Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
Updates every damn day!
IN WHICH I’M IN A HURRY
And I am the only one?
Laci: No time to talk, lady! No time to think up the dialogue.
Laci: You want the big house down the hall.
Nanette: This entire place is the big house.
Laci: It’s good to know zombies can still understand aphorisms.
Laci: If not directions.
Allie: mmmmf… oh yeah baby steal my baby…
Laci: I’m on a mission to empty all the refrigerators!
Laci: I dunno, everybody should have a mission.
Some transitions should NOT be captured.
At least, unlike TS3, this game HAS transitions.
It isn’t just a FUCKING SLIDESHOW.
Remind me to complain at length about TS3, it’s been festering in my mind for almost a year now.
Shit, I need to prepare an April Fools’ thing.
Nanette: I’ve been trying to think up a clever attack phrase, but the Maker’s babbling got in the way.
Nanette: So I’m gonna go with RAR
Laci: .rar is a practical and well-established alternative to .zip!
Allie: She might have gone with RAR, but she got ZIP instead!
Allie: See? Good lines aren’t that hard.
Laci: You ladies want a drink? I lady want a drink.
Allie: I lady want dead lady stank off me.
Wow, even in a rush, I’ve still got it.
Nanette: Aren’t you worried people will get sick of your self-satisfaction?
I temper it thoroughly with self-loathing, so.
Nanette: They told me I could beat her.
Laci: You shouldn’t trust theys. Theys are always bad news.
Nanette: Maybe I can beat you.
Laci: I am also always bad news.
Nanette: My pride is injured. Also all my body parts.
Allie: Alright, new girl, time for your physical.
Laci: We who are about to kick ass salute you.
Allie: ♪ Sieg Heil to the President Gasman ♪
Allie: ♪ BOMBS AWAY IS YOUR PUNISHMENT! ♪
Nanette: What’s she doing?
Laci: Bein’ drunk.
Allie: ♪ PULVERIZE THE EIFFEL TOWERS ♪
Allie: ♪ WHO CRITICIZE YOUR GOVERNMENT ♪
Allie: Then he says a bad word.
Laci: One sympathizes.
Laci: YOU DIDN’T FIT THAT SONG IN VERY WELL
I’d been listening to it, and I figured hey, I’ll probably never fit it in very well, but then hey, Allie was all like “bombs” and I was in a rush and I went “Sure, okay.”
Allie: The crudity of your creative process disturbs me greatly.
Laci: OUR LIVES ARE IN THE HANDS OF A CALLOUS GOD
Nanette: GET YOUR CALLOUSES OFF ME
Nanette: Also get your torso out of my torso.
Allie: WHO’S GONNA CLEAN THIS UP IS MY QUESTION
Allie: OH, THE DUST…MANITY
Allie: I feel like I could’ve come up with something better than THAT.
ON A TIGHT SCHEDULE HERE
Laci: I’ll wrap it up then, shall I.
Laci: I took boxing lessons in hell.
Laci: And I was in hell for decades.
Nanette: You sent my tailbone there.
Laci: No, I just pulverized it.
Laci: Get her a drink while I get her a ticket home.
Allie: Drinks are for working stiffs, not just… stiffs.
Laci: Little warning next time, Ceci…
Allie: WHO SENT YOU
Nanette: DEFINITELY NOBODY
Laci: My daughter has a funny idea of what a job reference looks like.
Laci: And my job reference has a funny smell.
Allie: Are you aware that I once beat up an entire university of zombies?
Nanette: I must have missed that well-known Allie Fact.
Allie: Check out Charnel Knowledge when it comes out this [GOD WHO KNOWS] for more details!
Laci: Or, you know, just read the chapters.
STOP UNDERMINING ME
Laci: Undermining is kind of my thing, though?
Allie: Kicking ass and taking shots is my thing.
Nanette: Is that lightning?
Laci: Yeah, it’s raining.
There’s only two pics showing evidence of it, but it was enough to make it into the chapter title.
Nanette: You wouldn’t shoot an unarmed woman!
Laci: I wouldn’t? That must be a source of great relief to you!
Laci: Oops, guess you’re not unarmed.
Nanette: OW, MY OWN LOGIC
Laci: FIRST DAY ON THE JOB, BITCHES
Allie: Excellent spread control, well done.
Nanette: WAIT I FORGOT TO SAY WHO SENT ME
The Grim Reaper: AH, THAT’S WHERE SHE GOT TO.
The Grim Reaper: FUCKIN’ ZOMBIES.
Allie: Well done.
The Grim Reaper: COULD’VE SHOT-CLUSTERED BETTER.
Allie: I’m sorry I doubted you.
Laci: You are sorry.
Allie: Would you like to be my deputy warden?
Laci: A meaningless promotion in title at a dying institution? Yes, please!
Allie: God, is it dying already? It’s only been-
The Grim Reaper: A HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SEVEN CHAPTERS.
Allie: …what? It can’t have been-
The Grim Reaper: A HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SEVEN CHAPTERS.
Laci: That’s a pretty good run for anything in this county.
Allie: As long as there’s crime, there’s still hope.
Laci: That sounds like a good slogan for ENTROPY.
Allie: “We Should Go Fuck Ourselves” sounds like a good slogan for ENTROPY.
Laci: Hahaha yeah fuck those guys who aren’t here.
Allie: That felt meaningful but I feel drunk.
The Grim Reaper: ANSWER YOUR GODDAMN PHONE
The Grim Reaper: FUCKING FINALLY
Laci: Yes please.
FUCK THIS TREE IN PARTICULAR
FUCK THIS PEE IN PARTICULAR
Laci: FUCK THIS POO IN PARTICULAR
Man, I can write really fast when I write really badly.
Laci: Getting a room with a framed picture of Stephen Murphy is like moving into an entirely Garfield-themed house.
Laci: HAHAHA I Think You Should Leave was HILARIOUS.
Yes, direct people away from my humour to other people’s humour.
Laci: I’m an expert at redirection.
Laci: For example I’m redirecting my bafflement at Cecilia’s plans and my fury at everyone I’ve ever loved, and everyone adjacent to them, towards executing Cecilia’s baffling plans.
Laci: Which is probably totally fine and not at all a bad thing.
Laci: Although any decision-making process that ends with me mopping up lady piss probably had some mistakes along the way.
Laci: Gross mistakes.
Laci: Whew. She must have a lot of vinegar, because that was a lot of piss.
Laci: What am I doing with my life?
Marking time between storylines.
Laci: As time-markers go, machinegunning a zombie is pretty effective.
Laci: THIS HAIR IS GETTING TO BE A BIT MUCH
Laci: Also life. Is.
Laci: Getting to be a bit much.
Jesus Christ stop moaning and go do something.
Something evil, preferably.
Laci: I wanna do Alvin.
Laci: Or at least kill him.
Allie: You’re losing it.
Allie: Also I’m losing it, because this is not dawn. It’s… like… noon.
Allie: I might as well sleep in until evening, then!
Allie: Or just take a giant dump all afternoon.
Ah, I know that life.
Sleep in super late.
Take a huge dump.
Prepare a chef salad with balsamic vinaigrette.
Laci: I’m impressed that you’d write a script with the word “vinaigrette” in it while you’re in a hurry.
And I’ve had to write it TWICE now!
Laci: It’s fadey outside.
Allie: It’s lady outside.
Allie: And she can staydy there.
Allie: A+ DIALOGUE WOULD SPEAK AGAIN
Laci: Mornin’ boss…erina.
Laci: ‘cuz you look like a ballerina.
Allie: THANKS I GOT IT
Laci: You eat like a pig.
Allie: Efficiently, yes.
Laci: You talk when you eat.
Laci: At least I’m getting, like, a quarter of your food on my food.
Laci: So hey, how ’bout that death?
Allie: It was pretty neat.
Allie: Or did you mean Death?
Laci: Grimmy and I are old pals, I’d never call him that.
Allie: How did you come back to life?
Laci: I would argue I didn’t.
Allie: Just a sec, got a want to snap a pic because the game is bugged all to fuck and thinks I’m on vacation.
Allie: And here’s the pic, because the Maker is an asshole.
An asshole who wrote an entire chapter in FORTY MINUTES
Laci: And it only entirely shows.
Next time: crazy town.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 15 December 2012.