The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 526

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In which I have to crop out like fifty speech balloon tails, and also spell the word “balloon” twice, which never goes well.

Luckily that part’s already over.

Yvonne: I like it when things are over.

I like Yvonne.

Yvonne: Thanks!

Shut up, I’m talking to the readers.

Grugly2013: I’ll have to ask Lance to spare her from the Maxispocalypse.

Faith: Wash my feet.
Tucker: What, with my MOUTH?

Tucker: While I suffocate?

Faith: Is that so much to ask?

Faith: Marriage is hard.
Tucker: Me too.

Faith: Well, we can at least do something about that.

Yvonne: I hope they get taken out to sea.

Yvonne: Or maybe just taken out.

Faith: Sex on the beach-bed!

Tucker: You’re my favourite drink, baby.

Tucker: A drink in the drink!
Faith: Baby.

Tucker: I never knew heaven could be so squishy and moist.

Yvonne: Killing him’s still on the table, right?


Yvonne: Sure I’ve got a pair of bolt-cutters here somewhere.

Yvonne: Wait! Be the bolt-cutter you want to see in the world.

Yvonne: Wedding rings are kinda like bolts.

Faith: Can you make her go away?
Tucker: I dunno, but we know for sure she can make me go away.

Yvonne: Are you a man of science?
Tucker: I’m a man of space.

Yvonne: Space is sciencey. Want to engage in a fidelity experiment?
Tucker: I can’t get engaged, I’m already married.

Yvonne: Bet you sex with me I can convince you to have sex with me.
Tucker: I don’t understand the bet, and that makes me want to accept it.

Tucker: Okay, so you’re a less attractive, scarier version of my wife.
Yvonne: I’ve got a non-religious name, though.
Tucker: That is a plus.

Faith: Tuckerrrrrrr she’s still therrrrrrre.
Tucker: You’re less whiny, too.

Tucker: And also you’re awake, which I like in a woman.

Yvonne: Alright, this is the hands-on portion of your training.
Tucker: The fuck am I training for?
Yvonne: Yes.

Yvonne: I am training you for the fuck.
Faith: fckn… fckn… fucknsistergway.

Yvonne: She’s right, I am her fuckin’ sister!
Tucker: I’m calling that her blessing.

Yvonne: …wait, why did you put your clothes back on?
Tucker: Because taking clothes back off is sexy.

Ugh, this again.

Yvonne: It’s very romantic.

It’s very boring.

Tucker: Is nasophagia also boring?

Yvonne: I think I still have my nose!
Tucker: I’m like a bird, I regurgitate my nose-food.

Faith: Tuckerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Tucker: What’s she saying?
Yvonne: Fuck her.

Tucker: She’s saying “Fuck her,” meaning you, or you’re saying “Fuck her,” meaning her?
Yvonne: Sure.

Tucker: Either way, I’m on board.

Yvonne: And I’m on Tucker!

Yvonne: Who is stiff as a board!
Tucker: And you were gonna make me just a stiff! For shame.

Yvonne: I have no shame.
Tucker: Prove it.

Yvonne: Always.

Tucker: I know everybody cheats, but… I mean.. I just married her.
Yvonne: Only sort of. Years have passed in the interim, from a different perspective.
Tucker: Yeah, but other people’s years don’t… count?

Yvonne: I thought you were looking for an excuse, not logic.

Tucker: You’re right, you know.

Tucker: And also having sex with me.,br>

Faith: …tckrrrrrr…

Tucker: …I’m trying to feel bad, but I’m feeling too good.

Yvonne: I couldn’t feel bad if I tried! Theoretically.

Tucker: You never try to feel bad?
Yvonne: I find everyone else is already trying to make me feel bad, and I don’t want to horn in on their action.

Tucker: Yeah, you’re definitely not the kind of girl who tries to horn in on someone else’s action.

Yvonne: I horn up other people’s action.

Tucker: Does that mean I’m Faith’s… “action”?
Yvonne: I dunno, this is really getting away from us.

Faith: …come under the covers, would… you…
Tucker: I think I’ll come right where I am, thanks.

Faith: …hmmm…?

Tucker: Why does this feel so much worse than all the other cheating?

Maybe because your wife is RIGHT THERE?

Tucker: Yeah, we should roll her into the ocean or something.

Yvonne: You fuck with my sister, I’ll roll you.

Tucker: I have no doubt.

Faith: Man, the tide was ROUGH a few hours ago!

Yvonne: Yeah, that’s the motion of the ocean for you.
Faith: Hm, what, uh-huh.

Faith: Oh, gosh, I’m naked!

Yvonne: How inappropriate of me!

Yvonne: Just inappropriate enough, I’d say.

Faith: How come you’re up?
Yvonne: Because Tucker was up.



Faith: There’s a bed back in Centreborough LITERALLY WITH YOUR NAME ON IT, Yvvy.

Yvonne: It doesn’t say “Yvvy.”
Faith: Don’t make me slap you.

Yvonne: I’ve already had my slapping for tonight.
Faith: Don’t make me understand you.

Faith: We’ve got a good racket going here! Why do you want to risk arrest back home?
Yvonne: I think the fact that you reflexively labelled Sharpesvale “back home” is answer enough.

Faith: Now you’re making my forehead crease.

Yvonne: Careful, that husband of yours is liable to fuck any old crease he comes across.

Tucker: I love that they walk around in their wedding night suits.

Tucker: I also love transitions.

Next time: a transition!

Tucker: Yay!

This chapter depicts gameplay from 25 February 2013.

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