In which I’m doing it! I’m doing it!
Charity: Time to school these pre-capitalistic plebs.
Charity: Hey! HEY! Opportunity cost’s a-wastin’!
I should clarify what I said before.
I like Charity as a character.
Charity: You don’t have to like capitalism for it to work.
In fact, it helps if you don’t.
Leonard: …this seems like the wrong time of year to be putting in a pond…?
The fuck are you…?
Charity: Abigail managed to encode her university degree into my DNA. I’m accepting all the career signing bonuses, then immediately quitting.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: The moment there’s a significant sample size of Abigails, I become the underachiever.
Charity: Wait’ll she makes the Pleasure Sim version, you’ll feel better.
Leonard: Oh god, there’s a Fortune Sim in the house, isn’t there.
There most certainly is.
Charity: Otherwise known as A SIM WHO CARES ABOUT THE HOUSE
Charity: They don’t usually call us that, because it takes too long.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I can’t hardly keep up with you.
Charity: I wouldn’t advise trying.
Charity: Alright, momma needs a less altruistic project.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: We’re not mommas. Or I did some truly revolting things, recently.
Leonard: Speaking of truly revolting, I miss my sisters.
Leonard: Oh, hello there. Who are you?
Charity: Oh, hello there! How you are.
Charity: How you are indeed.
Charity: So true, so true.
Nick: Do I know you?
Charity: You could say you’ve known me.
Charity: But right now I’ve got customers to fuck.
Charity: And what better way to do that than with a rub-and-tug?!
Charity: I’m marking up the tugs considerably.
Oliver: I ain’t gettin’ no aunt-massage.
Charity: Yeah, I’m not really sure I want to give one, either.
Charity: At least not so cheaply.
Oliver: Why would I want something I don’t want just because you’ve doubled the price?!
Charity: Because advertising! Business administration! Economics! Other complete bullshit!
Charity: Let me consult my muse.
Charity: Maybe I should’ve sprung for the plastic muse. These corkboard muses have lousy finger-feel.
Oliver: Have you considered not selling massages?
Charity: Have you considered not being a filthy socialist?!
Oliver: If I’m filthy, you’re part filthy.
Charity: Alright, new plan.
Charity: Welcome to Greta’s Garb! I’m Greta.
Oliver: You’re my aunt Charity.
Charity: DON’T BREAK KAYFABE
Charity: Welcome to my emporium!
Oliver: Are you qualified to run this place?
Charity: I went to a clothing store and judged the fuck out of it, so I’d say yes?
Pictured: how I feel about Charity as a subject of writing.
Charity: Pictured: I want to fuck Tucker.
Charity: BUT ONLY IF HE BUYS FROM ME
Tucker: That’s one hell of a purchase incentive.
Charity: I went to university for this.
Tucker: I went to space university, myself.
Charity: They have university in space?
Tucker: Um, no? It’s on SimEarth? You have to go to space university before they let you go to space, stupid!
Charity: I just noticed your pants. You need to leave.
Tyler: THIS IS THE BEST CLOTHING STORE FOR JUMP-ROPE IN THE COUNTY!
Charity: Thank you for attending our opening.
Charity: How’s about you and I engage in an interaction involving states of dress and undress?
Charity: Or you could sit on my couch and watch TV, I guess.
Charity: Or we could do the thing I suggested.
Charity: So long as no-one more interesting stops by, of course.
Tucker: Well, of course.
Charity: Aw, bad news.
Tucker: We’re on a date, though.
Charity: That’s true. Alright, spend money on me.
Charity: As in, give money directly to me.
Charity: For goods and services!
Tucker: I don’t want goods and services.
Charity: EVERYBODY WANTS GOODS AND SERVICES
Charity: Do not speak ill of goods and services.
Charity: They make me wet.
Charity: As do you!
Tucker: Am I a good, or a service?
William: If you’re good, maybe she’ll service you.
Tucker: I’ve always thought of myself as good.
Tucker: Oh, hey, I just remembered: I’m actually on an island in the South Pacific.
Tucker: And also I’m married to your niece?
Charity: I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over your money talking.
Charity: You ever hear what every girl’s crazy ’bout?
Charity: It’s something to do with sharpness.
Andrea: I’ve got Sharpeness…
Charity: You’re not supposed to be telling people that.
Charity: Because you’re fucking Sharpes.
Andrea: Yeah, but people expect that kind of shit from us by now.
Andrea: Thanks for looking out for me, though!
Charity: The bill is in the mail.
Charity: God, billing gets me hot.
Tucker: Oh, that’s what’s doing it.
Charity: My first romantic transaction!
Tucker: Only fifty percent ruined by the ambience.
Andrea: Do you think I should get a new pair of boots?
William: Sorry, they don’t introduce separates until TS3.
Andrea: We keep hitting a technological wall with this game.
Well, too bad, because the sequels make me head-desk.
Pictured: asymmetrical commerce.
Andrea: That was the BEST SHIT I’VE EVER HAD!
Tucker: Stop shitting up my date.
William: Mommy’s little plot-hijacker.
Charity: It runs in the family.
Tucker: It had better run.
Tucker: The girl is mine.
William: You can have her. We’re related.
Andrea: He means Charity.
William: Oh well fuck that.
Tucker: I intend to!
Charity: Let Greta fit you out! A new costume for a new era!
William: We’re in a new era?
Charity: We are! He’s suddenly not writing like shit again!
Hey, it was only… about… forty chapters.
I found my muse.
Charity: Plastic or corkboard?
William: I was gonna pay cash, actually.
Charity: ♪ Meta ♪
Charity: Oh my yes.
William: You’re right, the orange Afrikaner look suits me!
Charity: .oO(Was that woman molting?)
Noelle: Go ‘way! I heard there’s awesome shittin’ here.
Charity: Go shit your balloon pants, we’re done for the day.
Tucker: NINJA SHOWER
Next time: Charity will only get you so far.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 6 May 2013.