The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 455

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

Updates every damn day!

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In which travel to a foreign country proves fatal.

ESCAPISM AM I RIGHT

Andrew: SOCIAL DISTANCING, PEOPLE!

Andrew: THAT’S LESS THAN SIX FEET
Cynthia: I’m more of a social closer.

Vanessa: Pretty sure diseases are more afraid of him than he is of them.

Cynthia: You know what I find sexy? Fried zombie.

Andrew: Fuck this noise.

Andrew: Yeah, that’s right, scream. Announce the inauguration of my sub-subplot!

Andrew: Hey baby, wanna be my person of interest?

Andrew: So yeah, my dentist brother and I, also a dentist, were wondering if you’ve seen the… wives, of our… friends back home.
Christy Lawson: Why are you looking for other people’s wives?
Andrew: That’s what we do in Sharpesvale.

Cynthia: You have the look of unearned wealth about you.
William: I have earned my wealth of experience.
Cynthia: But your actual wealth?
William: You’re right, I never earned that. Our society doesn’t place a premium on fightin’ and fuckin’ like it should.

Christy: Good news! I know where your wives are!
Andrew: Our friends’ wives.
Christy: We’ll be taking you to meet them real soon.

Vanessa: Don’t I know you from somewhere?
Alvin Zarubin: Just my first name, probably.

Alvin: I was an Alvin long before that asshole Hobbyist stole my brand.

Vanessa: Okay, so here’s the deal. I’m trying to help that dude find his wife, so I can win him away from her fair-and-square.
Alvin: I think I saw that plotline on Soap.

Christy: We’re gonna get promoted!
Alvin: And also get to kill some jerks!

Alvin: To sew the seeds of your damnation!
Christy: To drum up needless altercation!

Alvin: To spread disorder at every turn!

Christy: To watch the whole damn setting… burn?
Andrew: Keep going, I’m just taking my position.

Alvin: Alvin!
Vanessa: But not really!

Christy: Christy!
Andrew: Yes, I read your nameplate.

Chris: ENTROPY will claim you all, in time!

Alvin: We’re so evil, our slogans don’t rhyme!
Vanessa: But it did.
Alvin: But did it?
Vanessa: Yeah, it definitely did.

Christy: But did it?

Meowth: …that’s right?

Christy: Let’s do another URK
Andrew: Are you all this impractically theatrical?

Christy: Careful! I might get a kill shot on you through the magics of perspective and editing!

Christy: Alternatively we can have a nice hug.

Alvin: MINE’S NOT A HUGGER, CHRISTY

Andrew: Gonna flip you like a flapjack, missy.

Christy: I fork my flapjacks.

Tour Guide: You guys gonna do something about that?
William: Let Chud have his fun.

Andrew: This is kinda fun.
Vanessa: Just think! If you were secret agent, you’d be getting paid for this! Possibly by both sides.

Andrew: Oh, both sides are paying alright.

Christy: Looks like ENTROPY’s falling apart agaaaaaaaaaaaain…

Alvin: Anyone else feel a chill just now?

Andrew: Watch your step, Captain Trips.
Vanessa: Nice one, babe.

Alvin: I hate science.

You wouldn’t happen to be an evil twin, would you?

Cynthia: So hey, y’all wanna play gum lacrosse?

Vanessa: That was pretty hot, how you stabbed that chick and then zapped that dude.
Andrew: It’s erections like these that make me really appreciate a nice loose suit.

Vanessa: I think your sexiness is a problem. I shouldn’t have taken so long to finish that schlub.
The Grim Reaper: TECHNICALLY YOU STILL HAVEN’T FINISHED

Linda Yang: THIS GATHERING IS TECHNICALLY ILLEGAL

Alvin: Large gatherings haven’t been illegal since SARS.

We’re currently in the middle of a SARS-2 pandemic.

Alvin: “SARS-2”? If you’re gonna make shit up at least make it believable.

Lydia Couderc: Hi William!
Cynthia: Who’s William?
William: IT’S MY PENIS’ NAME

Cynthia: At least it’s not named something stupid, like “Captain Sparkles.”

Andrew: DRINK HEAVY WATER!
Alvin: OH NO! THAT CAUSES SUPERPOWERS!

Alvin: I don’t feel super.

Andrew: Are you gonna tell us what we want to know?
Alvin: IT’S IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO ANSWER THAT FOR CERTAIN

Andrew: The kidnapped SimNationals! WHERE ARE THEY.
Alvin: Oh! They’re here. Right now.

Alvin: AND YOU’LL NEVER FIND THEM
Andrew: Come on. Surely you can see that’s not something I want to know!

Andrew: So, they’re close by, huh? Was that your clue? Do I have to cobble together the entire picture, piece by piece, murdering my way through the puzzle box?

Alvin: I volunteer to be the first step on your road to peacefully solving the puzzle.

Alvin: Tell you what. I’ll give you a second clue, if you let me go.
Andrew: I might let you live.
Alvin: Half a clue, then.

Alvin: Up.

Alvin: I also have some gossip about someone named “Jihoon,” if you’re interested.

Andrew: I am not!

Cynthia: I am.

Andrew: “Up,” huh.
Alvin: Yep, they’re being held hostage in a Pixar film.

Alvin: Excuse me?
Vanessa: I’m finding it hard to.

Alvin: I don’t think that’s on freeze setting anymore.
Andrew: She must think there’s enough Alvins in the world already.

Alvin: WHY
Vanessa: Because two Alvins is fine, but one Alvin who knows who we are and what we’re doing here is one Alvin too many.

Alvin: That’s really bad phrasing, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Vanessa: I’m sorry if it bugged you.

Alvin: That’s even WORSE! You’re really BUTCHERING the language.

Alvin: This entire exchange STINKS!

Alvin: You’re really TICKING me off!

Alvin: And I’m being EATEN BY FLIES

Alvin: HUUUUUAAAAAARGGZGZGZGZGZGZZZZZZZ

Alvin: something about pests… pestering

Vanessa: No more metaphors.

Knut Alioto: It was a freak gnat attack. They happen sometimes.
Vanessa: They do?
Knut: Yeah, gnats hate freaks.

Steven McAuley: I see you there, with your clever framing.

Cynthia: Looks like Chud came through!
William: Make sure you call him that when you congratulate him. He loves his name.

Cynthia: Names are important.

So are roofs.

Cynthia: Did you come to Takemizu to fall in love, Gerd?
William: No, but I did plan to fall into a few vaginas.

Vanessa: I’m gonna sleep on my side from now on, then.

William: You know, I’ve met a lot of secret agents from a lot of secret agencies. Are you sure we haven’t crossed paths before?
Cynthia: Maybe. Maybe we’re just star-crossed instead.

Andrew: Dad says you get to keep anything you find here.

It’s the Simerican way!

Christa: THIRTY YEARS I’ve been stuck like this.

Cynthia: I’ve been stuck a long time, too.
William: Stuck how?
Cynthia: Stuck up.

Andrew: That’s what happens when you don’t work for a living, like I do.

Andrew: Ooh, a map! The Law of Conservation of Detail says it’ll be a relevant map.

Andrew: In other news, I’m mad at someone I just met?

I’m sure it’s not relevant.

Andrew: WE’RE GOING TO THE PAGODA IN THE SHADOWS
Cynthia: OKAY, FOLLOW ME
Andrew: BUT I HAVE THE MAP
Cynthia: FOLLOW ME ANYWAY
William: STOP FUCKING SHOUTING

Andrew: I’ll never forget you, forgettable faces I’ve already forgotten!

William: I never forget a face.
Cynthia: I’m that way with slights.

Andrew: We going on a slightseeing tour?

Vanessa: I need to have a long, long talk with my libido.


Vanessa: Anyone else noticing a distinct lack of shadow?
Cynthia: He turns them off when he’s posing Sims sometimes and forgets to turn them back on afterward.

Cynthia: Unlike some people, who turn me on and forget to turn me off afterward.
Vanessa: I hear you.
William: I also hear you.
Andrew: I’m pretending not to hear.

Next time: in the garden of SimBuddha.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 22 December 2012.

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