If the images in this chapter are broken, read it at gruglysims.ca instead!
Lecture-writing time = Oak Point time!
This chapter does not represent the present visual quality of the Chronicles! It’s grody and uncropped and older than the iPhone, and so compressed it’s frankly hilarious. Don’t hold it against me; it’s not beautiful enough!
Willa: I wish we had individual toes, so we could play regulation footsie.
Willa: Y’know? Hey? I think I’ll have a baby.
Willa: Thank god it’s not a difficult or painful process!
God, in this case, being my failure to take important pics.
Grugly2006: I’m just now learning to put the walls up, give me a break.
…baby steps 😉
Lewis: There, there, I won’t let the bad man who uses emoticons in public hurt you.
I wish they were still called that.
Anyway, this thing is called Karen Bright.
Lewis: Karen is a cool name.
Half of her genetics are cool, too.
She mostly spends her time wondering why she can see the piano.
Karen: .oO(It’s because you’re useless, isn’t it?)
Children are so wise.
Grugly2006: I like this carpet for the kid’s room.
You and everyone else playing the base game.
Grugly2006: I’M NOT ASHAMED TO FIT IN FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE
Willa: There, there, I won’t let the bad man who argues with himself in public hurt you.
You expecting her to do tricks, or something?
…is this your first Sim baby?
You can zoom in, you know.
Grugly2006: I don’t want to have to explain why I crushed their baby with my camera.
Grugly2006: Pretty cute.
They always are.
Grugly2006: Must be something in our genetics, eh?
In this case, no. It’s a lack of genetics on their part.
Babies are just a model, with the appropriate skintone, eye texture and hair colour. Their faces don’t reflect their parents’ faces, which is why they so often turn hideous the moment they hit toddlerhood.
Grugly2006: Cool, you wrecked it.
The 2006 version of “Thanks! I hate it!”
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It’s like he’s… trying to get a better angle to see something, but he’s also compulsively tapping the “c” key every few seconds.
Willa: What’re you doing here? I thought you were watching the baby!
Grugly2006: It was weirding ’20 out.
No, YOU were weirding me out!
Willa: Hey, you know what nobody has ever wished for? TWO gods.
Grugly2006: I’m fine without any.
Grugly2006: Good! I can handle turning into a smug asshole, but a religious smug asshole, not so much.
Willa: “Turning into.”
Willa: I think smug assholery is, like, your core concept.
Grugly2006: That’s not true!
Grugly2006: And the loathing of others!
Grugly2006: And also perversion.
So much perversion.
Willa: You know what? Maybe don’t watch the baby.
Michelle: It alright if I throw out this fly condo?
I wish you wouldn’t do this.
You’re reminding me of Lucas.
Grugly2006: Who’s Lucas?
I’m wondering if a universe-altering time paradox would be a small price to pay for convincing you never to create him.
I know for a fact you’re almost as squeamish as I am, so WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
Grugly2006: They look so calm and composed when they’re shitting.
I mean… yes, but…
What time of day was it…
EIGHT SIXTEEN IN THE MORNING?!
On a Tuesday?
What were you doing?
Okay, detective time.
Grugly2006: Detective time?
I’m gonna try and figure out what the fuck you’d been doing that led to you watching two Sims in their underwear at eight in the morning on a school day.
Grugly2006: It’s not like you can actually–
You stayed up all night working on one of your English courses.
Grugly2006: How the FUCK did you figure THAT out?!
I went through my old CDs a while back. That’s how I found this neighbourhood! I opened up the files just now and sorted them by date, and I found what looks like an incredibly poor overview of Time Lord: Sir Sandford Fleming and the Creation of Standard Time.
Michelle: I hope some day I hate myself enough to go to these lengths.
Grugly2006: It’s not “incredibly poor.”
Ahem! And I quote:
Grugly2006: Oh, please don’t…
“Foreword: Guages,” that’s spelled wrong, “immigration, the Gauge Age, interspersed with some Fleming stories.
1 Discovery of Time: Time time time, natural time, evolution of time
2 Time and Democracy: Steam, industry, religion, further evolution of time
3 What Time is It? All about varying times in varying places with a short Fleming passage at the end.
4 Time and Mr Fleming: A bit about fleming, more about the process. Railways. Travelling.
5 The Decade of Time: Time technology, the rail, as it applies to Fleming
6 The Practice of Time: Conferences about time, mostly people who aren’t Fleming
7 Notes on Time and Victorian Science: Just what it claims to be.
8 Riding the Rails: The train
9 The Aesthetics of Time: Art and time. Not much Fleming.
10 The Prime(s) of Mr. Sandford Fleming: Actually Fleming! But a lot about the conference
11 Britain: HOLMES for god’s sake
12 EVERYTHING BUT FLEMING
Afterword: Ghost of Sandford Fleming: Still no Fleming”
Michelle: That was terrible.
Grugly2006: THAT’S WHY I NEEDED TO UNWIND WITH SOME UNDERWEAR LADIES!
Amy: Better than unwinding with ladies’ underwear, I guess.
I see yesterday you stayed up all night writing a history assignment.
Grugly2006: This is creepy, stop it.
Your footnotes are good, and you used the proper hanging indent on your Works Cited, but those final citations are still in footnote format. That’s wrong.
Grugly2006: WELL YOU COULD’VE TOLD ME YESTERDAY
I see you’ve been busy with Photoshop.
Grugly2006: DON’T GO THROUGH MY PICTURES
Grugly2006: Okay, when’s the next embarassing thing you have a record of?
That would be the 17th of April.
Grugly2006: What do I do?
Maybe I’ll let you know in Part 10.
Lloyd: Is Michelle home?
Amy: Yes, but I should warn you: both Gruglies are here, and they’re engaged in a struggle across space and time.
Lloyd: I’d brave any space-time struggle for a good bedtime struggle.
Lloyd: Even an improperly-framed one.
Michelle: Please don’t attract their attentions.
Lloyd: Was it that bad?
Michelle: It’s like listening to an old, but PSYCHIC, married couple.
Michelle: Promise me we’ll never get married.
Lloyd: If you promise me you’ll never get psychic.
Lloyd: I definitely don’t want you knowing what I’m thinking about.
Lloyd: Better to hide it in the headboard.
Michelle: Am I pretty?
You are! With a new skintone, new eyes, new hair and new clothing, you’ll fit right into the future.
Michelle: So, basically, I’ll look good when you replace EVERYTHING ABOUT ME.
What did you expect? Do you know how long fourteen years is, in SIMS 2 TIME?!
Michelle: …I do not.
…give me a second, then.
Michelle: I’ll practice kissing future hotties while you calculate.
Three hundred and ten thou-
Michelle: Holy shit
THREE HUNDRED AND TEN THOUSAND, ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY YEARS have passed between where you are and where I am right now, roughly.
Michelle: VERY roughly!
Michelle: I can see how I might need a hipness replacement by then.
Walter: So, how was class?
He doesn’t remember, because I don’t remember.
Grugly2006: This relationship is getting weird.
Suzie: I like it!
Grugly2006: I mean my relationship with myself.
Suzie: Yeah, I like it! It distracts you from doing anything terrible to me.
Walter: Don’t you mean us?
Suzie: No. I’m allergic to usses.
Suzie: AND NOW THERE’S MORE OF THEM
And then she flapped her FRIGGIN’ LEGO FLIPPERS
So, the baby’s name is Chris Chambers.
Suzie: Couldn’t’ve put that on the pic he was in?
I liked the comedic timing the way it was, and this pic certainly didn’t deserve a better caption.
Suzie: FUCK ME, SCHRÖDINGUS!
Suzie: If he never comes up for air, he could be anypenis.
Grugly2006: I’m learning!
Lewis: I’m yearning.
Suzie: Feeling guilty?
Lewis: Stick your hand down there, see how I’m feeling for yourself.
So, I guess this affair is my Sims original sin.
Grugly2006: Original Simns.
It’s amazing, though.
Grugly2006: Sorry, I can’t keep raising and lowering the walls.
There’s keyboard shortcuts, but no, that’s not what I mean.
I mean it’s amazing that even though I completely forgot about this neighbourhood, the things that happened here… they recur.
Grugly2006: How do you mean?
I mean these two fuckers, here.
Suzie: FUCKER ME, LEWIS! FUCKER ME!
This pattern repeats in Autumn Heights. And then in Pine Valley. And then in Pine Valley!
Grugly2006: That was two Pine Valleys.
Lewis: She’s staring.
Suzie: Don’t look at her. From this angle, she’ll never know you’re not Walter.
It’s like all their mothers took Thalidomide.
Obviously he took this pic to show the weirdly-floating fence.
Grugly2006: Well, obviously.
Lewis: Do you think I’m going to hell for this?
Suzie: If low-settings base game isn’t hell, well… I hope we go there together.
Lewis: Wait, you… you’re just NOW falling in love with me?!
Suzie: I’m not gonna fall in love with someone before I know how good at sex they are! I’m not a whore.
Lewis: I can’t wrap my head around that.
Suzie: Let me wrap my head around something instead, then.
Lewis: THAT’S JUST YOUR MOUTH
Lewis: AND IT WRAPS SO WELLLLLLLLL
Willa: Hey, have you seen Lewis?
Suzie: Shh! We can’t talk here! The rabbits are listening.
Suzie: Do you think there’s a wider world out there, beyond the neighbourhood boundaries?
Walter: Yeah, but it’s all premades out there, and they’re hideous.
At this distance, you might as well ALL be premades.
Grugly2006: I think you must have different camera settings in the future, because it is HELLA DIFFICULT to get good shots with this one.
Yeah, I do.
I’ve also got better stuff to shoot.
And I know what you mean about the TAB camera… without mods, it’s literally the slowest, most finicky piece of shit ever.
Even so, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a Sims story with pics this bad.
Actually yes I have.
On the EA community site.
And those people INTENDED to share their stuff!
We’re just here for historical purposes.
And so I can fight with myself.
Every time the angle changes, I think “Oh, good, he’s not jerking off.”
Grugly2006: Yeah, I wouldn’t want to get my keyboard or mouse dirty.
Suzie: You can’t eat rotten omelettes!
Lewis: Yeah baby, breakin’ all the rules!
Lewis: And the vows.
Suzie: You made a vow regarding omelettes?
Here she comes, the sexy crumpled paper person!
♪ BLUE-EYED RED-HAIRED SEXY CRUMPLED PAPER PERSON ♪
This has been a paid announcement by Gibberishblur Pizza.
Rip Co. Wobbly Wabbit Head: Coded message received.
Oh, hey, it’s Thursday now.
Grugly2006: Yeah, has been since the second hot tub fuck.
You spent more than one day on hot tub fucks.
Grugly2006: Read that sentence out to yourself again.
Yeah, never mind, I don’t know what my complaint would’ve been.
Grugly2006: I’m learning to anticipate them.
Lewis: SUDDEN WALL
Lewis: Guess we’d better not get in the tub.
Grugly2006: No, sorry, that was me. Trigger-happy on the camera.
You don’t say.
God, I forgot about that fucking camera flash.
Grugly2006: Yours doesn’t do that?
I use a printscreen utility to take screenshots the size of my full resolution.
Grugly2006: How big are they?
’bout three and a half megs.
Grugly2006: This pic is FIFTY-FIVE KILOBYTES.
Yeah, and y’know what? It looks it.
Good idea, keeping an eye on the maid.
Grugly2006: They’re nuts, you know.
Oh, I do know.
Suzie: Wanna fuck?
Walter: In the hot tub? What a novel concept!
Suzie: Not as novel as you’d think.
Grugly2006: Okay, this one’s zoomed way out, and there’s lots of colours and stuff, and it’s STILL not even SIXTY KB!
Yeah, but I can’t do ANYTHING with these pics! At ALL! The big ones, I can crop them and sharpen them and change their colour settings, and then shrink them down to something manageable-
Grugly2006: Which is?
About twice what this picture isn’t quite.
Suzie: OH NO, MY HOTNESS BACKFIRED
Walter: Fuckin’ outta here.
Grugly2006: It amazes me that this was enough to get them only a “T” rating.
Yeah, not many games rated “T” have audio recordings of simulated sex in them.
Grugly2006: Remember the love bed in TS1?
Grugly2006: Hahaha yeah, you should name a Sim that.
Maybe I’ll name a cat Wollock.
Grugly2006: When do we get cats?
Seven months from now, although you’d never be able to run them on your potato computer.
Grugly2006: I can’t believe they had the gall to cut out all these expansion features and sell them back to us in the sequel.
Wait’ll I tell you they did it twice more.
Grugly2006: Oh, have you got the Sims 3 and 4 now?
But I’m not happy about it.
Grugly2006: What’s wrong with them?
Yes, specifically everything.
They look like shit, and they’re harder to mod, and they’re more… gamey.
Grugly2006: What’s that mean?
They’re less about life simulation, and more about… playing a game.
Grugly2006: Yeah, still not totally-
TS3 characters play themselves when you’re not looking.
Grugly2006: Oh well fuck THAT
And all the Sims look like FUCKIN’ POTATOES
Yes, I know, all YOUR Sims look like fuckin’ potatoes, too, but MINE don’t!
Suzie: They still going at it?
Grugly2006: We could ask you the same thing.
Grugly2006: But you’d have trouble answering intelligibly, so.
Grugly2006: What’s TS4 like?
I never bought it.
Grugly2006: How come?
Because I bought TS3.
Suzie: Was that lightning, or-
Grugly2006: No, yeah, me again, sorry. I need to space my pic-taking out more.
Grugly2006: Sorry, she needed to know.
AND ANYWAY I STIL LOVE TS2.
Grugly2006: I haven’t found a new favourite game in all that time, huh?
Other games are experiences.
TS2 is a consciousness bank.
These Sims are all, in a way, extensions of your personality. You guide them to goals you set, you imbue them with characteristics, customize them, get to know them. They’re just empty vessels for characterization, and you… get used to the company, after a while.
Grugly2006: But I thought you abandoned these ones.
And then I picked them back up, fourteen years later.
I wouldn’t pick most real friends back up fourteen years later.
Grugly2006: I don’t know if I like the idea of these characters reflecting who I am.
I don’t mean they’re like you. Some of them represent things you hate.
Grugly2006: It feels like maybe all of them represent things I hate?
Suzie: Bad news! God hates hotness.
You’re already using that hair for Amy.
Suzie’s a REDHEAD.
Lewis: I like her just as much as a blackhead!
Suzie: Do you think I used too much oil?
Lewis: …cooking oil, right?
Suzie: Like that’s even a thing.
Suzie: Well, if they turn out to be toxic, we’ll already be giving each other mouth-to-mouth.
Grugly2006: Mouth-to-mouth resexitation!
Grugly2006: YOU WROTE THE LINE! YOU ONLY GAVE IT TO ME SO YOU COULD GO WOOF AFTERWARDS!
Suzie: Walter moved out.
Suzie: Probably figures he’ll get more character focus somewhere else.
Suzie: You could move in.
Lewis: I thought I was already moving in enough as it is!
Lewis: Bitches hate rephrasing.
Grugly2006: Ha! This would make a good running joke, I think.
Grugly2006: But, wait! What if it was… “Bitches LOVE”?!
Lewis: Bitches love running jokes.
Grugly2006: IT’S PERFECT
I feel like I just went back in time and became my own grandfather.
Suzie: At least you HAVE a grandfather.
You’re the grandparents of all my later Sims.
Suzie: Thanks, that doesn’t make me feel old or anything.
What is THIS.
Grugly2006: It’s a mistake, leave it out.
If you think I’m omitting MISTAKES, you are WILDLY misunderstanding this project.
We’re here for every underwear chef salad, every off-center makeout, and each and every accidental camera lightning strike, baby.
Combinations are also acceptable.
Ooh, yeah, capture her JUST BEFORE she does something! WHAT an artist.
Grugly2006: Do you have any advice for making the men less boring?
You could try being bi, I guess.
Grugly2006: I’m willing to take instruction, but there are limits.
Amy: Being bi is easy! Just flirt with a dude a bunch, and your sexuality shifts towards the median!
Sexuality is a spectrum in TS2 in a completely different way than it is in the real world.
Grugly2006: Yeah, most people can’t red-shift their sexuality in the real world.
Now I’m thinking about Blue Shift.
Have you played that yet?
Grugly2006: I don’t know, I’m a figment of your imagination.
Yeah, you have.
Grugly2006: A figment of your imagination on which you have FAR TOO MUCH DOCUMENTATION
Amy: You figure by Part 15 we’ll have any dialogue at all?
Lloyd: As long as the kissing and fucking’s still in, I won’t miss it.
Amy: A world without foreplay.
Lloyd: A man’s world indeed.
Hey, it’s Kaylynn Langerak.
Is this enough to make my Sims story popular, or do I need to pretend to give a shit about Bella fucking Goth?
Kaylynn: I think you need to show that it’s actually me.
Can’t stand your face, though, sorry.
Pictured: the process of managing spam comments on gruglysims.ca.
Kaylynn: Pictured: accidental voyeurism!
Kaylynn: Okay, so it wasn’t accidental.
Lloyd: You weren’t kidding about that face, huh.
Lloyd: Enough butterface there for ten tons of macaroni.
Yeah, Lloyd is definitely Neil.
Lloyd: Who’s Neil?
A guy who also works out a lot.
Lloyd: The similarities are ASTOUNDING!
Lloyd: You’re definitely Grugly, because you keep leaving the walls down.
It hurts because it’s true.
Lloyd: And it hurts because it’s working.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 4 April 2006 and 6 April 2006.