The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 544

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In which come on, can I catch up already or what.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: What’s going on out there?
Franklin: I think it’s called “getting on,” actually.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Like you’d know anything about that.

Franklin: I’ve had my share of romance!
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Why’s your share so low?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Could you go do that noplace else?

Franklin: …wait. Wait. Beatriz is…
Abigail: Yeah.
Franklin: No.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Yeah.
Franklin: No.

Franklin: NO EW NO

Romance: YES EW YES

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: “Ew”?
Romance: It was in the format.

Romance: I APPROVE OF THIS ESTABLISHMENT

Romance: Specifically, the staff.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Yes, let’s get specific with your staff.

Nathaniel: This is ALL YOUR FAULT!
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Your existence?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Or just your nude existence?

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: The only kind of existence that matters.

Romance: It’s super cold out here.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Let’s get hotter to compensate.

Romance: Like you could get any hotter.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Right?
Nathaniel: Don’t talk to me ever again.

Jeremy: Hi, is this the clone store?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I don’t sell clones, no. Anyway you’re clearly a townie, cloning you is not only trivial, it’s frivolous.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Hey, frivolous! You around?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: OH COME ON

Romance: Yep, that’s what she was doing alright.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I bet I could do it alrighter.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Sure, I’ll fuck anybody!
Jeremy: That’s… not what I was asking?
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Sure, I’ll fuck anybody!

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I’m a fuckwitch.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Also a datewitch.

Romance: You find me attractive?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I find you naked outside my lab when I’m horny, at least.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Talk to the ass, hole.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Have you been ass-rubbing my telephone?

Franklin: Asses! Rubbing ASSES!

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I’d be willing to start clutching them, instead.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: SPEAKING OF

Franklin: STOP CLONESEXING MY MOMCLONE

Romance: I’m glad you don’t want me to start doing that, it would be super hard to figure out.

Romance: So THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTEXT

Romance: Know what I’m getting on my back?
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: If you say “benchmark” I’m gonna cooch-clutch your dick off.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: …well?
Romance: Who’s saying anything?

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I like the strong, silent, still-dicked type.

Franklin: Everybody cheated on everybody.
Kenya: Guess I have to beat up everybody, then.

Franklin: Everybody’s name is Brooke.

Vicki: Statistically true!

Franklin: A+ dickmouthface.

Can you cast a spell to end this chapter? I’m fucking it up.

Grugly2013: Even real magic couldn’t help you at this point.

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: The rules of unreal magic have yet to be written, however!

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch:
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Wh-
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Don’t fuck your aunt.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Ever.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: And don’t tell me if you already have.

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Such a low bar for virtue!

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Hey, are those from Home Depot?

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Or somewhere fictional?

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: …Beatriz is my aunt?

Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: AW WHAT THE AUNT FUCK

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: EVERYTHING the aunt fuck, apparently.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: It’s definitely a goal.

Romance: Does that mean I don’t get a second round?
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: That meat can you’re packing down there certainly ups the odds.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Well hey, congrats on fucking all my kids, I guess.
Romance: Can I fuck all your sisters?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: You kid-fucker.
Romance: Yeah, she’s rapidly becoming less attractive the more you warp those words.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: THEY’RE NOT KIDS
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Hey, you guys like my wizard hat?

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: MANCHILDREN ARE STILL MEN

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to trim my bush.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Or insert things into it.

Romance: Would you be mad if I macked on Abigail?
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I’d kinda be mad if you didn’t.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: But yeah, clothes are a good call. She likes stupid shit like that.

Romance: Actually, I’m going home. To warm up.
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I prefer the exercise method.

Kenya: I’m a superhero.
Franklin: Yeah.

Franklin: Sure you are.

Franklin: You just keep protecting that bench. I’ve got this one.

Who’s left?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Only the most important one.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Appello Sonae!

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: That shouldn’t have worked.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: HAVE YOU FUCKED BEATRIZ
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Um, quite famously?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Right, that’s where your clone came from. I can’t believe there’s been enough mad science to make me start forgetting some of it.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I’m fixing everyone’s family ties.
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Did you fix that thing where Oliver’s dad isn’t my dad?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Yeah.
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: And that thing where Oliver and Angelica aren’t related?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: …shit.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Well, two out of three ain’t bad.
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: YES IT IS

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: No good scientist is satisfied with a sixty-six percent success rate!

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: On that note, let me know if this gives you cancer or anything.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Oh, I will.

He looks like he’s trying to get milk out of ceiling udders.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: I hope I at least get a tan out of this.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I do magic, not miracles.

Next time: magic, not miracles.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 5 May 2013.

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