The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 528

Click Here for Previous Entries!

In which new years are for new characters.

Patrick: That’s you! You’re the new character!
Jill: What? Why?
Patrick: Must be the soccer mom hair, it’s pretty hot.

Jill: I don’t know the first thing about being a character!
Patrick: Being pretty hot is the first thing.

Jill: I don’t think I’m ready to be put on a pedestal.
Patrick: Well, I should think not! Pedestal-fucking is far too formal.

Jill: I think my nudity has been giving you the wrong impression.
Patrick: It’s been impressing me, alright.

Patrick: And making me want to press you.

Jill: Your girlfriend’s right outside.
Patrick: I know.
Jill: And the window’s open.
Patrick: I know! Hot, right?

Patrick: Look, all we’re doing is talking. She can’t object to talking, can she?
Jill: I bet she could.
Patrick: Yeah, what a bitch, eh?

Chase: And that’s not even the first time I pulled Roosevelt’s bacon out of the fire!
Veronica: …how old are you?

Jill: What are you doing?
Patrick: Accentuating the hotness, so you’ll get to remain a character.
Jill: Won’t Veronica mind?
Patrick: Not unless I make you hotter than she is.

Patrick: Which, honestly, the material just isn’t there for.

Jill: I’d yell at you for that, but I’d be afraid of getting my lips cut off.

Patrick: What do you think?
Jill: I look the same!
Patrick: Right? Super hot.

Jill: ♪ That’s why, darling, it’s incredible ♪
Patrick: What?
Jill: ♪ That someone so unforgettable ♪
Patrick: What?
Jill: ♪ Thinks that I’m unforgettable too ♪
Patrick: …what?

Vincent: Why are you here?
Ally: ‘cuz here’s the only place, right now.

Jill: So, you made me a pseudo-goth soccer mom.
Patrick: Yeah, you’re welcome.

Patrick: I think you look great.
Jill: I think you look naked.
Patrick: Hey, thanks!

Jill: You’re welcome.

Patrick: Whoops! We almost had a little accident, there.

Jill: Not so little.

Jill: And the only accident was not having it.

Patrick: I want to have you.

Jill: That tickles!

Jill: Again, though, your girlfriend is immediately below us.
Patrick: She’s definitely below you.

Patrick: You’ve got something on your chin, let me get that.

Patrick: Don’t back up, at this angle it would be disastrous.

Jill: Any angle can be disastrous when you’re naked.
Patrick: Yeah, and I prefer to let my disasters occur naturally.

Jill: I’m glad you didn’t go knocking at my back door.
Patrick: Well, why would I? The front door’s not as tightly locked.

Jill: Ohhhhhhh we’re fucking now, whoops.

Jill: Whooooooops we’d better stop.

Jill: Aw, hey, why did we?
Patrick: Don’t be ambiguous with your consent, please.

Chase: Check out THAT fuselage.

Ally: I’m into turbines, not fuselages.

Patrick: I’m into Jill.
Jill: Literally.

Jill: Give it a wiggle.

Jill: Oh yeah, baby, work it.

Patrick: Okay, uh, I… have to go.
Jill: Enjoy your bluejeans balls!

Patrick: Thanks, I won’t!

Blazej: Fuck you, kid.

Patrick: Not only do I not need your shitty Smoogo, buddy, if I hop in here real quick I might even be able to tag an old man with my bumper!

Veronica: Hello, naked stranger!
Ally: This indoor nudist colony was a great idea.

Jill: I think I’m treading a fine line.
Ally: I think you’re treading my foot.

Vincent: Evening, puberty.

Jill: Am I hot enough to join the main cast?

No, but this is a solid showing for the secondary roster.

Veronica: This is like Animal House, only with less noise.

And less sex.

Veronica: And less alcohol.

And less Donald Sutherland.

Veronica: Basically it’s Domesticated Animal House.

Patrick: Let’s see if we can’t wild it up a little.

Jill: So wait, you’re saying you survived the zombie apocalypse?
Ally: Yeah, I beat the shit out of, like, fifty goddamn zombies.
Jill: How?!
Ally: They’re already dead! You just need to make them realize it.

Jill: I’ve been waiting for you.
Patrick: So has Veronica.
Jill: I’ve been waiting sexier.

Patrick: I brought you some painful nature!

Patrick: It will die soon.
Jill: Nature-killing is so romantic.

Jill: You’re so considerate, Patrick.
Veronica: mmmf…’trick…
Jill: So sweet and unselfish.
Veronica: …’trick… fmmmmf… come to bed…

Jill: Yes, Patrick, come to bed.

Jill: And on bed, while you’re at it.

Jill: And you’d better be at it for a while.

Jill: You’ve got one heck of a boyfriend here, lady.
Patrick: Yeah, I’m a real catch.

Jill: So, how did you two meet?

Patrick: I don’t remember.
Jill: She seems nice.
Patrick: Yeah, she’s great!

Patrick: I think I’m in love with her.

Ally: That’s so sweet.

Veronica: …smby… leavea TV on…?

Veronica: …tap’s dripping… or… somfnnn…

Jill: Sound sleeper.
Patrick: They always are, in this kind of porn.

Jill: Thank you for porning with me.
Patrick: My pleasure! Obviously.

Jill: Good morning, lovebirds!

Jill: Thanks for letting me use your warming centre.

Patrick: Always happy to help!

Veronica: We need to start locking our doors.

Veronica: Who WAS that chick, anyway?
Patrick: I dunno. I don’t really notice other women.

Patrick: I don’t give them a second thought. Fuck! No, thought! I thought I said fuck instead of thought, but I didn’t.

Veronica: …souuuuuuuuunds legit.

Veronica: Because I want it to.

Next time: animal magic.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 27 March 2013.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.