Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
In which positions change.
Victor: What’s your favourite position?
William: On top. Duh.
Brooke: I don’t care about the position, I just care about the company.
Victor: You know that green and red chick?
William: That’s not enough information, but sure, go on.
Victor: She fuuuuucks.
Victor: Her husband’s a Murphy.
William: Ew! Why?!
I could say the same thing to Past Grugly.
Past Grugly: What? …oh. The… yeah.
Past Grugly: Yeah.
Chief: .oO(Dude, you smell like wet dog.)
Victor: So hey, baby, I’ve got a Sharpe penis.
Brooke: That’s okay, I’ve got an unsliceable vagina.
William: All this talk of vaginas is reminding me of vaginas.
William: Vaginas which are apparently still at work.
Victor: Does your vagina work?
Brooke: Yes! It plays, too.
Victor: You can come in.
Brooke: So can you.
Nick: Welcome to the House of Coming Well.
Nick: …okay, more like wel wel welcome!
Brooke: Right back into you.
Nick: It’s not nice to kiss and tel.
Neil: And just like that, POOF! The Quote of the Day search is over.
I dunno, it’s not as good without the context.
Valerie: Alright, the coast is clear.
Cynthia: There isn’t a coast for miles, idiot.
You don’t have to say it.
Cynthia: Maybe I like saying it!
Cynthia: Gotta say, super pleased they haven’t filled this in yet.
Valerie: We could fill it in now…
She’d murder you.
Valerie: JUST KIDDING
Cynthia: ♪ Everybody’s playing, but no-one knows the game ♪
Cynthia: ♪ They pile up their cash, and they stack up their trash, but it’ll all turn out the same ♪
Cynthia: ♪ There’s ashes on the rooftops ♪
Cynthia: ♪ And fire on the hills ♪
Cynthia: ♪ But they hide in their homes, and they pilfer their gnomes ♪
Cynthia: ♪ And never know I’ve changed the rules ♪
Cynthia: ♪ ‘cuz they’re fools ♪
William: Alright, Chud, let’s see what you’ve brought me.
William: Oh no! A partially off-screen menace!
Neila: …I haven’t even SIPPED yet!
William: Hmm. Money is always nice.
Genie: You seem to be doing alright already.
William: ‘Alright’ is never nice.
William: Yeah, make me richer.
Genie: Metaphorically? With love, and success, and…
William: And money. Lots of money. Literal money. Bury me in it.
Samantha: Outside bathroom is my least favourite bathroom.
Samantha: Alright, Pinky, turn away.
William: I didn’t ask you to bury me with my money!
Genie: You really need to be careful with your phrasing, where genies are concerned.
You are glorious.
William: Who left the hat on the floor?
William: Oh, so all of us?
Cynthia: I’M TRYING TO SING HERE
William: Hey, yeah. Got a fifty-year-old teenager there, by any chance?
Uma: That’s a conservative estimate, at this point.
Uma: Aw, a home-coming present!
Uma: HOME IS WHERE THE COMING IS
Uma: OKAY, THE COMINGS
Uma: …home is also where most fatal accidents occur.
I meant to type “WHUMP” but “WHUMPS” is way funnier.
That’s an interior window, Will.
William Jr.: I KNEW THAT
Samantha: NOBODY CARES
Valerie: Do you guys just not go to school anymore?
Neila: We’re parachuting straight into idle richitude.
Victor: Call this idle? We’re tearing up the dance floor and busting up our moves!
William: Alright, time to save this mess.
Penny: What was that?
William: The sound of my crotch on your ass, an hour from now.
Penny: I’m in.
William: And I will be!
Penny: I guess jerks smell a lot like jerky?
William: Marginally clever, but magnificently mean.
Penny: I’m the mayor of mean city, my man.
Penny: I claim this drawer in the name of my name!
William: I love that each outfit has its own pair of boobs.
Penny: “E” for effort.
William: “S” for salivating.
William: Let’s not let that saliva go to waste!
William: Are you sure you want to do this?
Penny: The main reason to build up a marriage in this neighbourhood is to tear it down for a sex scene.
William: …so are you sure you want to do this?
Penny: I don’t know if I have wants.
Penny: Except maybe not to get crushed by a giant sack of money?
William: I feel you.
William: Can I feel you up?
Penny: And down, and all around!
Cynthia: I knew I should’ve firebombed the whole resort.
Cynthia: I’ll know for my next vendetta.
Cynthia: ♪ Everybody’s changin, but no-one knows what to ♪
Cynthia: ♪ They’re running their races, and sucking their faces ♪
Cynthia: ♪ And being me and you ♪
Cynthia: ♪ There’s snogging in the present ♪
Cynthia: ♪ And carving in the past ♪
Cynthia: ♪ And as they warp and they woo, and they cut and they glue, they let the choice go to their head ♪
Cynthia: ♪ Then they’re dead ♪
Penny: Do you hear distant singing?
William: Only a choir of angels.
So, what’s your new name?
Confidence: Confidence Daly.
Confidence: You like it?
You’re breaking my heart!
And splitting my sides.
Confidence: Oh, Cecilia.
William: ♪ Makin’ love in the afternoon ♪
William: ♪ with Cecilia ♪
William: ♪ Up in my bedroom ♪
Confidence: ♪ I rolled up to change my face ♪
Penny: ♪ My husband’s in bed, so now I’m at your place ♪
Nick: WOO! IT’S A TOO-MANY-SONGS PARTY!
Uma: Do flashlights work in outer space?
Penny: This is some pretty tame petting.
William: Love in the Time of Quarantine.
William: Except oops, where’d your shirt go?
William: Inventories! They’re not just for furniture anymore.
They’re also for the Traits Project.
William: …your shirt’s on again.
Penny: I love being disassembled, what can I say.
William: You’re gonna stop saying, soon, and start screaming.
Penny: …not as-
William: Not as sexy as it sounded in my head, no, you’re right, it isn’t.
William: …speaking of head…
William: Right. Of course not. No.
Penny: I want to keep my mouth free for other stuff.
Penny: Like TOTALLY CHASTE HUGGING
William: And COMPLAINING ABOUT IT
Valerie: Could be worse.
William: I think Valerie’s been humping her couch.
Penny: Can we do it one more time?
William: Why, are you hoping to make an ultimate composite of multiple shirt-removing shots?
William: I think… we’re getting to the end of the chapter?
Penny: Yeah, probably; my fucks are chapter-splitting good.
William: Hey, mine too!
Penny: Oh yeah baby, truck-fuck my face.
William: Alright, time for the ultimate in complex mechanical engineering maneuvers.
William: Do I need a keycard for this, or…?
Penny: Just break the damn thing.
William: You’re right. Disassembly is hot.
Penny: Do you feel bad about doing this to Andrew?
William: If I felt bad about things I do to Andrew, I wouldn’t have done so many things to Andrew.
William: Do you feel bad?
Penny: If I do, I can’t feel it over that bulge in your pants.
William: The bulge feels you too.
Penny: Let’s do this us!
Next time: uh… us-doing!
This chapter depicts gameplay from 28 December 2012 to 30 December 2012.