The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 546

Click Here for Previous Entries!

In which I ain’t catchin’ up any time soon.

Grugly Prime: What are you doing?
Veronica: Disturbing.

Veronica: There’s no shit to disturb, so I’m settling on snow.

Neil: I’m disturbing commonly-held views on the flexibility of elderly bodies!

Neil: Also I definitely just passed a rope through my head.

Sullivan: At our age, passing anything through any part of your body is a feat.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I take it that means you’re sterile.
Sullivan: And yet still so filthy!

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: At least you don’t have halitosis.

Sullivan: There’s a project for next year.

Neil: Hello. Are we related?
Veronica: I’m your granddaughter.
Neil: Grand.

Veronica: So, you’re a general?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: He’s a general pain.

Veronica: Let’s discuss methods of buying your way into my heart.

Neil: Do you want a pony?
Veronica: How’s about you just pony up some cash, instead?

Veronica: Like this?
Neil: Yes! That’s precisely how you strangle yourself!

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I can think of a second method.

Leonard: Don’t strangle her! Suicide might still be a crime.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Hey, is this the power company? Buckle up.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: What do you mean, I can’t have the entire country’s supply of electricity? I only want it for, like, an hour.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Five hours tops.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: You strike me as more of a bottom.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I’ll gladly strike you.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Strike me with science, first.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Okay, this time we’re going with a Fortune Sim.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Why?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: So I can buy my own power company.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Fuck the power.

I think that’s “Fight the power.”

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I’m more of a fucker.

Grugly Prime: She fuckin’ is.

Veronica: You’re a creep.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Congrats on my successful date!

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: What do I have to do with that?
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I’ve assumed the romantic aspects of your life. They’re going well! They require no further attention from you.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Gee. Thanks.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Aw, come on. You know you made me because you were tired of interacting with people.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: And if anything, you’ve made me more tired of it.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I mean just look at these fucking things.

Veronica: So, I think my dad was being mind-controlled.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Ugh. They talk, now?

Veronica: Can’t you do some science on my dad’s brain?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Veronica, if I downloaded Michael’s brain to a USB stick, it would be a one-kilobyte tee-ex-tee file with one character in it.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: A dollar sign.
Veronica: Is there a character for swordfights and random sexuality?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I’ll admit that did seem out of character for him.
Veronica: So, you’ll look into it?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: As long as “it” isn’t the gross prison where he’s living.

Veronica: Yeah, I haven’t even visited him yet.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Extend me the same courtesy, please.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Who said you could use my stuff?
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: We already share all our genes, what’s the big deal?

Yeah, I hear you.

Just got our air conditioner put in for the year.

Canada!

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Okay, I hate to ask you this, because you suck, but: do you actually suck?

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I’ve done a lot of sucking lately, if that’s what you’re asking.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I’m asking if you’ve still got a scientific brain, or if you’ve successfully had it fucked out of you.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: You want me to run the cloning system.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: You do have a brain!

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Please push the correct buttons.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I’d say it’s 50/50, between my scientific integrity and my wicked sense of humour.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: That must have been a glitch, because I don’t have a sense of humour.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: You do, it’s just your coding is flawed so your condescension usually gets called on first.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Please can we make the next clone not as cool as me?

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Actually, what am I saying? This is science, not magic.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Ooooooh, that tickles. We could charge people access to just this part of the process, and sell the DNA data to various black markets for a tidy profit!

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: If, you know, we were evil or something.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Oh god, an evil me. That would pretty much be the end of things, wouldn’t it.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I hope this isn’t foreshadowing!

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: NOTHING CAN GO WRONG WITH ANY OF THIS

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: We’re making a talkative clone today, are we?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: We need to set this to music.

May I suggest the Be-

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: The Bee Gees, yes, absolutely.

♪ You don’t know what it’s like ♪

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: ♪ Baby, you don’t know what it’s like ♪

♪ To love somebody ♪

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: ♪ To love somebody ♪

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: ♪ The way I love me ♪

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: You ruined it.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: It was either the song or the clone, Abby.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Yeah, good call.

Alright, sisters, time to multiply.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Data looks good. You’re still in perfect shape!
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Was there ever any doubt?
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Yeah, I mean, standing next to me, you do look kinda degraded.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: We’ll make this one kinda tired-looking, to sustain your superiority complex.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Our friends, family and neighbours provide my superiority complex with all the sustenance it needs.

♪ There’s a light ♪

♪ A certain kind of light ♪

♪ That never shone on me ♪

♪ I want my life to be ♪

♪ Lived with me ♪

♪ Lived with several… mes ♪

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: No, I wouldn’t know anything about the entirety of Centreborough going dark. Thanks for asking, though!

Jeremy: We’re cutting your power off.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: That’s a dangerous thing to say to a witch.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Come on down and inspect our facilities, if you’re so concerned.
Jeremy: Maybe I will!
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Yes, inspect our gadgets.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: One of us is gonna have to fuck this dude.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: If the slot’s open, uh… my slot’s open.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Takin’ one for the team, eh?
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I’ll take all the ones you’ve got.

Next time: charity takes a new form.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 5 May 2013.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.