Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
In which “The Dawning of the Age of Aqua” would also have worked as a title pic caption.
Sunny Clark the Witch: Not, like… well, but…
William: WHOSE butt’s not well?
Sunny Clark the Witch: Just get over here.
William: Oh, you havin’ a chapter today?
Sunny Clark the Witch: For a given definition of “today.”
I WAS RECORDING A LECTURE ALRIGHT
Sunny Clark the Witch: You should record lectures better than “alright.”
Sunny Clark the Witch: Seriously though yes, we’re burnin’ camera hours here.
William: That’s one thing money can’t buy.
William: Cauldrons full of boiling red stuff, too.
Sunny Clark the Witch: Yeah, you can only purchase that with your soul.
William: You lost your soul?
Sunny Clark the Witch: It’s okay, everybody who isn’t white gets an extra one at birth.
William: That sure explains a lot.
Sunny Clark the Witch: That was disgusting.
Sunny Clark the Witch: I wish disgust was a deal-breaker for me.
William: You’ve learned to live with the way things are?
Sunny Clark the Witch: When you get to sit around in your underwear, you can live with a lot.
Sunny Clark the Witch: He means “Hear, hear!”
I mean that here, here, I am sitting around in my underwear.
Sunny Clark the Witch: That must be some lecture.
I don’t film my legs, you know.
Sunny Clark the Witch: I’ve seen your Selfsim. You shouldn’t be filming ANY of your parts.
I wouldn’t say I film my PARTS, either.
William: So, this is today’s dialogue, huh?
I’m open to suggestions for alternative topics.
Sunny Clark the Witch: He’s offering us creative control!
William: Something new for our neighbours to hate us for!
Sunny Clark the Witch: We should help him define what the afterlife is like in this setting!
William: What, you mean, by dying?
Sunny Clark the Witch: Hahaha we’re never gonna die.
William: Hahaha definitely not.
Sunny Clark the Witch: But just in case, let’s make the most of today.
William: I’m down for making the most.
Oh look, another good book title.
William: It would have to be an entire book about sex, though.
That’s basically what they’re gonna be anyway.
William: So, anybody download that book you put up for free?
William: How many?
William: Why not?
Because my hosting service is craaaap.
Sunny Clark the Witch: I wonder if I’ll die early in the book series, too.
William: I doubt it. There’s not enough racial diversity in the main cast.
Sunny Clark the Witch: Yeah, all the black characters either died or disappeared, didn’t they?
William: William’s WHAT?
Your mom’s an albino.
Most albinos are black.
Sunny Clark the Witch: At this point I’d like to remind you that your penis is ten inches long.
William: Yeah, but my dad’s was almost that big, and he’s not half-black.
Sunny Clark the Witch: Why do you know how big your dad’s-
William: I’VE READ THE EARLY CHAPTERS OKAY
Sunny Clark the Witch: Poor guy.
William: RICH guy.
William: So rich.
I wish there was a way to write a disgusting kissing onomatopoeia.
Or a kissing onomatopoeia of any sort.
William: What’s it like, typing that word?
It’s like walking through marshland, testing every step, and being very surprised when you don’t drown at the end.
Sunny Clark the Witch: What’s it like, talking to god during sex?
William: I’ve always felt that sex is talking to god.
William: Kiss me, baby, I’m philosophical.
Sunny Clark the Witch: Oh yeah, baby, suck my nose.
William: I’m glad we found each other again.
Sunny Clark the Witch: I’m glad our genitals did, at least.
William: Well. It’s not like Captain Sparkles was exactly starved for company…
Sunny Clark the Witch: Yeah, he doesn’t SEEM to be hungry. He just threw UP.
William: Didn’t mean to do that… in.
Sunny Clark the Witch: Me.
William: Yeah, in that.
Sunny Clark the Witch: We might have a baby now.
William: YOU might have a baby now.
William: I think men take entirely too much credit for that process.
Sunny Clark the Witch: As in, any credit. Yes.
Sunny Clark the Witch: DRIVE THAT DICK-BARF UP INS
Lately my Quotes of the Day seem designed to drive off potential readers.
Then again, judging by how silent most of the readers are, they’re probably mostly coming here for this.
William: Wait, if I’m a porn star…
Sunny Clark the Witch: Why isn’t he getting PAID?!
William: Getting laid is better, honestly.
William: NAKED COSSACK DANCE
William: I’m honestly always surprised to find that my back still bends.
Sunny Clark the Witch: I suspect your exercise regime keeps you limber.
William: Yeah, and I’ve got a fantastic set of workout partners.
William: I should start a gym.
William: Call it “This Gym Sucks.”
William: No, wait! “This Gym FUCKIN’ Sucks.”
William: So hey, while Captain Sparkles was in your mouth, and I briefly couldn’t hear him, I suddenly could hear what the rest of my body was saying, and guess what.
Sunny Clark the Witch: If the rest of your body was talking about grilled cheese sandwiches, you should stick your dick in my mouth more often.
I was planning on making one of these myself, but now I’m mentally associating it with a dick in my mouth.
…”No, I haven’t.“
That’s the answer to the question nobody’s asking.
Another journal motto!
“The Answer to the Question Nobody’s Asking.”
William: Fuck off, nobody.
William: I ain’t learnin’ no names.
William: Down, boy! You can’t have any.
Why aren’t you washing those dishes?
William: I didn’t become rich to wash no dishes.
William: I became rich to pay my girlfriends’ bills, and to use as many double negatives as I don’t not want.
William: Hahaha, call that a bill?
William: The interest from the country mom bought me when I turned ten could pay that bill every day for longer than the neighbourhood files will last.
William: …how ARE the neighbourhood files doing, by the way?
So well that it’s actually Windows 10 which is causing problems.
William: See, this is why digital immortality is nonsense.
Yeah, entropy will always catch up with you.
Sunny Clark the Witch: If ENTROPY is here, can they wait until I’m decent?
William: They should wait until I’m decent, that way we’ll never have to deal with them.
Sunny Clark the Witch: You do know that impregnation doesn’t work sequentially, right?
William: I’m not waiting for sex. I’m waiting for circulation in my old man legs.
Sunny Clark the Witch: I take it all the circulation is in your old man penis right now?
Sunny Clark the Witch: Ha. “Right now.” Yeah.
William: My penis is forever young, I’ll have you know.
Sunny Clark the Witch: Um, yeah? I do know.
Sunny Clark the Witch: But I think I’ll immortalize it anyway.
William: You know, I still wonder why mom gave me “Stephen” as a middle name.
Maybe she was symbolically making you the new main character.
Sunny Clark the Witch: Maybe she was fucking Stephen.
William: Please. Mom wouldn’t’ve fucked Stephen if a money wizard had turned him into a sentient pile of cash.
That would’ve been better than what actually happened to him.
William: And there are worse things to be turned into.
I don’t want my face associated with your erection, thanks so much.
Sunny Clark the Witch: Why not? MY face was associated with his erection.
Sunny Clark the Witch: Just a sec, my spine is vibrating.
Sunny Clark the Witch: Probably a delayed reaction from the dickfucking.
Sunny Clark the Witch: Or the dicksucking.
Sunny Clark the Witch: Or the suck sucking.
William: Don’t call me a suck.
Sunny Clark the Witch: Don’t call me for a suck.
Sunny Clark the Witch: DON’T CALL ME AT ALL
SIC SEMPER TELEPHONOS
Left on the toilet: the fate of all electronics.
Sunny Clark the Witch: And all Elvises.
Sunny Clark the Witch: We’ve made that joke before.
Not in the same words, though.
After five hundred chapters, paraphrasing is the best we can hope for sometimes.
Sunny Clark the Witch: You’ve got a lot of nerve, sending someone to work when you’re sitting at home in your underwear.
I’m working from home!
Sunny Clark the Witch: You’re talking to your phone, and posting that to the INTERNET, and getting PAID for it.
Sunny Clark the Witch: I REJECT THEE, CARPOOL
Sunny Clark the Witch: AND THEE, STOMACH CONTENTS!
Now is the discontent of our stomachs.
Sunny Clark the Witch: I can’t barf AGAIN in response to that, but I WANT to.
Sunny Clark the Witch: Sometimes there just isn’t enough barf.
Sunny Clark the Witch: Thank you for coming to my lecture.
Thank you for lecturing to my coming!
Sunny Clark the Witch: You’d better NOT have been coming.
Next time: never fight a burning gypsy.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 21 February 2013.