Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!
I’m out of order? YOU’RE OUT OF ORDER!
Seriously though, here’s 185.
There’s the dressed Sharpe man every girl’s crazy for.
Victor: I’m almost sure I heard something just now. Just as my hand broke.
WEDNESDAY: And then he did me on the car!
Chelsea: Back in my day, we only had the default doings!
FRIDAY: What malignant influence so scars this pristine white landscape?
FRIDAY: Oh, it’s a douchenozzle.
FRIDAY: I DON’T WANT NO NON-ROBOTS STEALIN’ MY ROBOT WIMMIN!
William: Your old-world bigotry is no match for true love!
William: And also I could totally take you.
William: Go find a retrovirus to incubate while free-ranging, you designed by Abigail Young thing.
FRIDAY: I totally forgot our names stood for stuff.
William: Stop saying things that aren’t cool things.
WEDNESDAY: Is that a disguise women wear to ward off unwanted suitors?
And then Neila took her tiny Victor doll upstairs with her.
Now you see it too.
WEDNESDAY: So William helped me break up my marriage.
WEDNESDAY: WILLIAM: 1, EVERYONE ELSE: NOTHING
Chelsea: He’s a real magician in the sack, though, wouldn’t you say?
WEDNESDAY: Yes. Settled lives go into the sack, ruined ones come out.
Chelsea: You must not have used enough lube.
WEDNESDAY: You’re appalling.
So is that haircut.
WHY DO I KEEP USING THAT HAIRCUT.
William: WHO IS THIS EVEN I DON’T CARE
William: Yeah, let’s talk about random townie hotness, random townie stalker.
William: Look, whatever you’re selling, I’m not buying. Unless you’re hot, and it’s sex. In which case I will buy it from you with better sex.
Chelsea: He’s a remarkably consistent character.
Neila: IMPENDING DISASTER!
And then WEDNESDAY confronted a ten-foot-tall Neila.
Now you see it too.
William is a Fortune/Chelsea Sim.
William: And I only want the money so I can afford more Chelsea.
Victor: Oh, like anything can offend you.
Victor: You harlot.
WEDNESDAY: Now young sir, it’s inappropriate to judge people by their sexual indiscretion.
Victor: That’s the only thing anyone does around here, though!
Victor: And I so badly need to judge them.
Victor: Will you show me how to-
WEDNESDAY: -get sent to jail? No, I most certainly will not.
Victor: Not even if I take you out for a nice tune-up and a bottle of WD40?
WEDNESDAY: Ask me again in ten years.
Neila: I can feel the bad radiating off my hair.
Neila: HEY UGLY, UGLY MEETING UPSTAIRS
Victor: Gotta go, my ugly sister needs me!
I think their house needs a framed picture of Chelsea playing pool in it, in it.
Victor: Um, hey? Neila?
Neila: Quiet, I’m waiting for someone.
Neila: Oh. Okay, okay. So you know that butler? Mayhew?!
Neila: And this is why I play with myself.
It’s why most girls do, honestly.
Wait, that doesn’t mean what it sounds like it means.
FRIDAY: This does.
Chelsea: I’m so happy to be a part of this dysfunctional family!
WEDNESDAY: We’re family divorcing you.
WEDNESDAY: WE’RE A REALLY JERKY FAMILY
Life before cellphones.
Wanna do that on your OWN bed?
Victor: Hell no! She got the real good shocks installed in this one!
Neila: I can’t even touch this hideous crap.
And then Neila inflated a stack of phonebooks to enormous proportions.
Now you see it too.
Okay, so… you’re looking up someone in the phonebook. From a distance.
Neila: I’m farsighted.
Neila: I know who can help us!
Victor: We’ve only got two beds, Neila. I think we’ve got them covered.
Neila: I mean, help us with our other problem.
Neila: That evil butler was my first choice, but apparently he doesn’t practice proper stair safety.
Victor: Just so we’re clear, you’re not hiring anyone to jump on my bed, right?
WEDNESDAY: Where are you off to in such a hurry?
Neila: Nowhere suspicious!
WEDNESDAY: Hm. That’s suspicious.
I can’t believe you look like you look like when you grow up when you grow up.
Neila: I can see why that would be difficult.
Neila: Hi, Mr. Murphy. You dated my mom once, right?
Neila: Haha yeah, she told us how she kicked your ass.
Neila: Okay, okay, that’s the boring science stuff behind it. Just tell me what actual normal-person things I need to do to make this work.
Neila: Because they totally threw her under the bus, that’s why!
Neila: I agree, that’s an awfully overused metaphor.
Neila: No, I don’t think I have the time to become a cult leader. Let’s call that “Plan Z.”
Neila: No! “Z” because it’s the last plan! Not because of zombies. Why is everything zombies with you Generation 2 people?!
Neila: Ohhhh, now you’re talkin’!
…what is that.
William: Got a promotion!
…YOU’RE ALREADY THE HEAD OF THE SCIA. THERE ARE NO MORE PROMOTIONS.
William: Guess I’m the Governor now, then?
If I see you looking at eyepatches I’m gonna kill you.
Neila: Please don’t tell anyone about this. I’m sure no innocents will suffer from it.
Victor: Did you do whatever boring thing you were doing?
Neila: Go back to bedjumping, Victor.
Victor: Me an’ Neila are scheming!
William: Daddy’s little clones!
Victor: Mommy’s too.
Victor: Help I’m blind
William: I appreciate the welcome, but you’re about to freeze to death.
Victor: You can bring me back, then! And mommy too while you’re at it.
FRIDAY: Have you considered trading places with her?
William: Yeah, look. I think you need better security at the courthouse. Yes. Because you’re gonna try terrorists there. Yeah.
William: Sexy terrorists, too, so make sure you hire the eunuchiest guards you can find.
William: It’s about time this mess got settled. Put the zombie sympathisers and Knowledge Sims on an ice floe, that sort of thing.
William: No, I mean it. Name me one Knowledge Sim who isn’t at least forty percent evil.
William: If things don’t improve in two weeks top, I volunteer to be the first of the Fortune Sim purge.
William: YES I’m kidding. God. I’m the Governor now, remember? Can’t do anything that might upset my re-election prospects.
William: Yes I’m serious! They promoted me today! Which is apparently how that works! Yeah, anyway.
William: We’ve got some cleaning up to do.
How’s it feel to be the Governor’s daughter?
Neila: I’ve seen The Walking Dead. It doesn’t end well for her.
In fairness, it doesn’t end well for anybody.
Much like this story.
Maybe lay down some traps, too.
William: Hey Andrew. Why did someone call you from this number?
Andrew: Is that a really complex way of saying you don’t know why you called me?
William: What happened to us, Andrew? We used to be such good buddies, and now I’m amazing and you’re Andrew.
Andrew: I really enjoy our lack of conversations.
William: Remember that time I kicked your ass? Haha. Anyway I’m the Governor now. Pretty awesome.
William: I dunno about all the complimentary whores they keep sending me, though.
William: They could at least find some new ones.
WEDNESDAY: #5 is the new #1!
WEDNESDAY: We’re all gonna die.
William: Yup! We’re all gonna die! I told them to install bomb detectors, but they opted for, and I quote, “stricter signage.”
William: So hey, how’s your wife I fucked? She’s probably going to jail soon.
William: Wow. I’ll just leave you down here to get that out of your system.
William: Don’t start with me, roboho.
William: Gonna make you a robohobo.
Holy shit. This can’t be happening.
William: I mandate that it can be!
William: You’ve been good to me, sexyshades, but people don’t trust a politician when they can’t see their eyes.
William: I’m gonna assume that’s why, anyway.
William: Who wouldn’t trust this face?
Anyone who knows who it belongs to.
Meanwhile, Melanie? I think?
Have some Daisies.
I mean, daisies.
Got caught up in the irony.
Shiloh: I don’t wanna grow up.
Luckily you never do.
William: I’m so important, even cold can’t get hold of me.
William: See this, honey? This means you’re dead and less awesome than me.
Ohh. It’s Sunny. Those are sunflowers.
William: WHY WOULD I BURY MELANIE IN MY BACKYARD I’M NOT SUICIDAL
William: Seriously though, why, Sunny? Why must you always die?
‘cuz you keep killing her?
William: WHY MUST I BE SO AMAZING
William: Oh well. She was kinda dull anyway.
William: AND I MISS THAT
William: Everyone around here is fucking nuts and they’re all fucking evil and I don’t think it’s gonna stop until I give them all a bullet bath.
William: I DON’T WANNA MARK TIME UNTIL A DRAMATIC SHOWDOWN!
William: AND ALSO WHATEVER THIS WAS ABOUT
William: On the other hand, maybe that was the last gasp of the zombie problem! Maybe everything’s going back to normal now, like it was for more than a hundred chapters!
God no. Anything but that.
William: I’m gonna make you a friend, Sunny.
William: He’ll eventually melt into you. How ’bout that?
William: I’d call him “Jack Frost” but I’d be afraid of getting the bad one.
William: Which is the Michael Keaton one, not the awesome serial killer one.
Snowy Ramone: -is bitchin’-
William: You two kids play nice.
William: This spy needs to come in from the cold.
William: Hey Daisy. C’mon, say it.
William: SAY IT.
Daisy: Hi I’m Daisy.
William: Man, I think she froze the receiver with that frostiness.
William: CONNECT THE DOTS HERE WEDNESDAY
William: Mmm. I love the smell of servitude in the evening.
Daisy: Smells like slavery.
Daisy: SO YEAH FUCK THAT MELANIE BITCH RIGHT
William: These are victory omelettes. Because I killed a bunch of zombies. And some other people. But we’re gonna blame them on the zombies too.
Daisy: Being dead really fucks up your appetite, you know?
Victor: A WHOLE NEW WORLD
Daisy: What the fuck are you wearing, dude? Did you win first prize in a booty contest or something?
William: And yes.
William: But in other news, I own everything now.
Daisy: I DIDN’T VOTE FOR YOU
Daisy: I didn’t think this state had a governor.
William: That’s probably why they were too embarassed to hold an election.
William: We’d have to give the entire thing back to the SimBritish if they found out!
William: Hey, you know Randy?
William: Good, he’s lame.
Just… pretend I typed out the Simlish.
I’m gonna need a mod to ban this interaction.
I HAVE NO MORE JOKES FOR THIS
William: OW AN ANVIL ON MY FOOT
Where could that have come from?!
Daisy: All hail Grugly, the Looniest of Toons!
William: Long may my foot throb!
William: YOU PUT A HOLE IN MY CEILING YOU JERK GOD
And then they both drowned.
Tada! The end! OF CHEERS
William: My life is gonna end badly.
Daisy: Then you’d better pack some goodly in there to balance it out!
William: Do you hurt me like that just so I know I’m still alive?
Daisy: Baby, I hurt you because it makes me feel alive.
Daisy: What the fuck is that.
Daisy: No, seriously.
William: My dad took it.
Daisy: Who’d he take it from?
Daisy: What’s the other one of?
William: Mom driving to work while she’s pregnant with me.
Daisy: Kinda sums up ouwouou your entire family, doesn’t it?
William: I’d ask what you almost said there, but this ass is already begging for my attention.
Daisy: It’s doing that on my libido’s behalf.
Daisy: Wow, this is some high-quality material!
William: Only the best on the taxpayer’s dime!
Daisy: Corrupt me, Mr. Governor.
William: I was thinking I’d pork your barrel, actually.
William: If that sounded like anal I didn’t mean anal.
Daisy: That is one attractive clarification.
Daisy: I keep thinking I must have imagined this thing.
William: Nobody could imagine something so ridiculous.
Daisy: Remove my tonsils while you’re in there.
Translated from the dickmouth.
Daisy: Why is your hand up there?
William: So I can warn you if there’s sudden pressure on the back of your skull.
Daisy: Your penis needs a warning label.
Daisy: Hey, watch it. I’ve got mad dickmouth going.
Daisy: And now you do too.
Daisy: Girls must love dating you.
That Schrödinger’s Cat is still in the box.
William: Pussy joke!
Double pussy joke!
Daisy: I’m relieved you put no effort into it.
William: Wow, this skintone sure is familiar!
Daisy: From your dreams, I’m sure.
William: MAN, you’ve got muscles! What’s your routine?
Daisy: It’s all in the wrist.
William: I don’t get it.
Daisy: Good for you.
Daisy: Good for all of us, really.
Daisy: Am I boring you?
William: For a moment I thought you were the only person in this neighbourhood without a dark and mysterious past, and it was so hot and novel.
Daisy: We can pretend I’m boring if that’s what interests you.
William: You seem preoccupied.
Daisy: I’m thinking about your ex-wife, on fire.
William: In hell?
Daisy: No. In my house. On fire.
William: Can I watch?
Daisy: Do you want to watch this?
William: Is it mine?
William: Why does that bother me so much?
Daisy: He’s gonna have really uncomplicated genetics, I can tell you that much.
William: What does that mean?
Daisy: Aren’t you wondering why I assume he’s a he?
William: No, I know Captain Sparkles is set to “male first” mode.
Daisy: We’re gonna be parents, William!
William: I’m already a parent!
Daisy: We can throw them out and start over now, though!
William: Let’s give them at least another year to prove their worth.
Daisy: As long as we’re doing this all year, I’m in.
William: I am also in.
Don’t get so excited, guys.
Daisy: Trust me, the vagina is grinning ear to ear.
…I trust you.
Daisy: Oh MAN I’m so hot the perspiration is forming clouds!
William: Daisy, I’ve never felt so connected to someone before!
Daisy: It’s so sad you’ll never know why!
William: Will you tell me if I give you a backrub?
Daisy: I won’t tell you if you don’t, that’s for sure!
Daisy: Phew! That was great!
William: Good enough for some sweet sweet revelation action?
Daisy: Tell you what, I’ll whisper it into Captain Sparkles.
William: My woman, the dick whisperer.
William: Speaking of your my-womanness…
William: Daisy White, you are the least trustworthy and most suspicious woman I know.
Daisy: I’ve worked really hard to make you see that.
Daisy: Before you open that, I should mention that I’m an expert carat-counter and I know your net worth to the ha’penny.
William: Will you do me the honour of becoming Mrs. Sharpe?
Daisy: I really feel like I’ve earned it.
Daisy: Ohmigosh! You did the math right!
Daisy: No more Whites.
A perfect world.
Daisy: I win.
William: We both win!
Daisy: Nope, just me.
Daisy: The rest of you are losers.
William: Welcome to the Sharpe family, Daisy.
Daisy: It means a lot to me.
William: Why is your voice different?
Daisy: It’s the heady rush of victory.
Yeah, you’re not married yet.
Daisy: He won’t leave me at the altar. Not when I’ve got a ring worth more than Paraguay on my hand.
William: It was a tough decision, selling Paraguay to get that ring.
Daisy: And yet he had no problem selling his soul by giving it to me.
Daisy: Assuming he and his penis don’t have separate ones.
Anthony: Somebody spilled all the baby powder.
Victor: Who dat sweet ass?
Daisy: Ask again when you’re older.
Irfan: Can… can I… come in?!
Anthony: I will shoot you.
Irfan: MIGHT BE WORTH IT
William: HAHA POOR FOLK FREEZIN’
Anthony: I KNOW RIGHT
William: At least you service flunkies get to suckle on my precious furnace teat once a day!
Anthony: I feel dirty now!
Daisy: I’m gonna feel dirty forever.
Daisy: Cue transition.
WEDNESDAY: GET OUT OF MY HEAD TALKING FACES!
Victor: I am really impatient for puberty to kick in.
Victor: Welcome to the family, new mommy! Old mommy’s gonna getcha.
Victor: In the ass.
Anthony: Hello miss YAAAAAGH HELLO MR. VICTOR INSTEAD
Neila: Make him do that again tomorrow!
Daisy: Count on it!
Daisy: Off to save the world, Mr. Governor?
William: I’m out of the world-saving business now, honey. From now on it’s strictly bribes and floozies.
Daisy: Yeah, you’ve got a whole lifetime of fun ahead of you now, Billy.
Next time: well, that depends. If this update is new, then you should be reading Chapter 187 next, because you’ve already read 186. If it’s old, I’ve probably arranged them properly, so you should read 186 next!
And now I’m too tired to look up what happens in either of them.