Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
In which consequences are somewhat consequential.
And families aren’t, really.
Don: As long as I get to see someone splatter I don’t really care how this goes.
Renée: The next few instants will be VERY crucial.
Welp, time to earn your pay.
Nanette: Don’t I know it.
Don: My hero.
Bill: My villain!
Neil: My pager! BRB.
Renée: Hold up, I’m getting a call.
Bill: Uh… I think we can handle the fat chick with the broken legs non-lethally, Nanette.
Neil: I sure hope not.
Nanette: I’ve got the situation under control.
Bill: My face thinks you don’t.
Nanette: Like the man said, time to earn my pay.
Bill: MY FACE WAS RIIIIIIGHT
Neil: This is less cool and more awkward than I thought it would be.
Not gonna help Renée?
Don: If she’s this disinterested in self-preservation, who am I to second-guess her?
Elle: She seems to have things in hand.
Faith: Broadcasting to our phones on the door lock frequency was a good idea.
Gina: An evil idea, you mean.
Gina: ‘cuz I don’t think these people are too good.
Laci: Alright Lace, make it look good.
The Grim Reaper: I TAKE IT THIS WILL BE AN EXTENDED ENGAGEMENT.
Laci: HALT EVIL DOER
Don: You’re Evil Doer? He’s my favourite supervillain!
Renée: While the towers are missing!
The Grim Reaper: COMING THROUGH, DON’T MIND ME
Cameron: He looks good as a corpse!
Faith: You mean he left a good-looking corpse?
♪ 3, 4 ♪
♪ Instant karma’s gonna get you ♪
♪ Gonna knock you right on the head ♪
♪ You better get yourself together ♪
Neil: ♪ Pretty soon you’re gonna be dead! ♪
♪ What in the world you thinking of? ♪
♪ Laughing in the face of love? ♪
♪ What on earth you tryin’ to do? ♪
♪ It’s up to you! ♪
♪ Yeah, you! ♪
Nanette: ♪ Well we all… shine… ♪
Don: ♪ DON ♪
Neil: Man, I hate hiring.
Look out! Evenly-spaced lines of oil are seeping through the walls!
♪ Instant karma’s gonna get you ♪
♪ Gonna knock you right off your feet ♪
♪ Better recognize your brother’s ♪
♪ Everyone you meet ♪
♪ Why in the world are we here? ♪
♪ Surely not to live in pain and fear ♪
♪ Why on earth are you there? ♪
Cameron: Yeah, what? We were escaping, what the fuck.
♪ When you’re everywhere ♪
Neil: ♪ Gonna get your share! ♪
Laci: ♪ And we all shine on ♪
Bambi: I HATE MUSICALS
♪ Instant karma’s gonna get you ♪
♪ Gonna look you right in the face ♪
♪ Better get yourself together darling ♪
♪ Join the human race ♪
♪ How in the world you gonna see ♪
♪ Laughing at fools like me? ♪
♪ Who on earth do you think you are? A superstar? ♪
♪ Well, right you are! ♪
Don: ♪ Well we all… shine… ♪
♪ On ♪
♪ Like the moon, and the stars, and the sun ♪
♪ Well we all shine on ♪
♪ And on and on and on and on… ♪
Neil: ONE TAKE, BABY. If only MTV still played videos.
Laci: You thwarted a jailbreak!
Neil: Did I?
Bambi: Hey, are we the only guards left?
Bernard: I’m sure that’s significant, Bam, but I’m distracted right now.
Oh man you just missed this thing I did, it was awesome? Where I started using a song to background what was happening and THE ENTIRE SONG FIT and I did NOT PLAN IT
And then at the end I revealed it wasn’t intentional and the whole thing was spoiled.
Ally: That’s nice, Jerry, go back to sleep.
Laci: Oh baby, kiss me before the plotholes sink in.
Bernard: I hope we get to rate our co-workers this quarter.
The Grim Reaper: DO YOU WISH TO PRESS CHARGES, SIR OR MADAM?
The Grim Reaper: OR ARE YOU A CAR
Neil: Well hey, have a nice death.
Neil: There’s a funnier one I wanna see.
Laci: She said she was gonna pull her punches, dammit.
Laci: Your girlfriend was a shitty conspirator and I’m glad she’s dead.
Laci: Man, what a gorgeous setting for a shootout.
Laci: We should have told him about the stairs.
Laci: FUCK ME LIKE YOU FUCKED THOSE CRIMINALS
Laci: FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME YOU MAD FUCKER
Don: I did not consent to this.
Neil: Pretty sure most of that was illegal.
Fucking under a corpse is legal in Morrowind, pretty sure.
Cameron: “Hi, I’m Cameron, I’m too fucking STUPID to break out of jail!”
The Grim Reaper: SHE LOOKS COMFY. SHE CAN WAIT.
Neil: Man, you never know.
Laci: I always know, but go on.
Neil: When you die and there’s a time skip and you come back, the future is supposed to be worse. Not awesome.
Laci: Maybe it’s just worse for everyone else?
Neil: Oh MAN I hope so!
Laci: HRACK. GOUFF. Right in the face.
Neil: Hey, man? Clean this up.
The Grim Reaper: I’M IN YOUR PRISON, CONFUSING YOUR PERSPECTIVE
Neil: Man, I just had an orphan wax these shoes.
The Grim Reaper: ANYONE I KNOW? JUST KIDDING I KNOW ALL THE ORPHANS
Neil: Did you get extra stank sauce on yours? I did.
The Grim Reaper: WAAAAAAIT A SECOND. FREQUENT FLYER? IS THAT YOU?!
Well, at least Bernard’s watching the prisoners.
Well, at least Bambi’s watching the prisoners.
The Grim Reaper: YOU AND I ARE GONNA HAVE A LITTLE CHAT ABOUT YOUR CHOICES, YOUNG LADY.
The Grim Reaper: YOU’RE BASICALLY RIGHT ON THE CUSP OF HAVING TO PAY BOTH OVERWORLD AND UNDERWORLD TAXES.
Kaylynn: Home again.
Ally: …is that the alarm I hear?
Neil: …shit, yeah! I couldn’t hear it over the Plastic Band earlier.
Neil: Oh, you were getting your beauty sleep, huh? Well it worked.
Neil: What are you worried about? Prisoners are like sheep, they’ll wander back into their pens when they’re ready.
Neil: Actually I’m not even sure sheep do that.
Neil: Maybe it was sheepdogs?
Bernard: I hope nobody expects me to pull a double tonight.
Neil: Hey, that guy!
Neil: Can’t be, I’d remember a name that dumb.
Neil: RATTLE RATTLE HERE COMES THE DRUNK TANK
Bernard: So who’s watching the prisoners?
Neil: Man, they can watch themselves for a bit! Lazy shiftless bums.
Neil: At least I hope they haven’t shifted.
My first thought was “I know which wooden blocks from my public school would make those shapes.”
So it’s good to know that’s still in there somewhere.
No, not the square, dummy! You want the diamonds and a triangle.
Bernard: Well somebody had stank sauce for dinner.
Alright, prison’s cancelled, everybody go home.
Bernard: I don’t think I have a home.
Neil: …actually me either?
Neil: Drunk is my new home.
Neil: Home bitter home.
Faith: Alright, they’re basically just asking for it at this point.
Faith: Road trip, folks!
Ally: Somebody say something?
Faith: The readers were promised a prison break! It would be rude to disappoint them.
Yeah, and I’m never rude.
Faith: …I’m gonna get shot.
I mean eventually, most people are.
Faith: I wonder what her overall plan was.
Faith: I don’t think it involved a dual-wielding sports general.
Hey, be nice. His dead girlfriend got you out!
Faith: You’ll notice I’m not mad at her.
What’s the next step?
Faith: One in front of the other, buddy.
Faith: I’m making this up as I go along.
Faith: HELLO YES THIS IS TEMP WORKER
And it’ll have to be!
Fools all up in this bitch.
Ally: How nice of you to call a thing that word for a change.
Ally: Bitches love that.
Faith: Shake off those zeds! Don and Yoko are bustin’ us out.
Yvonne: I don’t get the reference, but okay.
Yvonne: Hey, not a bad look!
Faith: I’m glad you think so.
Yvonne: We should rescue my sister on the way out.
Ally: It’s so nice to hear the pitter-patter of little WAIT
Bernard: Man, it feels so good to not be forgetting something.
Bernard: MAN I feel asleep right now.
Yvonne: Fuck that dead guy, am I right?
Yvonne: I’m always right.
Yvonne: May I?
Bernard: Go for it.
Bernard: Whoever you are.
Ally: Oh good, he hired replacements. What’s your name?
Faith: a guard
Faith: AMANDA LAGUARDIA
Ally: Checks out!
Yvonne: You ready, Mandy?
Faith: Shut up.
Yvonne: Does this make us evil now? I hope it makes us evil now.
Ally: I’m starting to think this is mainly a prison for tableware.
Yvonne: Why don’t we just go over the wall?
Faith: Because we’re not fucking morons.
Yvonne: We’re not? Good to know!
Yvonne: Ah, the heady scent of freedom.
Faith: We are literally never going to be free now.
Yvonne: Well I don’t know what that smell is then.
Faith: I dunno, smells like victory to me.
Faith: We could make a raft out of this and sail to SimCuba.
Yvonne: We could make a spaceship out of you’re an idiot.
Faith: Yeah yeah, it was just a thought.
Faith: Aw MAN, we should’ve taken their guns!
Yvonne: Good idea! That way the cops would shoot us on sight!
Faith: IT WAS JUST A THOUGHT
Sasha: MAN those new girls can YAP
Sasha: I’m glad they got fired or whatever.
Faith: You know what? You were right.
Faith: It does smell like freedom.
Ally: Where did you find that temp guard?
Neil: Let’s pretend I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Ally: You know, the teen? Amanda LaGuardia?
Neil: Are you having a stroke?
Ally: Aaaaand I’m calling the mayor.
Ally: Hey, is this Dagmar! Great! I’d like to interview for the position of prison governor. I think it’ll be open by tomorrow.
Neil: Man, they were right! Being here is totally different from being over there!
I told you!
Why didn’t you break out too?
Elle: Life’s pretty full.
Ally: None of this would have happened if you’d kept a tighter lid on your employees!
Neil: You mean none of you poking me? I agree!
Neil: So PUT A LID ON IT
Ally: I trained for this job!
Neil: I’m a Sharpe!
Ally: I am qualified for your job!
Neil: But I’m a Sharpe!
Ally: You’re an ASSHOLE!
Neil: Wow, somebody’s in a mood tonight!
Ally: Fucking try me.
Neil: I don’t want to. But I want to.
Ally: I’m camping in your kitchen until you call the mayor.
Neil: I’m texting her. How do you spell “crazy bitch”?
Ally: Ah, there it is.
Neil: WELL YOU ARE
Neil: Eat my dust.
Neil: I’m sure everything is fine.
Elle: Some of everything is fine!
Neil: I only vaguely know who’s supposed to be here.
Right, because when would that information ever become important?
Neil: Cute cow, check.
Neil: Boring driver, check!
Neil: Hot mess, double check.
Neil: She scares me a little.
Neil: Question mark… questionable?
Neil: Oh, hey, two question marks. Have we been punctuation profiling or something?
Ally: Did you hear screaming just now?
Bambi: I always hear screaming now.
Next time: probably less musical numbers.
But only probably.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 11 June 2012.