The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 440

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

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In which there is wood in the woods.

Victor: I’ll be the one with the wood.
Cameron: You would.

Victor: THOSE ARE SPELLED DIFFERENTLY

Victor: So hey, you know what’s cool? I was in Sharpesvale in one of these chapters, even though I’d already been established as not having left here yet!
Cameron: Entire plotlines rise and fall thanks to that kind of oversight.

Victor: I like that you’re so old, you remember when there were plotlines.

Cameron: There’s still plotlines! They’re just more subtle now.
Victor: You mean fuzzy.
Cameron: I was being subtle!

Cameron: I need some subtlety in my life right now.

Victor: Fun fact: the entire SimNation is just one big water pipe.

Cameron: It’s not as fun a fact as you’d think.

Cameron: I also need some fun in my life.

Cameron: And now I’m thinking about that.

Cameron: Alright, I’m gonna take a shower right after I mop… the… dirt…

Victor: Yeah, this house is weird.

Victor: And wet.

Victor: And tedious.

Cameron: I finished a whole shower without getting fucked! Porn is a lie!

Victor: There’s another shower on the horizon, we’ll see how it goes.

Cameron: I’ve never been this close to the horizon before!

Cameron: Good lord that thing is huge.

Cameron: Time to send the big man spelunking!

Cameron: My cave is dark, but we’ll see how deep it is.

Victor: Deep and damp!

Cameron: Damp is such a sexy word.

Victor: I briefly considered dank.

Victor: So, as a Hand of Poseidon, do you have a water fetish?

Victor: …or is reminding you of your responsibilities a Turn-Off?

Victor: It’s the second thing, isn’t it.

What a lovely prison cell you’ve built for yourself.

Victor: Do they have MASSAGES in prison?
Cameron: Only involuntary ones.

Victor: Do they have MAKEOUTS in prison?
Cameron: Nope, only breakouts.

Victor: Hey baby, you ready to go again?
Cameron: What, today?

Cameron: …I think I just became old.

Victor: That would explain the spontaneous newspaper-generation.

Cameron: But what explains you watching me shit?

Victor: The absence of television.

Cameron: We have windowvision…

Cameron: But it’s frankly quite unsettling out there.

Cameron: This is a garbage location.

Cameron: With garbage food.
Victor: Hey, you’re welcome.

Cameron: You need to go home.

Cameron: Are these somehow Chinese food sandwiches?

And then he ate her.

Cameron: And all her problems too!

Cameron: Eaten people don’t have chores.

Cameron: Okay, this turned out to be one of those boycuts that doesn’t make you hot, it just makes you look like a boy.

Cameron: Better.

I think you’ve got a rash.

Cameron: It’s probably just dirt.

Cameron: My life is just dirt.

Cameron: And rocks.

Victor: Did you say your life rocks? That’s it! Have a positive outlook.

Cameron: If you’re not gonna help, you get to sleep in the hole.

Victor: I am amenable to filling a hole for you.

Cameron: Hit my uterus so hard it wanders!

Cameron: KNOCK SOME BALLS INTO ME

Cameron: …do a sex thing.

Cameron: …the fireworks aren’t coming, are they.

Victor: No, but I am.

Victor: I can’t wait to tell all my friends about the old lady I had unsatisfying sex with.

Cameron: Hopefully some of them can do better.

Victor: Can I stay the night?
Cameron: Only because your body is the only source of heat in here.

Victor: That’s fair.

She’s actually kinda cute.

It surprises me every time.

Victor: I’d like to think I can do better than “actually kinda.”

Victor: We tried, baby.
Cameron: Not really.
Victor: No, not really.

Cameron: I won’t miss the motion of the ocean, but I will miss the size of the ship.

Victor: I won’t miss any of this.

Cameron: k well fuck off then

Cameron: Ya little jerk.

Victor: Not so little.
Cameron: No, not so.

Cameron: Look me up when you get better at bangin’.
Victor: Not a chance.

How long will that tan last?

Cameron: It’s not a tan. It’s from ocean pollution.

Cameron: It’s basically skin cancer.

Cameron: My life is a mess.

Cameron: I’m a sex-starved fugitive.

Cameron: I get to eat the rest of those sandwiches!

Cameron: I enjoyed an excellent sausage recently.

Cameron: I’m so lonely.

Next time: she’s not alone.

In feeling lonely.

Otherwise she totally is, yeah.

Cameron: Thanks, man.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 16 December 2012.

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