Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
In which developments are developed.
The game apparently isn’t as keen on William Jr. as I am.
Uma: He’s a freak.
Uma: He’s too perfect. Like you cloned yourself or something.
William: I… refuse to incriminate myself.
Victor: That’s some hot-ass piano playing, Aunt Valerie!
Fucking… fucking Sharpes.
FUCKING FUCKING SHARPES
Andrea: She’s getting better, but she’s still got a ways to go.
Andrea: Victor, please tell me that hit your head and not your dick.
Nick: Hey, the less competition, the better!
Uma: So, you just gonna sit here all day?
William: All week, if my stomach can handle it!
Bradleigh: Man, how do you get this rich?
Go to work.
Bradleigh: Man, fuck that.
Victor: I think I’m gonna fuck this cake.
Victor: Maybe I’ll just eat it.
Victor: With my dickhand.
Andrea: Better than a butthand.
“Penny”: Oh, how I’ve missed you.
“Penny”: I’m already on my way to Sharpehood, but maybe I need to hedge my bets.
“Penny”: Oh, who am I kidding? I’m gonna do this for the dick.
“Penny”: Curse you, dick!
Statue of William Sharpe: FINALLY.
Victor: Oh no, I turned into Victor!
Victor: Why’d you make me say that?
I thought it’d be funny.
Victor: It’s good to have you here.
“Penny”: Honey, you can have me anywhere.
Victor: Havin’, holdin’, it’s a good life.
“Penny”: When are you gonna introduce me to your dad?
Victor: Like, never.
Victor: That’s too revealing, he’s gonna mack on you in an instant.
“Penny”: That’s too slow for me.
Victor: If you fuck my dad-
“Penny”: Silly! You’ll never know.
Andrea: You’re eventually going to have to do something other than play with my tits.
Nick: But why rush it?
Nick: They’re nice tits.
Nick: PERSONAL GROWTH
Andrea: Is a GO!
Nick: SERIOUS BUSINESS
The years start comin’, and they don’t stop comin’.
Victor: I can’t believe I stopped comin’.
William: I am fucking this hot tub.
Nick: Yeah, that’s what I thought. Chess is BORRRRIIIIING
Andrea: LEARNING is boring.
Andrea: Sleep is all.
Neila: Wish I’d seen that man blow up.
Victor: Wish I could make spherical omelettes.
“Penny”: I wish… something… about Chef Alejandro Midlock, for some reason.
William: Okay y’all, holiday’s over, main man’s back.
William: What are you doing? You’re doing it WRONG.
William: You know, my dad used to teach boxing.
Nick: Yeah, to the chick who MURDERED MY MOM.
William: In his defense, this was after she did that.
William: But yeah, point taken.
William: Still, though, MAN! You’re making MY hand hurt.
William: Hit it like it owes you money!
Nick: Exercise SUCKS!
Nick: So… tell me how to throw a good punch.
William: Imagine the face of someone who makes you angry.
Nick: CAN DO.
William: Put your vagina into it.
William: Cake goes in dishwasher now.
William: Hot chick goes in son’s bed!
William: …why’s she thinking about…
William: Actually, Neila looks a lot like Virginia.
Well, keep her away from any open flames, then.
William: OH WHAT THE FUCK
William: You have clothes! Of COURSE you have clothes! WHY AREN’T YOU WEARING CLOTHES
Don’t wake her up! You’re forcing me to deploy nudity countermeasures!
William: They’re pretty neat.
I was getting sick of the halftone pattern.
William: Man, you try to get them to wear clothes and not mack, but Sharpes gonna Sharpe.
William: Oh yeah! I have a wife! Where’s she at.
Nick: Put THIS into your VAGINA
Nick: Put THIS into your ASS
Nick: Put THESE in your GUN SHOW!
William Jr.: I’m gonna have a talk with dad about the decor in here.
William Jr.: It’s not the sleepiest room I’ve ever seen.
William Jr.: Maybe I can block it out.
Ooh, an establishing shot!
Incomplete and at a terrible angle!
William Jr.: So, do you sleep beneath the glare of grey-skinned monsters?
No, just my framed degrees, reminding me of how far I’ve fallen.
William Jr.: YAWN BORING
William Jr.: How many degrees did it take to make that penis statue?
Alright Splatoon, put some clothes on.
Valerie: …”Property of Melanie Lillard.”
THAT’s where that is!
Valerie: Haunting up MY room, yeah! Great.
William Jr.: So about how we need to exorcise the Zombie Queen from this house.
Samantha: Clearly these are part of some secret code! Clearly nobody would preserve them otherwise.
Victor: Ugh, late for school.
“Penny”: Ugh, late for schemes.
William: Did I just hear my fourth-favourite word?!
“Penny”: Hello there, Mr. Sharpe.
William: Miss Spring.
“Penny”: I feel like I’ve known you, badly, my entire life!
William: Because I’m so famous.
“Penny”: Sure, that.
Samantha: I THOUGHT RELATIONSHIPS WERE SACRED
Wow, who brought you up?!
William: You’re getting awful touchy-feely.
“Penny”: Is it so awful?
William: If Victor bursts in, I’ll say it is.
“Penny”: Oh, it’s so good to meet the man of the house.
William: I’mma go to work before I fuck you, I mean do you, I mean do something in bed with you, I mean do something I’m good at like sex with you, I mean do something I’m going to have sex in bed with you, I mean do something I’m going to regret it if I don’t fuck you in bed good, I mean do something I’m going to regret later.
“Penny”: k bye
Samantha: K WHY
Samantha: We need to talk about dad.
William Jr.: There a big statue of his dick outside your room, too?
Samantha: Hahaha never mind, that’s too funny.
William Jr.: Hahaha yeah, it’s super fucking funny.
William Jr.: What’re you grinning at? You don’t know what’s going on.
William Jr.: You probably don’t even have a NAME.
Guys, I think Chief might be a zombie.
“Penny”: I’m eating my hand.
Victor: PROBABLY NICK’S FAULT
“Penny”: Why’re you mad at Nick?
Victor: He stole my girl!
“Penny”: I thought I was your girl.
Victor: That’s true! Nobody’s gonna steal you.
“Penny”: That fits with my understanding of the word “steal.”
Valerie: Mornin’ hunk stuff! I mean what the fuck, why did I say that.
Valerie: Wanna fuck? I mean HOW’S YOUR OMELETTE
Valerie: We are definitely related.
Valerie: And I am behaving normally.
Valerie: KEEP IT TOGETHER, KEEP IT TOGETHER
William: Keep it OUT OF THE WAY
Andrea: So Valerie’s acting weird and Samantha’s acting weird and William Jr.’s acting weird…
Victor: And Andrea’s a slut…
Andrea: Glad you’re handling this so maturely, Vic.
Victor: I’ve been handling Penny’s TITS maturely, ANDY
Victor: YOU CAN’T BUY TITS LIKE THESE IN A STORE
Victor: Or enemies like that.
Andrea: I’M HAPPY THAT I’M MAD
Victor: Ow! What the fuck?!
Andrea: HOW DARE YOU KISS YOUR FUTURE WIFE
“Penny”: “Future wife?” Who says that?
“Penny”: If you don’t bring her back, I’m gonna.
Victor: YOU AND I ARE FINISHED! WE’RE PRACTICALLY RELATED ANYWAY!
“Penny”: Hahaha, “practically.”
Andrea: DON’T ASK HER WHAT SHE MEANS
Valerie: Okay, okay. Cold showers, lots of exercise, keep it together, don’t be the weak link, weak links get cut.
Neila: Am I the only normal one here?
I mean, besides being a china doll, yes.
Oh, there’s also Uma.
Nick: BUT IS THERE
Nick: IS THERE EVEN
Valerie: I’m a doctor! I’m Doctor Valerie Enriquez! Sister of Vicki Wels- DAMMIT. Vicki ENRIQUEZ. Vicki ENRIQUEZ. KEEP IT TOGETHER
Andrea: There seem to be a lot of secrets kicking around here.
“Penny”: Some of them kick more than others.
Andrea: Do I know you?
“Penny”: Does anyone?
Uma: You can stop laughing at the concept of my being a character now.
Nick: CAN I THOUGH
Andrea: I’m not gonna look at you.
Andrea: Because if I look at you, I feel like a new storyline will start, but if I don’t look at you…
Next time: trash can murders and brothel magic!
Andrea: Right, that’ll happen.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 17 July 2012.