In which new years are for new characters.
Patrick: That’s you! You’re the new character!
Jill: What? Why?
Patrick: Must be the soccer mom hair, it’s pretty hot.
Jill: I don’t know the first thing about being a character!
Patrick: Being pretty hot is the first thing.
Jill: I don’t think I’m ready to be put on a pedestal.
Patrick: Well, I should think not! Pedestal-fucking is far too formal.
Jill: I think my nudity has been giving you the wrong impression.
Patrick: It’s been impressing me, alright.
Patrick: And making me want to press you.
Jill: Your girlfriend’s right outside.
Patrick: I know.
Jill: And the window’s open.
Patrick: I know! Hot, right?
Patrick: Look, all we’re doing is talking. She can’t object to talking, can she?
Jill: I bet she could.
Patrick: Yeah, what a bitch, eh?
Chase: And that’s not even the first time I pulled Roosevelt’s bacon out of the fire!
Veronica: …how old are you?
Jill: What are you doing?
Patrick: Accentuating the hotness, so you’ll get to remain a character.
Jill: Won’t Veronica mind?
Patrick: Not unless I make you hotter than she is.
Patrick: Which, honestly, the material just isn’t there for.
Jill: I’d yell at you for that, but I’d be afraid of getting my lips cut off.
Patrick: What do you think?
Jill: I look the same!
Patrick: Right? Super hot.
Jill: ♪ That’s why, darling, it’s incredible ♪
Jill: ♪ That someone so unforgettable ♪
Jill: ♪ Thinks that I’m unforgettable too ♪
Vincent: Why are you here?
Ally: ‘cuz here’s the only place, right now.
Jill: So, you made me a pseudo-goth soccer mom.
Patrick: Yeah, you’re welcome.
Patrick: I think you look great.
Jill: I think you look naked.
Patrick: Hey, thanks!
Jill: You’re welcome.
Patrick: Whoops! We almost had a little accident, there.
Jill: Not so little.
Jill: And the only accident was not having it.
Patrick: I want to have you.
Jill: That tickles!
Jill: Again, though, your girlfriend is immediately below us.
Patrick: She’s definitely below you.
Patrick: You’ve got something on your chin, let me get that.
Patrick: Don’t back up, at this angle it would be disastrous.
Jill: Any angle can be disastrous when you’re naked.
Patrick: Yeah, and I prefer to let my disasters occur naturally.
Jill: I’m glad you didn’t go knocking at my back door.
Patrick: Well, why would I? The front door’s not as tightly locked.
Jill: Ohhhhhhh we’re fucking now, whoops.
Jill: Whooooooops we’d better stop.
Jill: Aw, hey, why did we?
Patrick: Don’t be ambiguous with your consent, please.
Chase: Check out THAT fuselage.
Ally: I’m into turbines, not fuselages.
Patrick: I’m into Jill.
Jill: Give it a wiggle.
Jill: Oh yeah, baby, work it.
Patrick: Okay, uh, I… have to go.
Jill: Enjoy your bluejeans balls!
Patrick: Thanks, I won’t!
Blazej: Fuck you, kid.
Patrick: Not only do I not need your shitty Smoogo, buddy, if I hop in here real quick I might even be able to tag an old man with my bumper!
Veronica: Hello, naked stranger!
Ally: This indoor nudist colony was a great idea.
Jill: I think I’m treading a fine line.
Ally: I think you’re treading my foot.
Vincent: Evening, puberty.
Jill: Am I hot enough to join the main cast?
No, but this is a solid showing for the secondary roster.
Veronica: This is like Animal House, only with less noise.
And less sex.
Veronica: And less alcohol.
And less Donald Sutherland.
Veronica: Basically it’s Domesticated Animal House.
Patrick: Let’s see if we can’t wild it up a little.
Jill: So wait, you’re saying you survived the zombie apocalypse?
Ally: Yeah, I beat the shit out of, like, fifty goddamn zombies.
Ally: They’re already dead! You just need to make them realize it.
Jill: I’ve been waiting for you.
Patrick: So has Veronica.
Jill: I’ve been waiting sexier.
Patrick: I brought you some painful nature!
Patrick: It will die soon.
Jill: Nature-killing is so romantic.
Jill: You’re so considerate, Patrick.
Jill: So sweet and unselfish.
Veronica: …’trick… fmmmmf… come to bed…
Jill: Yes, Patrick, come to bed.
Jill: And on bed, while you’re at it.
Jill: And you’d better be at it for a while.
Jill: You’ve got one heck of a boyfriend here, lady.
Patrick: Yeah, I’m a real catch.
Jill: So, how did you two meet?
Patrick: I don’t remember.
Jill: She seems nice.
Patrick: Yeah, she’s great!
Patrick: I think I’m in love with her.
Ally: That’s so sweet.
Veronica: …smby… leavea TV on…?
Veronica: …tap’s dripping… or… somfnnn…
Jill: Sound sleeper.
Patrick: They always are, in this kind of porn.
Jill: Thank you for porning with me.
Patrick: My pleasure! Obviously.
Jill: Good morning, lovebirds!
Jill: Thanks for letting me use your warming centre.
Patrick: Always happy to help!
Veronica: We need to start locking our doors.
Veronica: Who WAS that chick, anyway?
Patrick: I dunno. I don’t really notice other women.
Patrick: I don’t give them a second thought. Fuck! No, thought! I thought I said fuck instead of thought, but I didn’t.
Veronica: …souuuuuuuuunds legit.
Veronica: Because I want it to.
Next time: animal magic.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 27 March 2013.