The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 550!

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In which I fucking did it.

Back on schedule, baby!

Noelle: Back up out of my poop-zone, lady!

Charity: Good lord. I’m gone for the space between two chapters and you revert to sartorial primitivism?!

Charity: How’d you like it to not be immediately obvious that you’re a university professor? Don’t bother answering, I know you would.

Charity: Oh, hey! You’re the business reviewer!
Alvin: How did you know?
Charity: Yeah, you’re not at all distinctive or anything.

Alvin: Well, keep it on the down-low, would you?
Charity: I’m a businesswoman. Shady practices are my stock-in-trade!

Alvin: Are you sure you want to be telling me that before I review your fine establishment?
Charity: Yes! How else will you know that I’m willing to bribe you?

Charity: Especially with clothes. It would be a service to us all if you stopped dressing like that.

Charity: Or just stopped dressing in general.

Alvin: I’m thinking that might only be a service to you.

Charity: Speaking of services, how much do hotel licenses cost?

Alvin: Prove it.

Charity: See? My hand is a money-magnet.

Charity: Don’t you think the right hand of the Maker should look a little snazzier?
Gruglette Prime: I guess. He only does gross stuff with his left hand.

Charity: Haha! I didn’t need to hear that.
Sasha: Nobody did.
Gruglette Prime: I didn’t enjoy saying it, either!



Charity: And then back to plain old gross again.

Charity: I should branch out to hair salons.

Charity: Who does your hair?
Nick: I dunno, some CC person.

I’d look it up, but my internet’s down right now.

Which is why I’ve almost written three complete chapters in a row.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: What have you accomplished today?
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I haven’t fucked ONE PERSON you’d be mad about!

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I guess that’s a start.


Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: That’s the general principle, yes.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: You think I’m ever going to get over my reputation for nephew-fucking?
Leonard: Why are you asking Mr. Bearlybutts?

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Because I hate talking to the rest of you.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I mean I love you, but you’re horrible.

Leonard: We’re horrible.

Bradleigh: Hey man, wanna not freeze to death?
Nick: As long as the NPC can’t come with.

Bradleigh: Yeah, gosh, oh no, cans and boxes.

Nick: Let me put my can in your box.
Bradleigh: Teehee!
Nick: For warmth.

Charity: Warmth is good.

Bradleigh: I think my son is a magic Hitler now.
Nick: Who knew there’d be so many Hitlers some day? The first one was such a bust.

Bradleigh: Some people say that calling everyone a Nazi cheapens the term.
Nick: But what if everyone is a Nazi?
Bradleigh: Oh, well, that’s just real life then.

I hope you get curbstomped, Nazis.

And that’s not a euphemism.

Bradleigh: I think I saw Princess Leia the other day.

Nick: You are one hot lady-dude.

She’s all lady, dude.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I’m right here, buddy.
Nick: I prefer to think of you as not being right there.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: ‘kay.

Nick: Sure, back to the scene of the frostbite. Why not.

Stewart: How ’bout just WHY

Nick: Just a sec, I’ll turn him off.

Nick: You really don’t need to leave a gift if you’re mad, bro.
Stewart: What the fuck am I gonna do with a snow stereo, anyway?

Nick: I think your car is cursed, girl.

Victor: It might just be our family.
Stephen: Mine too.

Leonard: I dunno, I think we’re doing pretty well for ourselves.

Bradleigh: We can’t kiss yet.
Nick: We don’t have the technology.
Grugly2013: We do, actually. I’m just too lazy to employ it.

Bradleigh: I also am too lazy for employment.

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Awoo-oo?

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I’m a snowolfman.


Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I don’t even know.

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I might be about to eat that kid.

He’s had a good run.

Nick: And I can run again!

Nick: Sick new portrait, bro!

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I think maybe I’m a werespine?

I honestly don’t remember this happening.

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: It does seem unlikely that you would’ve missed taking, oh, five hundred pics of it.

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: And yet, here we are.

Charity: And yet, here we are. You, me, your camera and my underwear.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Yeah, he’s a pervert alright.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: And he’s in good company!

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever called me!

Charity: Mornin’, chum!

Leonard: I don’t like being called “chum” by a shark.

I know I said I was gonna stop with the excessive shower pics, but this is Bradleigh’s only chapter-ending image so y’all just gonna have to deal.

If it’s any consolation, this is a terrible, terrible shower pic.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: The only thing worse would be a shitting pic.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: The only thing worse than that would be two shitting pics.

Next time: no shitting pics.


I mean, I haven’t looked or anything.

I’ve earned that right.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 6 May 2013.

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