In which there’s a dick immediately below the cut.
William: Don’t call us a dick. Captain Sparkles doesn’t like being conflated.
William: He likes being inflated, though!
William: Both of us like naked oil ghosts.
William: We’re just discovering that now, not having had a lot of experience with them before.
Arcadia: Is she asleep?
William: Yes, but I think I’m about to faint.
Arcadia: You already knew I can walk through stuff.
William: There are some things which, even once you know about them, are still kind of horrifying to witness.
William: Honestly, if it wasn’t for your neon black tits getting my blood pumping, I’d have already cracked my head on the floor.
Arcadia: You must need a second heart to keep that thing erect.
William: Two hearts would certainly explain all my polyamory!
William: Feel that?
Arcadia: Very firm!
William: At this point I’m wondering if it might outlive me.
William: So, how did you get here?
Arcadia: I died.
William: Oh. Is this heaven, then, or hell?
Arcadia: I stepped inside one of ENTROPY’s chiefs, and sort of… took him over? Merged with him. And then I told all our cells to… stop doing what they were doing. You know?
William: I hear, but it would be a stretch to say that I know.
Arcadia: Well anyway, we both died, but for some reason I didn’t… die.
William: I never liked poststructuralism.
Arcadia: After I… fell apart, it took me a while to reconstruct myself. I wandered around in the woods a bit, and I found myself here! Something about this place brought me back! But I don’t think I can leave, now.
William: So, you’re a houseghost now.
Arcadia: And I’m here to protect you all!
Arcadia: From? From your SISTER, idiot!
Arcadia: Your sister’s still trying to kill you.
William: I think she’s trying to fuck me, actually.
Arcadia: Maybe, but she’s gonna do it praying mantis-style.
William: They don’t all do that, you know.
Arcadia: All of her do.
William: So… you said you… merged with someone.
Arcadia: Dude with a weirdbeard and a mullet.
William: Oh, score! That was Chandler. Thought he was already dead. Uh, so… this merging business.
Arcadia: I thought you’d never ask.
William: I technically still haven’t?
William: VERY interesting.
Arcadia: I can stimulate every cell in your being.
William: I’m mostly interested in the ones protruding from my midsection.
William: …yes, those ones.
William: Oh GOD, yes. What even IS this.
William: KISS US IN OUR MOUTHS
William: My arms shouldn’t bend that way.
Arcadia: I think I’m destabilizing your cells.
William: More superheroes should have sex in their origin stories.
Arcadia: I think the effects will wear off pretty fast. Ghost attributes don’t typically stay between saves.
William: I just walked my dick through a wall.
William: Can I fly like this?
Arcadia: Can ghosts fly?
William: …you say that like the answer is somehow obvious.
William: Man, this opens up whole new dimensions of sexual activity!
Arcadia: Yeah, somehow the less dimensions there are, the more you can have!
Arcadia: Yeah baby, have my dimensions.
William: This is novel as FUCK.
Arcadia: If anyone’s gonna discover novel fucking methods, it’s you!
William: Is this dangerous?
Arcadia: Oh, probably.
Arcadiam: We are one.
William: Hahaha just kidding.
Arcadia: Only not really.
William: It’s kinda fun, being two/one people/person!
Arcadia: We haven’t scratched the SURFACE of FUN, buddy.
Arcadia: Be my funbuddy.
William: I hope Penny’s a sound sleeper.
Arcadia: Meh. If she wakes up, I’ll just hide in the walls.
Arcadia: THE IDEAL MISTRESS!
William: We should experiment with hiding you in the sheets.
Arcadia: I don’t think I can thin myself out that much.
William: We’ll see how thin I can pound you.
William: That was meant to sound sexual.
William: It didn’t, though.
Arcadia: No, not really.
Arcadia: The gaffe is somewhat mitigated by the fact that I am unpoundable.
William: But are you unfuckable?
Arcadia: I propose an experiment.
Arcadia: Prepare your equipment.
William: It’s never unprepared.
William: You haven’t hugged until you’ve hugged someone into yourself.
Arcadia: I hope you’re ready to be penetrated while you penetrate.
William: Hey, I’m flexible.
William: I’ve never felt so close to someone before!
William: I can’t tell where I end and you begin!
William: Our bodies have become as one!
William: PORN IS EMPTY AND ALL THE SEX CLICHÉS ARE HERE!
Arcadia: I’m all the satisfaction you’ll ever need.
William: It would still be criminal not to spread me around, though.
William: But yes, you’re certainly the most fuckable house I’ve ever met!
William: I can’t wait to carry you over your threshold.
Arcadia: Want me to rejuvenate some of your cells, while I’m in here?
William: No, I’d rather all my cells were the same age. I hate renovations that don’t respect the original time period.
William: Home, sweet home.
William: You should really try this sometime.
William: I dunno, get your selfSim over here.
It doesn’t work that way.
William: Well that puts a crimp in my otherwise spectacular plan to murder and replace you…
William: Guess I’ll just have to fuck this ghost instead.
You keep saying that, but…
William: You know really good, really tight hugs?
William: You DON’T, actually.
Arcadia: Know what else is tight?
William: No, but I’m gonna know it!
William: …I DIDN’T KNOW MOUTHS COULD BE TIGHT!
William: BUT THEY CANNNNNN…!
William: We’re gonna have to rewrite the Kama Sutra!
William: The potential for new poses is endless.
William: Can you hold a pen? Or type?
William: This is INCREDIBLE.
Arcadia: Not bad, huh?
William: I’ll never enjoy Euclidean sex again!
Arcadia: My boobs are your butt!
Arcadia: My boobs were your butt.
William: Yeah, we won’t tell anyone about that part.
Arcadia: Oh god, what if we have a baby house now?
William: We’ll find a nice little plot of land for it to settle down on.
Arcadia: I take it we’re not telling Penny about this.
William: I don’t like admitting things anyway. Admitting things I need to explain? That’s a no-go.
Arcadia: Well, I’ll see you in the wallpaper.
William: Thanks for the good times, chimney sweep!
William: Better not try that again. I think there’s drywall in my stomach, now.
William: …did any of that just happen?
William: You’re sure I didn’t actually faint.
William: If Penny finds out, can we pretend I thought I was dreaming?
William: Nice to know you don’t have my back.
Old man backs aren’t worth having.
Confidence: Piss off, it’s MY hour with the house!
William Jr.: …does she not have her own room?
William Jr.: Oh WOOF
Brooke: Yeah, that was… yeah.
The breakfast of nobody.
Victor: Ha. Yes. She is nobody.
Okay, Past!Grugly, what’s with all the shots of people not talking.
Past!Grugly: They’re establishing shots! For the end of the chapter!
There’s still more than twenty pics.
Past!Grugly: I guess they don’t work, then?
Neila Sharpe the Witch: Speaking of things that DON’T WORK
He’s just a kid!
Neila Sharpe the Witch: Right? What’s his DEAL?!
Nick: Says the spirits channeler.
Penny: Go away.
Hear anything strange last night?
Penny: Did you go away? Because I definitely didn’t hear that.
Neila Sharpe the Witch: Did anybody notice last night, around 2 in the morning, all the windows suddenly snapped open real hard?
William: My ladies finish.
William Jr.: Good news! Nick pulled the bell curve down so low, I now respect you, Victor!
William Jr.: Don’t expect it to last.
So, she just lurks here now, huh.
Past!Grugly: I’ve got ideas.
I hope some of them involve replacing that face.
Brooke: There needs to be a scholarship for frequently-murdered characters.
William Jr.: I’m so glad we can be gross and asleep and fat and unimportant as a family.
Valerie: I say we put him up for adoption.
William Jr.: I say we lock her in the storage room.
Penny: I say shut uuuuuuup.
Penny: And eat your morning porkchops.
Uma: Wow, university, huh?
Uma: SOME OF US have to wait DECADES for that honour!
Brooke: The secret is not to be boring.
Penny: Aw, don’t you make a cute couple.
Nick: Fuck off.
William Jr.: Let’s pretend that was directed at me.
Valerie: I think they’re beginning to suspect me.
Maybe because you sit around thinking about them with big red crosses through their faces?
Chief: .oO(GET OUTTA HERE, SHEEPLEDOG!)
Chief: .oO(GO EAT THAT TOWNIE OR SOMETHIN’)
Brooke: Until we hit the lot boundary, anything’s possible.
*cat meowing, even though there were dogs in the last shot*
Victor: That’s the best you can do?
It’s late, and I’ve been finishing some academic work.
Victor: Meaning you should be GIDDY and PLAYFUL!
William: Gideon Playful! That’ll be my alias on my next international adventure.
William Jr. is basically just chibi William.
Neila Sharpe the Witch: Do you think lye soap dissolves skin sparkles?
No, I saw a conspiracy video about how that’s impossible.
Next time: Belinda the peen age witch.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 22 February 2013.