The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 547

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In which some much-needed levity is provided.

♪ Jeremy swooned in… claAaaAAaaAs todaAaaAAaAay ♪

I fucking hate that song, by the way.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Oh, hey! Are you my bitch from the power company?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I’m willing to negotiate. I’ll only black out the county once every few years, as long as I get all my electricity for free.
Jeremy: That’s a very generous offer!

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: So, we’re agreed, then?
Jeremy: Nope!

Jeremy: I am authorized to issue a counterproposal.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: …and he hit me with a surprise left.

I still hate that song, but it’s a startling coincidence.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Looks like you’ll be giving me something I need, today.

Jeremy: THE SCIENTIFIC JUSTICE SYSTEM IS SWIFT AND TERRIBLE

Neil: We should’ve built a hot dangerous chicks station years ago!

Neil: Aw, what? Decomposing dudes in my hot dangerous chicks station?! Laaaame.

Leonard: Now try disintegrating god!
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: No, I’m pretty sure he’s on my side.
Neil: Hey, Jeremy! Catch!

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Jeremy’s already caught everything he’s going to.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: All the stars are out tonight!

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I am one of the stars.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I’m mad at my ex-husband.
Grugly Prime: He’s not even your ex-husband.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I’m mad about that, too.

Abby? I think you missed one.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Don’t give me that shit! Even a county representative doesn’t have sternum-punching rights!

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Let me talk to them.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: We’re the same person.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Yeah, but I’m better at it.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Hi! This is also Abigail. We disintegrated your dude for being a bad dude. If you have more bad dudes who have a problem with that, we’ve still got lots of disintegration left.

Grugly Prime: Oh, please.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Please yourself.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Or please me! Either way’s fine.

Grugly Prime: You’re fine.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Thanks.

Grugly Prime: Are you excited to get another sister?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: No.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: No.
Leonard: No.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: You’re not getting another sister, Leonard.
Leonard: Good, ‘cuz I don’t want one.

Sullivan: I do.

Sullivan: Or maybe just that one.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Oh god, I wonder if I can program this out of me.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: He’s gorgeous.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Yeah, he’s a real babe alright.

Sullivan: All I want is someone who loves me for the schoolbusloads of children I’ve murdered, not in spite of them!

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I love without boundaries.

Sullivan: You’re terrible.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: That’s what you like about me.
Sullivan: Yes, it was a compliment.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Alright, non-scientists go ‘way now.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Fly away home.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Except you. I can sense the chemistry from here.

Darryl: My girlfriend said she’d meet me here?
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: And look! Here we are, meeting!

Darryl: I’d rather we were meating.

Neil: They’re made out of meat.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: We’re making out with meat.

Darryl: So, uh, are you my girlfriend now?
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: No, fuck off.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I already tasted you, you’re dead to me now.

Kennedy: What’s her deal?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: She’s on the job.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Speaking of which.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Sure, I’ll be right in. After I seduce this weirdo.

Leonard: Hey, [ceiling] on your [ceiling]!

And then he pissed himself.

Leonard: IT WAS THE MEAT, I SWEAR

Leonard: This is why I wear beige pants.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Get your beige pants out of my test chamber.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Alright, Jeremy. Thanks for your contribution.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: You powered my project after all.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Alright, let’s autopilot this boring bitch.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Watching shit burn, believe it or not, does eventually get repetitive.

Kennedy: You gonna go and play with your toys?

Kennedy: I’ll be here if you’re still feeling playful afterwards.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I’m missing a makeout session because of you.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Oh, no. Where ever will you get another one of those.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Finished boiling the magic tat yet?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: It takes longer than you’d think to melt things that aren’t real.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: But! There’s a process, and it’s canonical, so whatcha gonna do.

Come on, the fire isn’t even touching it.

Grugly2013: You know as well as I do that you can’t raise up an object that’s bigger than one tile.

Grugly2013: Make sure you crop the bottom out of this pic.

Count on it.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: So, a Fortune Sim. What’re we gonna call her? Since Penny’s taken.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Don’t pretend you haven’t caught on to our naming scheme yet.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Something with a “C,” then.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Seven letters long.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Three syllables.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Charity.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: It’s appropriate!

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Unless you’re planning to make her a skinflint.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I haven’t yet met a charitable Fortune Sim.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: So yeah, it’s probably gonna end up being an ironic name.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I thought it was nicknames that are supposed to be ironic.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: She can be the first person to have an ironic name and a non-ironic nickname.

Leonard: IIIIIII’M STIIIIIIIL HEEEEEERE

Charity: IIIIII’M HEEEEEERE NOWWWWW

Charity: Where my dollars and cents at?

Charity: Also my clothes?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Guess we should go say “hi.”
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I mean… she was just you a second ago.

Charity: Are you aware of how many non-rent-paying persons are living in my house?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Add one more to the list.

Next time: Charity begins at home.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 5 May 2013.

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