In which I dunno, sex probably.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: …
Laci: You picked up the phone, Alvin, it’s a little late to pretend you’re not home.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Of course I still love you! It’s one of the things I hate most about you.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I’ve moved on! I’m part of the magic storyline now!
Laci: I kinda get the feeling everyone in that storyline is gonna die?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: But then again I’m always up for a B-plot now and then.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: You’re a horrible bitch, but I’ll let you make it up to me.
Cameron Price the Witch: Contractually-obligated main character appearance!
I think this one works better without dialogue.
Which is good, because nobody’s mouth is moving.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Which one of them is nobody?
Both of them.
Irvin: That robe really accentuates your figure!
Elvis: I will stab you in the eye.
Alright, welcome to my new side project, I guess: The Woodrow Children Staring Silently at Each Other Chronicles.
Irvin: I’m gonna punch you right in your stupid hat!
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: You kids are creepy and weird.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: And I am loving it!
It’s starting to look like they’re sharing one brain.
Elvis: What the FUCK! Did you just take a swing at me?!
Irvin: I WANT THE WHOLE BRAIN, FUCKER!
Irvin: Just kidding! Dickpunch.
Elvis: Don’t punch my dick.
Irvin: Why not?
Elvis: I don’t even know how to answer that.
Elvis: Irvin punched my dick.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Don’t punch his dick, Irvin.
Irvin: Why not?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I don’t even know how to answer that.
Okay, I’ve written myself into a hole, here, and I’d like you to haul me out of it.
Laci: Is it a “kids saying the word “dick” too much and it’s getting awkward” hole?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: LACI COME SAVE US FROM THE KID-DICKS
Laci: This place has really gone to hell while I’ve been away.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Oh, you’ve been away? When?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Anyway, it was just the quality of the writing.
Laci: No, he’s right.
No, he’s not.
It’s the quality of the screenshotting, too.
Hey yourself! I can see the bricks of the neighbour’s house through the gap in the ceiling.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Good news! I don’t have the ponytail anymore, and the other guy’s in jail! Nobody will confuse us anymore!
Laci: Hey, yeah! That’s great news, Michael!
Laci: Not funny?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I haven’t missed you, Laci.
Laci: I’ve missed myself.
Laci: I had to pretend to be someone else for years.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Yeah, how come you never got arrested for that?
Laci: Administrative oversight.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Meaning?
Meaning I forgot to get her arrested.
Grugly2013: I care.
Grugly2013: See how much I care?
Grugly2013: Gotta get the angle just right.
Laci: Hey baby, wanna get our angles just right?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: ♪ If you got the curves, baby I got the angles! ♪
Laci: You’re staring at my tits.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Yes, I noticed.
My dad’s getting ready to demolish my childhood playhouse.
It’s been a home for mice and such for quite a few years.
A lot of my toys have mice crap on them.
I’m very sentimental, but I also have OCD.
It’s not great?
Irvin: I’m so glad Elvis gave you the opportunity to tell us that sad, pointless story.
Grugly2013: Should I start clearing the playhouse out?
Pretty sure the damage has been done by your time, dude.
Grugly2013: Tell Grugly2006 about it before the Oak Point stuff is done, then!
Pictured: why you shouldn’t have polygons inside of other polygons.
I was really hoping the next pic would be of Alvin and Laci, so he could say “Hey baby, wanna have my polygons inside of your polygons?”
Sasha: Sorry to disappoint.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Hey baby, wanna murder Theresa?
Laci: What’s wrong with Theresa?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: She cheated on me! Just because I stabbed her in the face and cheated on her.
Laci: That’s garbage.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: THIS STORY IS SO TRASHY
Laci: OH YEAH BABY SLAP MY CAN
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: THIS HAS TO STOP
Laci: As long as you’re only referring to the wordplay.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: YES THE OTHER PLAY IS FINE
I’m so glad you decided to shoot this sex scene next to the most obnoxious persistent special effects failure in our game.
Grugly2013: Shit, the floating stop signs? I literally just now noticed those.
Grugly2013: Is this better?
Look at the hou-
Grugly2013: SHIT THE HOUSE IS GONE
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: WE FUCKED THE HOUSE AWAY!
Grugly2013: I don’t think they could hear the comet, from down here.
Laci: That wasn’t the comet.
Laci: If you just sentenced me to three years of pregnancy, I’m gonna need reparations.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: We could fuck on some other stuff.
Laci: We could, couldn’t we!
Laci: Of course, that would give you another chance to accidentally impregnate me.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: We could do it intentionally! That would completely remove all ambiguity.
Laci: And also all my interest.
Laci: Oh god, the hormones… the hormones are REVOLTING
Laci: They’re making me do revolting things!
GOOD NEWS EVERYBODY
HALF THE HOUSE CAME BACK
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: My hand is glowing.
Laci: Maybe it’s pregnant!
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I’m gonna keep it as far away from the rest of me as possible, then.
Laci: Oh, uh, I never actually asked you to marry me.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: That’s good! The paperwork will be easier when it doesn’t work out.
Laci: As long as we work out, I’m fine with that.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I prefer to work it in.
That reminds me of this one Tragically Hip song.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: How does it go?
A shitty singer sings shittily about a shitty sport with shitty music.
Yeah, that’s right.
Come at me, the rest of Canada.
Laci: Come at me, preferably only Alvin.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Can I also come in you?
Laci: Only if you can produce a second comet.
Laci: Just splooge on the car, it’s cheaper than wax.
You know, too often I get a sinking feeling when I realize I’ve just typed the Quote of the Day.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: SINKING INTO VAGINAS IS A NICE FEELING
Laci: Do you have a second phase, boss?
Laci: You DO!
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Is this what they call a lube, oil and filter?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I’ve never orgasmed to the word “no” before.
Laci: …that’s probably a good thing?
Laci: Probably not a good thing: accidentally making a rape joke right after you have sex.
Naked asses on cushions!
My new greatest fear.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: …the devil.
Since when is Laci a warlock?
Are you backsliding?! You’ve been publishing the Chronicles for, like, three years! You should know better than to miss pics.
You certainly didn’t miss any porn pics! I had to cut out, like, half of them.
Every other pic had them making a completely neutral face!
Grugly2013: THAT WAS A JOKE I WAS TRYING TO MAKE, DAMMIT!
Grugly2013: They’d be all like “OOH OOH WE’RE FUCKING” and then just suddenly not caring!
Grugly2013: You could’ve counterposed sex dialogue with boring dialogue, comedically!
Grugly2013: I can’t believe you’re ruining my journal.
Except their mouths aren’t fucking moving in these pics?
Grugly2013: …you’re still ruining my journal.
Laci: Now, now. We’re all ruining it together!
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: SOME OF US MORE THAN OTHERS
Laci: New hair!
I hate it.
Laci: It’s not for you!
IT’S ALL FOR ME
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I think it looks cute.
I think it’d look cute on someone who doesn’t already look cute.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Oh, that’s true. Rule of Conservation of Cute, and all that.
Laci: Sure, pop that feller right in there. It’s not as sore as a cored-out apple right now, or anything.
Laci: Yes, apples get sore. That’s how they get bruised.
Laci: I’m not gonna top that.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: You can top me any time, baby, with that bottom.
Pictured: what it feels like to go from playing video games to doing research.
Pictured: what it feels like to go from being naked to being clothed.
Not pictured: those kid dicks we were talking about at the beginning of the chapter, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU NAKED
Irvin: There’s nothing to see anyway. Your censor blobs just make it look like there is.
Look, if there’s someone out there who’s into adolescent Ken dolls, I don’t want them reading my journal.
Next time: passing the torch/house.
Not torching the house, mind you.
That comes later.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 1 May 2013 to 2 May 2013.