea of interesting storylines.
Amy: Yeah, dude, don’t-
Walter: Come ON, Aim! Don’t you wanna, I dunno, go on an international adventure, or fight aliens, or something?
His idea of interesting storylines is largely confined to serial killers and The Cask of Amontillado.
Walter: I dunno what that is, but if it’s about keggers, I’m in!
It’s about chaining a person up inside a niche in a wall.
Walter: I’ll stick with romance, then.
Amy: Won’t you stick it inside?
Walter: Serial killers, though.
Amy: Yeah, that would be even worse.
Grugly2006: Assuming I made one of you the killer, that’s… six kills, and we’re done.
Not an entirely unrespectable count, for a slasher film.
Amy: So hey, are you still married?
Walter: You know I am. You can see my ring clearly at this low level of detail.
Walter: Speaking of low levels of detail…
Amy: Yes, please don’t tell Lloyd.
Walter: I’m not sure Suzie would even mind.
Walter: I know adultery turns her on. I just don’t know if it’s only hers.
Amy: Sexual backstabbing isn’t a terrible substitute for serial killing.
Walter: It’s a lot easier to stretch it out, anyway.
Oh for FUCK’S SAKE.
What even HAPPENED.
Walter: Came in my pants.
Amy: Usually I have to wait longer to be unsatisfied.
I’m mostly mad because I was gonna have one of you yell “OH YEAH BABY STRETCH ME OUT!”
I love those sequential jokes.
What actually happened, anyway?
Grugly2006: I wish we knew.
Amy: I wish I’d gotten known.
Walter: It’s okay, I don’t have genitals.
Amy: Oh, THAT’S what happened.
Amy: Doesn’t explain what happened to his pants, though.
Alright, ’06, time to move on.
Dude, it’s a COMPUTER keyboard! You’re not playing a rhapsody on it. Lay off!
Grugly2006: Maybe you need to be stronger about cutting pics.
I’m not taking advice from a teenager about cutting.
Amy: I say we throw it out.
Walter: No, see, if it can shit by itself, it can eat by itself, and then it’s basically just an ugly cat.
Michelle: I think all that beast-with-two-backsing is about to backfire.
Michelle: I wish I understood my own dialogue.
Michelle: I wish I didn’t understand my own body.
Michelle: I can’t bring a baby into this world! There isn’t enough wallpaper!
Lloyd: How much for a mattress mambo?
Kaylynn: I didn’t know beds could dance!
Lloyd: Let me try that again. How much for a joint session of congress?
Kaylynn: I didn’t know speech balloons could be subverted!
You’ll love the future, then.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 15 April 2006 to 16 April 2006.