Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
I don’t like to think of this update as short. I like to think of it as instant gratification!
I’m instantly gratified by how quickly I can move on.
Renée: It’s no fair. I work half the damn day! My updates end up being too short.
Considering the shit that’s happened to you when you’ve been on-screen, I’d have thought you’d approve.
Man, did you go to an optimist immersion school or something?
I hope there’s something in there about pattern recognition.
Renée: I’ve decided that the problem is my clothes.
Not that you were part of a zombie apocalypse, or that you’re in an evil witness protection program, or that you constantly die, or that your fake face is hideous?
Renée: Right, none of that.
Renée: Hey Sullivan!
Sullivan: Hey Pugsley!
Ian: Hello there! I’m-
Renée: -in front of the clothing rack for no reason, yes, I’ve noticed.
Renée: Look at you. You can’t be trusted to buy your own clothes!
Brooke: Any chance you’re looking for a bright and intelligent housemate?
Renée: Sorry honey. You’ll have to get playable status from some other schmuck.
Alternatively you could get eaten by a zombie!
That guarantees at least an extra two shots of you! Before you’re actually shot.
Renée: I’d like to maintain his hardware…
Corey: MAN! We don’t get to do this often enough anymore.
Renée: It’s pretty fuckin’ metal, won’t deny it.
Corey: I prefer to put the “agent” part before the “secret” part.
The Grim Reaper: STILL A FEW STRAGGLERS LEFT, HUH?
Deborah: I thought all the zombies were dead.
The Grim Reaper: I WAS REFERRING TO THE LIVING.
Dream on, Debs.
Corey: You looking for a partner?
Vicki: He’d look better with a mullet.
Go away, you’re in jail.
Michael: Wow, that guy’s pretty cool. This must be his chapter.
Renée: Ooh… baby got sore back.
This just in: taking cats for walks ISN’T A THING.
Angelica: I think you’ll find-
NOT IF I DON’T LOOK
Renée: Hey Haggy. Can I call you Haggy? Oh. Well. Please come over anyway, Jeremy.
Jeremy: My last name is Haggerty.
Victor: No, I was trying to get your attention, Haggy.
Jeremy: My first name is Jeremy.
Victor: Don’t need the life story, Haggy.
Jeremy: Why are you standing over there?
Victor: The element of surprise!
Jeremy: Are… are you gonna shoot her or something?
Victor: I like to keep my options open.
Victor: Although I see them closing by the second…
Renée: Hi! I’m Renée.
Victor: We’ll see about that.
Renée: Ooh, I love a man of authority!
Victor: Not unless I say you do, you don’t!
Jeremy: This was out so I assumed I could have it.
Victor: We know an awful lot about you down at the station, Renée.
Renée: You do? Could you tell me?
Victor: You have a very nice pair of breasts, Renée. If that is your real name.
Renée: It is.
Victor: You mean “they are.” You have two breasts, stupid.
Renée: Welp, you’d know better than I!
Victor: That’s a lovely pink hole you have.
Renée: Sometimes I fantasize about the lobotomized carpool drivers.
Victor: Their lack of personality is a definite plus!
Renée: Yeah, that’s my kind of man alright.
Renée: Well, it was nice meeting you Mr. Cop.
Renée: Quick what?
Renée: Anyway, it was very nice meeting you, Mr. Cop.
Victor: You already said that, stupid.
Victor: Is that some kind of advanced interrogation technique?
Victor: It looks complicated.
Renée: What do you look for in a woman, Mr. Cop?
Victor: Well, they can’t be my wife, or friends with my wife, or aware of my wife…
Victor: I prefer the helpless elderly.
Victor: But I want them to look strong so nobody thinks to defend them.
Victor: And I definitely can’t stand women with their own sense of personal style.
Renée: WELL I GUESS THIS IS GOODBYE
Renée: YOU CAN LEAVE NOW
Renée: I wonder what he wanted.
Maybe the cops are wondering why you suddenly exist.
Renée: They’re nosy like that.
Renée: Finally, it’s morning! Time to seize the day and really make a dent in my goals!
Hey, welcome home. Good day at work?
Renée: Well, first of all-
No time for that, the chapter’s over.
Next time: the secretest of agents.
Renée: But I was going to-