The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 525

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In which reconsideration figures.

Faith: Refigure your consideration, please.

Tucker: I’m not that considerate.

Yvonne: I consider that attractive.

Tucker: I attract consideration.

Tucker: This can’t go on.

Yvonne: I find violence works well to stop pun-chaining.

Tucker: …did you just punch your sister out?
Yvonne: Out? I thought I killed her.

Yvonne: That was a joke.
Tucker: I’m not sure I believe you?

Yvonne: My sister’s the only person I wouldn’t murder.

Yvonne: Well, except MYSELF, but there’s a separate word for that.

Yvonne: So yeah, wanna fuck before she wakes up?
Tucker: How would I fuck BEFORE she wakes up? She’d have to be awake to have sex with me!

Yvonne: I meant you and me.
Tucker: It’s you and I! I won’t fuck someone with poor grammar!

Yvonne: That’s too bad. There’s no end to the people I’m willing to fuck.

Yvonne: FUCK INSTANCE

Faith: …what…
Yvonne: Tucker hit you with a starfish, and then committed suistarfishcide.

Faith: …what?

Yvonne: Where do people keep their amnesia buttons? I haven’t watched enough TV.

Tucker: I’m too new to die!

Yvonne: Go Team Horsesleep!

Faith: Oh, wow, did he starfish you too?

Faith: After he reverse-starfished me, somehow?
The Grim Reaper: IF THAT’S A SEX THING I DON’T WANT TO KNOW

Equipment visible.

The Grim Reaper: IF THAT’S A SEX THING I STILL DON’T WANT TO KNOW.

I’m surprised that’s a negative memory for you.

Yvonne: I’m mad I didn’t insert the starfish into him.

Faith: …I think I had all of the concussions.
Yvonne: There’s probably still a few left over.

Faith: …did my husband die?
Yvonne: I can’t be bothered keeping track of every random thing that happens around here.

Faith: Sometimes I forget what a hilarious bitch you are.

Faith: And how you’re basically a woods-shitting bear.

Faith: Welp, time to make a sand-tombstone!

Yvonne: MAKE TWO

Yvonne: WE’RE HAVING MASHED CRAB TONIGHT

Yvonne: OH NO IT’S RETURNING TO ITS HOME PLANET

Yvonne: OR THE CROP JUST MADE IT LOOK THAT WAY

Yvonne: WAY TO BE STEREOTYPICAL, CRAB

Yvonne: You nearly slit my hot dogs!

Yvonne: You only need to do that to sausages.

Faith: What’s the difference between hot dogs and sausages?
Yvonne: You’re hot dogs and I’m sausages.

Faith: So, sausages taste better but hot dogs…
Yvonne: Are less likely to get you killed, yes.

Faith: I WANNA BE THE SAUSAAAAAAGE

Yvonne: I’m gonna have to slit you, then.

Yvonne: …or you could explode, that works too.

Yvonne: If you’re gonna turn into some weird sand monster, you could at least have the decency to NOT get yourself up in my nether regions.

Yvonne: I don’t know if I can get sandgina medication out here.

Yvonne: Can I tell you a secret?
Faith: I don’t doubt that you have one.

Yvonne: I knocked you out and killed your husband and knocked you out again.

Faith: Can I retroactively say “No, you can’t tell me a secret”?

Faith: Why would you kill him?!
Yvonne: He wouldn’t cheat on you with me!
Faith: Oh, that’s fair.

Yvonne: …sooooooo, reset?
Faith: You betcha.

Faith: Refigure your consideration, please.
Tucker: Is that a reference to something, or something?

Faith: Like most things, you’ll never know.

Tucker: It’s a real toilet, Faith. You don’t need to paw kitty litter over her droppings.

Tucker: HIDDEN FAITH, CROUCHING TUCKER

Tucker: On this sand shall I build my castle.

Faith: Don’t fill yours back in, in case I change my mind about the reset.

Tucker: What reset?

Tucker: What reset?
Yvonne: C’mere, I’ll show you.

Tucker: Man, this is the life.

After death.

Tucker: What?

Yvonne: I guess I can put a little more effort/skin into the seduction, this time.

Tucker: You can’t seduce me, I’m married to your sister.
Yvonne: Have you not seen any porn?

Yvonne: The only way we could be more fuck-destined is stepsiblingage.

Yvonne: Or one of those boss-secretary type things.

Tucker: Yeah, one of those tiki spaceman – naked teenager beach boss-secretary type things.

Tucker: So derivative.

Tucker: So, are you gonna be able to go to university, here in Shifting Sand Land?

Yvonne: I can’t take courses, but I can probably get a professor to come here and get fucked for grades.

Tucker: Yeah, you probably could at that.

Tucker: …did you kill me today?

Faith: Yeah, let’s segue right out of that sucker.

Tucker: How come mine’s burnt?
Yvonne: I cooked the rest with suntan lotion instead of oil.

Yvonne: SHOULD’VE SAVED IT FOR MY FEETS

Yvonne: Sure, sure, laugh at the cold-blooded-
Faith: Hot-footed…
Yvonne: -KILLER

Tucker: Killer is right.

Yvonne: In the end, killer is left.
Tucker: As in…
Yvonne: As in “all that’s.”

Tucker: HOW

Yvonne: WE’VE HIT SANDWHALES

Next time: the sandwhales hit back?

I dunno, it’s 5:16 AM and I’m caught up finally, what do you want from me.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 23 February 2013 and 25 February 2013.

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