Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
The Trial of a Century!
No, not “the” Century, “a” Century! That’s how long it’s taking.
Aurora: I got the Murphy man!
Stephen: You sure did!
I wanted to see how he sees the world.
Turns out he doesn’t.
Joshua: Mr. Murphy, did your daughters get you turned into a zombie or not? Hint: they did.
Stephen: In their defense it mattered so little to me that I forgot they existed.
Stephen: I think the pursuit of knowledge is a good thing! I mean who died in the Zombie Apocalypse anyway? Boring people mostly.
Stephen: Everyone makes mistakes. Except me.
Faith: That’s my dad! Whether he remembers it or not.
Stephen: Anyway I was a pretty hapless dude, I’d probably have gotten eaten pretty quick even if they hadn’t invited a monster into my house.
Stephen: I think the dude who bit me was also a Stephen? Or maybe there’s a Stephen who looks like him? Anyway fate.
Stephen: Why are you letting me go on like this?
Joshua: ‘cuz it’s funny.
Stephen: Long story short, I don’t blame my daughters for totally getting me killed.
Stephen: I mean when you think about it, it was really my son who killed me. With a raygun. Because I was a zombie.
Stephen: Don’t try him either, that was legit.
Karina: I have no idea how this is going to turn out.
Joshua: Yes or no, Mr. Murphy: did your daughters invite zombies into your house?
Stephen: I don’t know! I don’t wiretap our phones! That was Abigail’s hobby.
Joshua: So, how many children did your daughters place at risk when they invited zombies into your home?
Yvonne: That can’t be a fair question.
Stephen: Let’s see. There was Lyle… or maybe Lyle was dead at that point? And Andrew… he might have moved out. He might have been an adult. I think he had a beard. And there was Orville and Frederick and little baby Leland… and at least half a dozen others. Yeah.
Joshua: …only one of those is a real person.
Stephen: Ask Abigail then.
Stephen: Look, I’ve been a shitty dad since I got Romance for a Secondary Aspiration, alright?
Stephen: Am I expected to remember shit that happened eighty years ago? Sheesh.
Joshua: I think we’ve proven that your whole family sucks, so, mission accomplished! All yours sis.
Karina: I don’t want to talk to this dude, he’s skeevy.
Joshua: Hard-working as always, eh?
Karina: Mr. Murphy, is it or is it not true that oh my you’re attractive.
Stephen: I would say both, yes.
Karina: Alright, admit it. The zombie apocalypse was your fault.
Joshua: That’s it, Kar! Come out swingin’!
Stephen: I can confidently say that I probably would have remembered that.
Karina: You can’t even remember the names of your kids. You think that might have played a part in their massive attention-grabbing armageddon ploy?
Stephen: I don’t even have parents, and you don’t see me trying to end the world.
Stephen: Anyway I was under a lot of pressure when they were growing up! I was a senator! And also having an affair.
Karina: Why would you just admit that, you tool?
Karina: …anyway here’s a question: those lovely dresses they’re wearing. Who paid for them?
Karina: ‘cuz the store says they were bought with your credit card, chump.
Karina: So were you in on the plan, or were you such a shitty parent that your kids were able to drive your car to the mall and buy suicide pact clothing with your money without your knowledge?
Stephen: I didn’t know that. I didn’t know any of that.
Karina: That’s enough of this guy, your honour.
Stephen: I feel like a dick now!
Hobart: You are a dick.
Joshua: The state calls Abigail Young!
Aurora: And it calls her in such a manly tone!
Joshua: You finished?
Aurora: Give me a sec.
Stephen: That’s so neat offscreen!
Abigail: And so funny offscreen!
Aurora: I found this weird robot.
Joshua: Were you just swooning?
Abigail: I haven’t figured out how to turn my biological impulses off yet. But I am trying.
Abigail: What am I doing here? I don’t want to testify against my daughters, and I sure as hell can’t testify for them.
Abigail: The stupid bitches.
Joshua: You’re hot when you’re hot.
Abigail: Look. My kids got a lot of people eaten. But most of them got better!
Abigail: And nobody misses the ones who didn’t.
Faith: That’s true! I bet.
Joshua: So you’re suggesting that killing people is okay, and this is something you would have imparted to your daughters?
Abigail: I’mma stop you right there. You’re talking to one-half of the Simmy Prize for Science-winning team that stopped the brain buffet.
Joshua: So your intelligence gives you the right to decide who lives or dies? Is that a Knowledge Sim thing, or just a your family thing.
Abigail: Teenagers experiment. That’s all I’m gonna say.
Abigail: Why you letting him walk all over me?
You’re a stronger character than I am, Abby. Dig yourself out of this.
Abigail: I didn’t teach my daughters to undervalue life. I don’t think I taught them anything.
Abigail: So maybe I was a terrible mother, that doesn’t mean oh wow I just realized I was a terrible mother.
Abigail: What they did was just a cry for attention. They didn’t start the chain reaction, they just… catalyzed it?
Abigail: Okay that still sounds pretty bad.
Hobart: It really does.
Faith: Hey, thanks mom!
Abigail: I DON’T THINK THEY MEANT TO BE MASS MURDERERS
Joshua: Okay, I’m getting sick of winning. Your turn sis.
Abigail: I hope you have a great plan, lady.
Karina: I do, but you’re not gonna like it.
Karina: Put that shit away.
Karina: You’re supposed to be an adult.
Abigail: I was a teenager pretty recently.
Karina: So you’re saying you aren’t very mature, huh?
Abigail: That is definitely not a thing I would say.
Karina: I can see you put a lot of work into that sexy science suit! What other things have you done to avoid raising your children?
Karina: Other than William Sharpe, I mean. I hear you did him a bunch.
Karina: True or false: neither you nor your husband did shit to develop your children’s moral fundament?
Faith: Very true.
Abigail: Maybe Stephen did? I was ignoring him too.
Abigail: So you’re saying it’s my fault they were stupid enough to invite zombies over for dinner?
Abigail: I did the biological part. I expected other people to pick up the slack.
Karina: Of course you did! And your husband was a great stay-at-home dad, right? Not prone to banging redheads and forgetting his children’s names or anything?
Karina: Totally the right kind of dude to teach them right from wrong, am I right?
Abigail: Okay, so I picked a terrible wife.
Abigail: I thought he’d take care of them! He’s a freakin’ FAMILY SIM, isn’t he? It’s not my fault the Maker played him wrong.
Karina: I guess it didn’t occur to you guys that a SENATOR and a MAD SCIENTIST might raise some SERIOUSLY screwed-up children?!
Joshua: She’s even hotter when she’s chastised!
Karina: Thanks for saving the world, Ms. Young! Thanks for saving it from your own fuckup.
Joshua: Objection! My sister is just doing some catty catfight thing.
Abigail: Hokay, alpha man, I do not need your help here.
Hobart: Seriously dude, join the twenty-first century already.
Hobart: You frikkin’ people.
Abigail: I concede that maybe not having time for children should be a barrier to having children.
Abigail: But making the world a better place was worth inadvertently making it a worse place! Oh Christ what am I saying.
Karina: More than enough. Back to you, Josh!
Andrew: Well that was hard to watch.
Oliver: I hope dad heard some of that.
Kyle: Is it sexist to blame a woman for her husband being a bad wife? I think it is but it’s really hard to parse.
Kyle: It’s not mom’s fault dad was useless.
Andrew: No, but unlike him, she has the self-awareness to realize that he was useless.
Oliver: Doesn’t everyone have a right to their career?
Andrew: Maybe not a career and eight children, though.
Kyle: Wow, they got up to eight?!
Hobart: You’re free to go, Ms. Young. I’m sorry your husband was terrible at swapping gender roles with you.
Abigail: That gives me a GREAT idea for a science experiment.
First fix whatever awful thing your arm is doing.
Joshua: The state calls STOP TALKING BEHIND ME ALREADY. The state calls Leonard Murphy.
Yvonne: Who the hell is Leonard Murphy?
Faith: I think I remember stepping on him once?
Joshua: Glad you could join us, Mr. Murphy! I’m going to call you Leonard, to distinguish you from the other half-dozen Mr. Murphies.
Joshua: So hey! How did your sisters fuck up your life.
Leonard: I don’t remember. I was a baby.
Joshua: But wise beyond your years, am I right?
Leonard: No. You are NOT right. I was a BABY.
Leonard: I remember people making face noises.
Leonard: Language skills aren’t retroactive.
Stewart: Where was I during all of this?
From what I can see, even back then I didn’t like focusing on you.
Kyle: It sounds like being dead was a good call by me!
Oliver: Didn’t you burn to death accidentally?
Andrew: Do people burn to death on purpose?
Joshua: Hahaha religion.
Leonard: Ew! No.
Leonard: Look man, I don’t know what to tell you. Toddlerhood was the only part of my life I paid less attention to than teenhood.
Joshua: Aw, come on! You saw your parents get eaten. A body doesn’t forget that shit!
Joshua: gory details pls
Leonard: I don’t remember anything! Except for the cat. I was hugging the cat. I miss that cat.
Leonard: Okay there was a smell. Not a great smell.
Leonard: And my dad getting eaten. Other than that I remember nothing.
Leonard: Holy shit I remember my dad getting eaten.
Joshua: Your traumatized witness, sis.
Karina: So now you remember the most important things you ever saw? THAT’S real fuckin’ convenient.
Leonard: If you want these memories, you can have them.
Leonard: Man, I liked being able to sleep at night.
Karina: You’ve been asleep your whole life, buddy.
Karina: I’m so glad we dignified this toddler testimony!
Karina: We should have resurrected the cat and asked her what she remembers!
Joshua: Objection! The cat was male.
Karina: Any anyway, didn’t you get hit by a car and die? How reliable is your brain now.
Leonard: I live in a constant state of uncertainty and fear.
Leonard: Thank you for reminding me.
Karina: I’d just like to thank the prosecution for creating a new type of evidence even less admissible than hearsay.
Karina: Mom would be so proud.
Karina: Just like Ms. Young, who is almost certainly proud of what her neglect forced her poor innocent daughters to do.
Faith: Hey, we were never “poor.”
Karina: Ultimately, how does the defense respond to Leonard Murphy’s incisive and damning testimony?
Karina: What testimony.
Joshua: Pretty snotty sis.
Joshua: The prosection rests. Comfortably. Stylishly.
Hobart: Go back to bed, kid.
Leonard: Thank GOD.
Hobart: Your turn, Ms. Lawson. Please salvage today.
Oliver: I think the judge is on our side!
Stewart: Is our side the one that wants the zombie collaborators to go free? ‘cuz I don’t think I’m on our side if that’s the case.
Karina: The state calls Faith Murphy to the stand.
Yvonne: How come you get to go first?
Faith: No way this can go wrong!
Karina: Okay, Faith: would you describe your mother as a mother?
Faith: That’s sexist. You should be asking if I’d define my mother or my father as a mother! And the answer is no.
Faith: We were raised by robots.
Joshua: Objection! That’s the younger kids.
Faith: Well I can’t be expected to remember this convoluted story!
Everybody do a dance!
Faith: Wait, is your defense that it’s not our fault because our parents sucked? Because that is not gonna work.
Faith: We knew what we were doing! It just wasn’t wrong. Knowledge is NEVER wrong! Even when everyone dies because of it.
Faith: Knowing things is more important than knowing people.
Joshua: I’m really glad you called her, sis.
Faith: I wanted to know what it was like to be a zombie! And I shared that gift with the rest of the community.
Faith: You’re all welcome!
Karina: Please stop talking.
Faith: Sometimes you gotta break a few brains to make a brain omelette!
Faith: I’m not helping am I.
Faith: This is my vampire impression.
Faith: This is my contrition impression. Because I’m incapable of feeling real guilt.
Faith: WAH WAH WAH DON’T PUNISH ME
Karina: See? SEE? She’s too immature to be treasonous!
Faith: THAT’S MEAN
Karina: Any openings in the prosecutor’s office?
Joshua: Not for losing lawyers, there aren’t.
Faith: My sister has a fool for a co-client.
Karina: The defense calls for help.
Next time: the time of more trials.
Or rather the time of more of this trial.