The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 558

Click Here for Previous Entries!

In which it’s fine, I’m only a week behind still.

Theresa: Get a life.

Theresa: Get it?

Yeah.

Chris: Want it?
Corey: Yeah.

Jizelle: Zsmell eet?

Corey: So, did Brandi mention me? And how hot I am?

Corey: And how hot I am?
Jizelle: Jizelle eez alzo ‘ot.

Vanesa: Do you remember your first time?
Corey: Probably, but… not as such?

Jizelle: Eetz bronounzed “zuch.”

Jizelle: Oup!

Corey: Baby, you make my heart pound like a tired fake French woman slipping on a snowy sidewalk!

Chris: I’m slowly committing suicide!

You’re not the only one.

Corey: I wonder if we should do something about them.
Chris: What, you mean to speed it up or something?

Vanesa: You’ll catch your death out here!
Chris: We don’t catch death, Vanesa, we throw it.

Chris: That said, I couldn’t feel my fingertips anymore, so.

Vanesa: What are we gonna get up to today?
Chris: 076.jpg!

Chris: I just love metatextual humour.

Chris: I’m metasexual.

Vanesa: So, Brandi says the SCIA is corrupt.
Corey: She would know.

Vanesa: I think we’re all corrupt.
Corey: That does sound like us.

Vanesa: I think maybe we should just ally with the main characters. They’re probably not evil.
Corey: Sure, sure, kick the problem upstairs.

Corey: How come you suggested Andrew instead of William, though?
Vanesa: No sexy reason.

Corey: You think Andrew is SEXY?
Vanesa: Well, I did have sexy with him.

Corey: EW

Corey: Thirty kicky-bag kicks penance. NOW.

Chris: THIS INTERACTION NEVER WORKS PROPERLY

Jizelle: At leazt I pazzed out on ze grazz.

Jizelle: I’d ‘ate to fall down on zomezing ‘ard.

Ocean: I don’t WANT a handjob!

Phoebe: Not in the piss, not in the piss, not in the-

Phoebe: …piss.

Vanesa: Did somebody just die?
Corey: Certainly smells like it.

Vanesa: He could’ve just locked the door.

Why are you mad at Andrew? He resurrected you!

Vanesa: Yeah, that’s definitely one reason alright.

Vanesa: Turns out the guy I met when I was a spy and he was a spy wasn’t telling me the whole truth!
Corey: Inconceivable!

Vanesa: I think that means what he thinks it means.

Jizelle: Ouy are you zpeaking to me?
Vanesa: I dunno, you were there?

Vanesa: I was hoping maybe you’d want to help me get to the bottom of this.
Jizelle: Zat’s eazy. Zere’s only one more zet of ztairs.

Jizelle: Admeetedlay, zai’re a beet glogged at ze moment.

Jill: Glog glog.

Don’t worry, you’re too cute to bin.

Jizelle: Eef we kill Brandee, oui can all get bromozhunz!
Chris: What the FUCK are you saying?!

Jade: Bbbbbb-bbbbbb-bbbbboyyyyyy, Jjjjjjj-jjjjj-jjjjj-Jilllllll! Yyyyyy-yyyyy-yyyyou ssssss-sssss-
The Grim Reaper: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING?!

Chris: Another one?
Vanesa: Yeah, I’m thinking of cutting to down to only a half-moment of silence at this point.

Chris: Still seems excessive.

Vanesa: Maybe we should move?
Jizelle: OUI CAN’T LET ZE DERRORIZTZ VIN!

Vanesa: Got a little German in your French there, Jizzy.

Theresa: Who wants Romanian?

Chris: I’m starting to think this is just one big harem to you.
Corey: Only starting?

Chris: Aaaaand it stops.

Corey: Don’t awkwardly hug-fuck my harem to death!

Vanesa: Can we take turns? We can take turns, right?

Corey: I don’t see why not.

Vanesa: Hey, no hard feelings.
Jizelle: For?
Vanesa: For you bein’ a big ol’ whore.

Theresa: What you whores up to?

Corey: Whorribleness.

Theresa: I feel a title pic coming on.

Vanesa: It can wait.

Unparsable.

Theresa: My nose looks funny.

Theresa: DON’T LET IT FOOL YOU

Corey: I think my brainpan is permanently fooled at this point.

Jizelle: ZEN ZEREZ NO REAZUN NOT TOU GEEP HWACKING EET

Corey: Wow, I think I almost understood that?
Theresa: Yep, that’s brain damage alright.

Vanesa: GOTCHER NOSE

Corey: Broke it, at the very least!

Vanesa: A NOSE FOR A HEART

Theresa: Sorry bro, the heart doesn’t want what the heart doesn’t want.

Corey: Dead people have no hearts.
Theresa: Then I guess I don’t want nothin’.

Vanesa: I still want an explanation about how these easels are structural.

Corey: Oh, they’re not. The schlubs outside are just too emaciated to shift them.

Yusun: Nonsense! We’re plenty well-fed, aren’t we, Jade?

Corey: Aww, she was kinda hot.

Not really.

Next time: uh, the chapters start getting shorter.

Not, like, shorter than this, mind you, but shorter than they were gonna be.

So there’s gonna be like a hundred more of them than there originally was gonna be.

…not tomorrow, mind you.

I don’t type that fast.

…I do type fast, though.

And, you know, a lot.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 8 May 2013.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.