Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
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In which THERE ARE NO CROPPED PICS.
I had to work for it, too, which makes it all the sweeter!
Shiloh Newcastle the Mean Witch: I get it! You need to be the change you want to see in the world!
Boo Bradley: .oO(I don’t want to be changed.)
Shiloh Newcastle the Mean Witch: Step side, Boo! I’m destroying Lance’s stuff, and I won’t let you sit in my way!
Shiloh Newcastle the Mean Witch: This is your final chance to turn out to be alive!
Boo Bradley: .oO(Get stuffed.)
Shiloh Newcastle the Mean Witch: I hope you bear me no ill will.
Shiloh Newcastle the Mean Witch: Bearwell.
Boo Bradley: .oO(Luckily I had the magic of perspective on my side!)
Boo Bradley: .oO(IT IS AN INCONSTANT ALLY)
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Apparently one teleport is a lot more not-mean than one fireball is mean.
Boo Bradley: It was a pretty weak fireball.
Alec Prince the Damned: Who’s weak? Lemme at ’em!
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Sure do love having to do this again every few hours!
Hesitating?
Alec Prince the Damned: These chicks keep kicking my ass.
I’m sure it’ll be fine.
Alec Prince the Damned: My ass?
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Your ass isn’t gonna be fine, it’s gonna be mine.
Alec Prince the Damned: My ass is gonna be your ass?
Alec Prince the Damned: That doesn’t make any sense.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: HOW ARE YOU CLIMBING SO SLOWLY
Alec Prince the Damned: I think you owe me some gratitude. You’d never have become a witch, if it weren’t for me!
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Hang on, let me go get a cop and you can explain it to them.
Alec Prince the Damned: It would’ve been a crime NOT to transform you!
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: And in a much more not bullshit sense, none of that is true.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: You lying sack of bullshit.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: You made me watch a man melt into a sidewalk. That’s the kind of shit you can’t explain to a psychiatrist!
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: You kidnapped me and took me to a place called the Fortress of Very Dark and Bad.
Alec Prince the Damned: That’s not quite-
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: IT GETS THE POINT ACROSS
Alec Prince the Damned: I taught you magic!
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: YOU STOLE MY MEMORIES
Alec Prince the Damned: I gave you a cool outfit!
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: YOU STOLE MY CLOTHES
Alec Prince the Damned: And I do not regret that.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Anyway I burned all your stuff.
Alec Prince the Damned: Burn all your stuff, you say?
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: All my stuff’s in Deborah’s house. You’d have to go see Deborah to burn it.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Unless you, like, burned Deborah, or something.
Alec Prince the Damned: I think I did, but she’s so boring I kinda forgot.
Alec Prince the Damned: Yep, yep, says it right here.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: He’s killing again?
Actually he’s mind-controlling other people into killing.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Distinction without a difference.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Does everybody know what time it is?
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: DUEL TIME
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Little Tim Allen joke for the old folks out there.
Alec Prince the Damned: Tim Allen is a joke.
Alec Prince the Damned: Oh no, you cast a fine mist over me.
Alec Prince the Damned: Everything goes on floor now.
Alec Prince the Damned: Wait, what
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Asshole.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Glad I’ve been stockpiling materials.
Got enough to keep him at bay?
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Indefinitely? No. Until he gets fed up? Well, he’s evil, and evil tends to get fed up pretty fast, so…
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Unfortunately, good is incompetent.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Everyone’s going over to the evil side. Evil’s like an infection. A sex infection. A non-sex infection? No, definitely sex. Everything around here is sex.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Why is everything around here sex?
Because the person playing your game is twenty-six.
I’m not saying he gets a lot better at thirty-four, mind you.
I just spent quite a lot of time drawing a naked woman covered in bubbles.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I don’t know what to bubble about that.
This image is a good representation of the mind of a teenager.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Please tell me-
It wasn’t a picture of you covered in bubbles, no.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I mean, this isn’t much better.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Hi. Brooke? We talked on messenger. You know, generic computer messenger? The kind we don’t have to pay to talk about?
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: You can’t really help me, but I need to talk to someone because I’m stuck in this house while the world goes to shit.
HAHAHA THAT FEEL
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: There’s this FUCKING FUCKER trying to get all up in my grill.
Brooke: Can you kill him?
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I’m gonna try!
Brooke: I hear it’s not illegal to kill fucking fuckers, especially capitalized ones. Capital… crime…? There’s a joke to be made there
Meh.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I also think I’m being used as fanservice.
Brooke: Which is funny, because most of the fans are probably women.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: So it’s not so much funny as… pointless, then.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: If it’s fanservice he’s going for, where’s the Doctor Who slashfic?
Brooke: He probably doesn’t know enough about Doctor Who.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Is that even possible? You’ve heard the shit he talks about.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: He knows enough not to write it as “Dr. Who”! I’ll bet he knows every fuckin’ nerd thing out there!
I am very poorly-informed about anime.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: ‘s fuckin’ cold in here.
Brooke: Put some clothes on?
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: How can you tell I’m naked?
Brooke: Everybody basically always is.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Them’s some harsh other person’s home truths, sister.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Anything in here about protective wards? Preferably opaque ones?
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I’m super not looking forward to having to repel this dude’s advances for, like, ever.
Yeah, being a woman always struck me as a raw deal.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Luckily, success breeds more success!
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I wonder.
What?
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: If I cook all his stuff, will he stop coming by?
It might make him come by more often. Angrier.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I wonder.
What?
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Can I cook him?
Boo Bradley: .oO(I doubt he’s nutritious.)
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Apello Simae.
Alec Prince the Damned: Holy bait-and-switch, Batman!
Alec Prince the Damned: Just goes to show, it’s hard to read a crazy mind.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Oh, you were reading my mind. I guess it’s true what they say about paranoia.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Paranoia helps you burn people alive.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Just a sec, I forgot the word.
Alec Prince the Damned: Sure, I’ll wait.
Alec Prince the Damned: So, this is, like, all my stuff.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I thought I’d gather the entire concept of you together in one place.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: And do this to it.
Alec Prince the Damned: I’ll conspire with this wise bird while we wait.
Unfortunately I didn’t care to look up the object’s name, so their conspiracy was easily thwarted.
Alec Prince the Damned: Why can’t I pick this up?
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Because you don’t have inventory, Buy Mode or Build Mode privileges.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Because this ISN’T YOUR HOUSE. INFLAMMO!
Alec Prince the Damned: I’ll save you, Boo Bradley.
Boo Bradley: .oO(My prince!)
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Happy daylight burning!
Alec Prince the Damned: I’M SORRY BOO BRADLEY
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: He is sorry.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Think I got him?
No.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Yeah, me either.
Alec Prince the Damned: Had me fooled for a second.
Alec Prince the Damned: OR TWO
Alec Prince the Damned: …waaaaait a second. How’s that Harry Potter line go again?
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: “Are you a witch or not?”
Alec Prince the Damned: That’s the one.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: It’s not not, let me tell you.
Alec Prince the Damned: STOP NOT STOPPING
Alec Prince the Damned: I can’t keep up with this!
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: If you can’t stand the heat, STAY OUT OF THE FUCKING FIRE
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: INFLAM-
Alec Prince the Damned: MATAíOSI
Alec Prince the Damned: What, didn’t read the chapter on counterspells yet?
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: …I thought they were for counting stuff.
Alec Prince the Damned: Like exact minutes to failure?
Alec Prince the Damned: Mellifera Attackum. Assuming there’s still bees left in the world somewhere.
Alec Prince the Damned: Float like a wizard, sting with a bee!
Alec Prince the Damned: Or, you know, more than one.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: NOT THE BEES
Alec Prince the Damned: Later, honey.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: THE HIVES ARE EMPTY AND ALL THE BEES ARE HERE
Boo Bradley: You’d think nostalgia would burn faster than this.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: …did I just fight the Prince of Darkness to a draw?
It sounds impressive, but most fictional fights with the devil actually end this way.
Only with less burning beds.
♪ The time has come ♪
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: ♪ For the musical interlude ♪
♪ To say bear’s bear ♪
♪ To lose the deposit ♪
♪ To pay our share ♪
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Of fanservice.
♪ The time has come ♪
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: ♪ A bath’s a bath ♪
♪ Get your wand and then ♪
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: ♪ Let’s give ’em wrath ♪
Next time: Blue Monday.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 26 December 2012 to 27 December 2012.