Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Blah blah blah let’s get moving!
And let’s do it right this time.
Oh, fuck! Haha. Cameron was supposed to go to jail too!
Cameron: Yeah I was real worried you’d forget.
Morning again, ladies.
Right, right. Only the time traveller perceives the time travel.
Nerissa: Why don’t you just cheat and skip this story?
Ricky: If you’re referring to her, you must mean Obviously Cute Dame!
Chelsea: I don’t want your compliments if that’s the best you can do.
Brooke: I like this YMCA!
Brooke: …do I have to shoot her now?
Brooke: RUN BROOKE I’M YOUR OLDER SELF
There’s too many Brookes in this neighbourhood.
I should have called it Storybrooke.
Emmy: This hotel is pretty great.
Annie: Isn’t the governor a hottie?
Aurora: I prefer Darryl and Rick.
Penny: I’M ALLOWED TO BE OUT OF UNIFORM WHEN I’M PREGNANT
Nerissa: Take them in for processing, officer Jailowitz.
Ricky: That’s Jalowitz.
Nerissa: Well that’s stupid.
Brooke: Get moving! I don’t want you starting any international incidents on the way to the desk, I know what you fuckers are like.
Nawwaf: I am not cleaning that up.
Brooke: …you don’t mind if I handle the registration, do you?
Chelsea: Where’s your sense of adventure?!
Nerissa: I will end you.
Chelsea: Lady, don’t even get me started.
Rosemarie: Ooh sick burn!
Cameron: I DON’T SPEAK MILLENNIAL.
Tish: Did you see? We’re getting new tenants!
Annie: You mean the prisoners?
Tish: What kind of attitude is that? I wouldn’t have joined this public housing project if I knew my coworkers were gonna be so cynical.
Chelsea: Can we hurry this along? I can’t wait to sample your gruel.
Cameron: If anybody tries to touch you, remind them of your rights! With violence.
Rosemarie: I want the cell across from yours. To watch.
Brooke: Okay Ms. Price, could you please explain to me the nature of your offense?
Chelsea: I’m offended by that ponytail. Thank you for asking.
Chelsea: Oh, you mean… haha, right! You want to know about that dude I shot. With a machinegun.
Chelsea: DAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKA! Haha.
Chelsea: Talk about failing a spot check.
Brooke: It could have happened to anybody stupid.
Ricky: If you’ll follow me to your cell, we’ll get you settled in. Your hardened criminal nickname will be “THE BUTCHER.”
Nerissa: I thought we decided not to do the nickname thing.
Ricky: I wouldn’t even have come in to work today if that was the case.
Ricky: Anyway I bet you’re wondering why I picked “THE BUTCHER.”
Chelsea: ‘cuz I shot a cow.
Ricky: No, because you shot FUCK
Ricky: THERE’LL BE NO PRIME CUTS WHERE YOU’RE GOING, THE BUTCHER!
Chelsea: Which is… right here?
Ricky: Yeah, I should have said that part outside.
Chelsea: Do you even get wifi in here?
Cameron: Something on your mind, chief?
Chelsea: Where’s the bidet?
Rosemarie: You go on ahead. I want to see how you try to justify your shit.
Brooke: The nature of your offense?
Cameron: I’m offended that I have to call it that.
Cameron: I mean Jesus CHRIST guys, history won’t be kind to people like you who try to stymie intellectual freedom.
Cameron: But, like, I learned some very interesting things from it!
Cameron: And think of all the medical advances that wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t caused half the county to die!
Cameron: You should be building me a statue.
Ricky: If you’re done with Her Majesty I’ll take her to her bedquarters.
Ricky: Listen, don’t try to escape. That carries the death penalty.
Cameron: What am I accused of?
Ricky: High treason.
Cameron: What’s the penalty for high treason?
Ricky: The death OH HO HO I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE
Nerissa: GREAT WORK EVERYBODY
Nerissa: This is not a hotel.
Brooke: Then why are you dressed like a hooker?
Nerissa: For REASONS OF MY OWN.
Rosemarie: I don’t know if I want to tell my story, it won’t look as good in black and white as theirs did.
Brooke: If you don’t tell me what you did I’ll make up something embarrassing.
Rosemarie: Somebody ran under my car.
Rosemarie: That’s how I choose to remember it, anyway.
Rosemarie: Oh shit, I forgot it was two people.
Rosemarie: I’m so screwed.
Emmy: Pleased to meet you!
Nerissa: Now I’ll get you a bag. You’re taking that with you.
Rosemarie: WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE
Emmy: I EAT HEALTHY
Thinking about what YOU did, huh?
Vicki: Since it’s apparently SimNational Regret Day, yeah.
Chelsea: Like I’m the only person who murdered someone at university.
Yeah, she did have nice tits, didn’t she?
I’m not looking up a link for you.
I don’t even know what you’re doing.
At least somebody’s got the right idea.
Chelsea: Actually I could really go for a hamburger right now.
Nawwaf: Stop exercising, dammit, you’re making me feel guilty and COPS CAN’T BE GUILTY
Ally: I dedicate this workout to Nawwaf!
Chelsea: Black Angus beef this ain’t.
Vicki: Hey, at least it’s fast and convenient! Leaves us lots of time to do all the NOTHING we have to do in here!
Nerissa: Alright, shift change! Go home! Put your dick back in your pants!
Nawwaf: We’ll call that tonight’s goal!
Nawwaf: Hey baby! If I told you my dick was out, would you let me put it in you?
Hey, hold up. Do you remember that Rosemarie ran over two people?
Stewart: People? Well. I don’t really think townies count.
Emmy: Hey, thanks.
Stewart: HEY COP LADY! Why does this feel so familiar. HEY COPY LADY HEY
Stewart: There should be a megaphone out here or something.
Or maybe a pneumatic tube!
Nerissa: I know just where to put it!
Annie: I have a weird and funny question. Haha!
Annie: Did you… do we… did they make you take any TESTS? To become a cop? It’s just that I heard… I mean…
Aurora: …of course I took tests. There was a whole curriculum.
Annie: Right! Right.
Aurora: …which of course YOU took, right?
Annie: Oh just so absolutely definitely! Yes! Just… making sure you did. Haha.
IS THAT YOUR HOTTIE SIGNAL
Stewart: I AM PREPARED TO PURCHASE ROSEMARIE’S FREEDOM
Nerissa: HAHAHA ARE YOU PROPOSITIONING ME SIR
Stewart: What? Ew! No, of course not!
Nerissa: WELL YOU SHOULD BE
Nerissa: I’m cold, Mr. Murphy. COMFORT ME.
Stewart: Yeah, I was kinda hoping to just retrieve my existing fucked-up friend.
Stewart: And anyway don’t you have a husband?
Nerissa: Like THAT means anything.
Nerissa: I think he bought a fake ring anyway.
Nerissa: Of course if he catches us you’ll have to defeat him in single combat!
Stewart: With the chief of police! Awesome.
Nerissa: I’M A CHIEF OF POLICE TOO DAMMIT
Nerissa: Fucked you up, asshole!
“Portraits in Defecation” series, items 1-2.
Vicki: Before you ask, NO.
Rosemarie: …Stewart? You out here somewhere?
Stewart: Please save me from the bad lady.
Rosemarie: Mmm… Stewart…
Stewart: Mmm… Rosemarie…
Rosemarie: I killed two people, not one.
Stewart: The other one was a foreigner, that’s basically a freebie.
Nerissa: ‘night Nick. Don’t eat anybody outside the building.
Stewart: WALK FASTER WALK FASTER
Ricky: Explain to me why the manslaughterer gets to go home early and WE’RE stuck in JAIL.
Annie: Well, we do get paid for thi-
Ricky: EXACTLY NO REASON
Vicki: I could be mistaken, ‘cuz I missed the whole “apocalypse” thing, but… is that man out there a ZOMBIE?
Can you think of a better night watchman?
Ricky: Better get the Tish stretcher, Annie.
So you’re the night chief, huh.
Nicholas: For some reason folks aren’t comfortable hanging around me in the daytime.
Sure is dead around here at night.
Nicholas: Don’t be racist.
Had that tucked under your brassiere, did you?
You would be SUPER hot if you weren’t half Barbie Doll.
Chelsea: Don’t be racist.
So you still sleep in your superhero costume, do you?
Cameron: If it’s comfortable at crush depth, it’s comfortable enough for bed.
So hey, how’s it feel to have two of your kids in jail?
Ember: Hey, how’s it feel to be overweight and tired?
I’m used to it, honestly.
She’s dreaming about Chapter Eight.
And now she’s dreaming about Chapter 370!
You haven’t read that one yet?
Tish: Oh, tish.
Tish: It’s night shift already, boss? Wow! Got anything to eat around here?
Nicholas: You know it.
Tish: You’re smiling but I don’t feel comforted.
Tish: You like my vest, is that it? Yeah, it’s pretty cool huh.
Tish: This is less cool.
Tish: I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS IS AGAINST REGULATIONS
Tish: Or that you haven’t got a hope in fuck of ganking a SWAT officer.
Nick: OWWWW MY BRAAIIIIIIINNNNSSSSS
Tish: Let me help you with that.
Tish: Looks like I wasn’t late to the zombie-killing party after all!
Nick: IF THIS IS A PARTY YOU WEREN’T INVITED
Nick: OW INVISIBLE BULLETS
Nick: I AM INVISIBLY WOUNDED!
Nick: Time… to invisibly… die.
Uh-oh, look who thinks he’s getting artsy again…
Tish: I am going to write a scathing Google review of this place.
Jeez. There’s some shit you just can’t come back from.
OR CAN YOU.
Next time: THE LAST TIME.
Lord I hope so.