Welcome to the Clover County Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week!
Nudity nudity nudity.
Last time in the Clover County Chronicles…
One nude image for every week of the fucking year.
It’s slobberin’ time.
Kendra: No, there is no “family rate,” Michael, because one: we’re not married anymore, and two: this is a whorehouse. “Family rate” is a terrible whorehouse term.
Rosemarie: Sure am glad to be here.
Do you actually do any whoring?
Emily: I’ve whored once! And this is my house! It all works out.
Kendra: OF COURSE THERE’S NO SINGLES DISCOUNT. ALL OUR CUSTOMERS SHOULD BE SINGLE, MICHAEL.
Rosemarie: These whore clothes are no good. I need new whore clothes.
Irfan: I’m the MAYOR.
Irfan: I just don’t want there to be any ambiguity.
Heath: …didn’t you die?
Irfan: NO COMMENT.
Brady: Are you honestly going to wear this?
Rosemarie: What’s his problem?
He’d have to be.
Brooke: I think I’m going gay a little bit.
Rosemarie: Well hello there.
William: I’m afraid to look directly at you.
Rosemarie: Some of us offer a heroes discount. Just sayin’.
William: Say more.
William: Actually, never mind. I think I need to pay full price for this.
Rosemarie: You know where to find me.
William: Why would I know where the whorehouse is? I never need to pay for sex.
Rosemarie: You do when you need to have all of the sex.
Emmy: Excuse me, can-
Irfan: I’M THE MAYOR
William: He’s not wrong.
But he is dead.
You play one little household out of order…
Ricky Jalowitz: I think you need to come down to the station with me. For a strip search.
Cheryl: What is there even to strip.
Rosemarie: They have our card at the station.
William: See that chick?
William: Gave her one.
Cameron: Well now! Here’s a sexy man! And William.
Rosemarie: Redhead power!
Lainey: Redheads forever!
Brooke: Redheads in the background?
Rosemarie: Hi Sharlene!
Rosemarie: Are you The Unsavoury Charlatan’s wife?
Sharlene: Let’s leave it ambiguous!
Mrs. Crumplebottom: -can’t even breathe-
Rosemarie: And my new job is MONEY
Emily: Hey, you must be the new girl. I’m Emily.
Rosemarie: I’M MONEY
Kendra: Rosemarie show up yet?
Emily: Rosemarie is dead.
Kendra: If you’re making food there, you will also be dead.
Emily: Now you tell me.
And then Kendra threw Emily in the trash.
Emily: I got better.
Emily: That really strained my forearm. Worker’s comp!
Rosemarie: Hey boss! How’s tricks?
Kendra: Trix is for kids. Men prefer fuckin’.
Kendra: What’s the fuckin’ holdup, Anthony?
Anthony: Grumble mumble cattle rustlers
Rosemarie: This is not the classy whorehouse I expected.
Emily: The classy ones aren’t called whorehouses.
Richard: Mo hos!
Rosemarie: I have chosen you as my first ever customer. Do or say anything at all to accept.
Rosemarie: He froze.
Kendra: Get on with it already.
Anthony: I’ll come back up and you can try that again.
Rosemarie: Well hello there!
Cory: I’m very impressed!
Rosemarie: We can’t all be ugly, whatever Hollywood thinks.
Richard: -is doomed-
Kendra: Did I tell you about the Chief of Police?
Kendra: He got beat up!
Anthony: I have heard this multiple times.
Kendra: One of our Johns did it!
Anthony: I can’t believe you’re repeating this.
Kendra: Don’t fucking interrupt me.
Cory: Nice digs.
Rosemarie: I used my university money on it.
Cory: Suddenly your digs are depressing me.
Rosemarie: I’ve got an antidepressant all lined up for you.
FORGOT MY PILL TODAY
Anthony: They said it was fast-acting!
At least I don’t take that pill.
Cory: Even if I had to, with this chick, I wouldn’t have to.
Rosemarie: What’re you hiding under there?
Cory: I’m hiding it for good reason! So as not to destroy the self-esteem of every other man alive.
Rosemarie: You sound like kind of a douchebag.
Kendra: Stop friending so loud.
Anthony: Giddy up!
Kendra: Not horse! Whores.
Rosemarie: WOW you’re tense. What are you, a secret agent or something?
Cory: Not something!
Rosemarie: Fada soola gor!
Cory: You were a cheerleader?!
Rosemarie: Fada soola bron!
Cory: They let just anyone yell their cheers, then?
Rosemarie: They’re not native american spirit dances, dude.
Cory: The surprise abridged edition! I love it.
Love is in the air, apparently.
Kendra: As long as it’s not in me.
Anthony: Speaking of in you…
Rosemarie: You’re quite the dancer, Mr. Huffman.
Cory: Only in my secret identity. When I’m on a mission I’m a total flatfoot.
Rosemarie: So you are a secret agent!
Cory: Somebody will probably fold you into a refrigerator, now that you know.
Rosemarie: Better than an oven, I say.
Rosemarie: What? If you have to choose, I mean…
Rosemarie: Dudes love the crazy.
Rosemarie: Careful! Don’t cut yourself on that razor-sharp ass.
Rosemarie: I don’t want to catch HIV on my first day.
Cory: You’re just a wellspring of romance, aren’t you.
Rosemarie: My boss calls it fuckin’.
Rosemarie: And she knows her stuff.
Most of the neighbourhood knows her stuff, too.
Rosemarie: I WANNA BE JUST LIKE HER
Cory: Let’s get on you, then!
Rosemarie: Good one.
Cory: The mirrors are a nice touch.
Rosemarie: Nah, pretty skanky.
Cory: Has anyone ever told you you’re the hottest thing ever?
Rosemarie: During sex? Hell yes!
Cory: Say the word and I’ll take you away from all this.
Rosemarie: From the sex, you mean? No, it’s going alright, thanks.
Anthony: I’M BEATING YOU, PACEMAKER
Cory: Hearing an old man scream “SHIIIIIIIT” isn’t quite the aphrodesiac you’d think it would be.
Anthony: Ruining other people’s sex is almost as good as sex itself!
Kendra: If he doesn’t tip her I’m charging you extra, buddy.
Rosemarie: The fuck you doing.
Cory: Kissing you?
Rosemarie: We on a date now? Sippin’ floats at the icecream parlour? Dork.
Rosemarie: Cute dork, though.
Rosemarie: Aw, c’mon, be nice.
Rosemarie: Well THAT was amazing.
Cory: Yeah, I bet it was.
Cory: I almost envy you.
Rosemarie: You’ve got an ego to match William Sharpe’s.
Cory: And it’s only hearsay that I don’t match him in other respects, too.
Rosemarie: I’ll let you know.
Rosemarie: IF HE EVER RETURNS MY CALLS
Cory: I’ll ask him. At work.
Rosemarie: Mmm, would you do that for GODDAMN YOU STEWART TO HELL
Cory: DON’T YELL IN MY MOUTH
Cory: It’s too awesome.
Rosemarie: Thank you, please come again.
Rosemarie: LAUGH AT THE JOKE
Cory: Nah, I don’t wanna humanize you too much.
Rosemarie: GAH MEN
Kendra: More like “GAG MEN”!
Anthony: You’d better not.
Kendra: No worries. I’ve handled much bigger.
Anthony: This is why nobody wants whores that talk.
Whores whores whores.
This update written by Frank Miller.
And Nora Roberts, apparently.
Anthony: You’re cute.
Kendra: You’re old. Go home.
Kendra: If you’re interested in someone more your speed, I could introduce you to Emily.
Anthony: Why, is she old too?
Kendra: No, but she doesn’t do shit so you’d find her very relaxing.
Emily: Today I’m practicing my caresses on this railing.
Rosemarie: I’m glad I took this job, I’d feel horrible guilty for hogging this bod.
Honestly, if it only cost a dozen roses, I’d go for that shit myself.
Kendra: This is Emily. Emily, this is Anthony. He’s naked because duh.
Emily: Pleased to meet you, shitfucker.
Anthony: Pardon? Pard?
Emily: HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON ME
Kendra: WHAT ARE YOU EVEN
Anthony: This is your idea of “relaxing”?
Anthony: I might just have to try all of you!
Rosemarie: Ew! No! Bye!
Anthony: You’ve got a real nice thing going here.
Kendra: We’re exploiting you for sex! It’s terrible, really.
Anthony: …I honestly didn’t expect that.
Kendra: I like to keep my customers guessing.
Rosemarie: Is that why you’re doing whatever you’re doing down there?
Rosemarie: Was that dancing?
Kendra: Most would judge it not to be.
UUUUUGH NOT THAT AGAIN
Fleshdress has GOT to go.
You know, you are allowed to tip.
Anthony: I tried to tip once, didn’t like how it felt.
Cory: Tip shmip. I go for the whole iceberg, baby.
And now there’s §4000 on the sidewalk.
And even more than that in the bathroom.
Rosemarie: Why do you always sit in the corner like this, kid?
Sometimes even that can’t save him.
Rosemarie: He’ll appreciate it when he’s older.
Kendra: Just like my endless digging!
Yeah, all those dog bones and garden gnomes are gonna make a pret-ty nice nest egg! He might even have enough to buy a real egg with it.
Anthony: I’m helping!
Emily: That is the bare minimum of helping.
Anthony: It’s the Simerican Way!
Kendra: I should just bury him.
Or drown him.
I’m sure there was a logical segue in there somewhere, lost to posterity.
Rosemarie: Mmm, the warm smell of jizz. You never see prostitutes buying air fresheners on TV.
Kendra: Man, what a stupid whore.
Kendra: I’m sorry, I forgot how offensive stupid can be.
Be more considerate next time.
Kendra: When I said “feed the baby” I meant with a bottle.
Rosemarie: No wonder he’s suicidal.
Have a good day not prostituting, you notstitute?
Rosemarie: THREE PANCAKES AT ONCE. BAM.
Kendra: Learn to walk! And before you hit my vagina, learn to stop.
Emily: I’m surprised you don’t skip our updates.
Most readers do.
Emily: HEY LOVEFACE
Emily: Have a HATEFACE.
Emily: It’s too early for whatever this is.
Rosemarie: Gah! I’m a hypocrite!
Rosemarie: Actually gonna do your job today?
Emily: Don’t get sassy, rookie.
Rosemarie: You’ve been here for one day longer than me.
Emily: And some day, if you try really hard, you may one day approach my level of experience.
Emily: COME PLAY SEXY STUFF WITH ME
Emily: WE CAN DO THE THING
Rosemarie: Maybe he has a retard fetish.
Rosemarie: Hey, is this the SCIA? Can I speak to the Director? No? How about his penis, then? Oh.
Kendra: Everyone knows his penis has more than one extension.
No children to molest here, buddy.
Richard’s already all adult, poor guy.
Emily: That’s my client.
Really? ‘cuz he looks kinda rapey.
Emily: I’m doing good works, then!
Andrzej: Oh my. It is too late to be changing my choice?
Emily: I’m wondering the same thing, actually.
Emily: What are you dressed as?
Coy: Your biggest fan!
Rosemarie: Come in! Me. Hee hee!
Andrzej: Andrzej will be having two in the stink, please.
Coy: Did that guy just-
Emily: NOBODY WANTS IT REPEATED.
Rosemarie: You may watch me read while you masturbate.
Andrzej: In my country, strong women are eaten for Thanksgiving.
Rosemarie: In my country we have Thanksgiving to remind ourselves how lucky we are to not be in your country.
Kendra: Please let this end.
Richard: Yes. Grant us sweet, merciful release.
Next time: Penny’s new year’s resolutions.