The Oak Point Reconstruction, Part 15 of 15

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The end is nigh.

Grugly2006: It’s been a ride.

This chapter does not represent the present visual quality of the Chronicles! It’s grody and uncropped and older than the iPhone, and so compressed it’s frankly hilarious. Don’t hold it against me; it’s not beautiful enough!

Gordon King: Alright, let’s loot this thing before it all goes to shit.

Karen: Yes! All our un-vacuumed dust became a sentient being, just like mom said it would!

Lewis: That is WAY COOLER than what’s actually happening.

Willa: Who won?
Lewis: Who knows?

The cop won, since neither of you seem to have acquired a burning hatred for the robber.

Lewis: CELEBRATORY FUCK!

Karen: Dang, I almost hopped out of camera range.

Karen: Acknowledge me.
Lewis: I’m acknowledging dinner.

Karen: What’re you doing.
Orlando Bertino: Trying to sneak a look at your cards.
Karen: …you’re not coming to university with me.

I mean, that much is definitely true.

Karen: Woo! Further hints at my imminent demise!

Karen: What happens when the world stops existing?
Willa: I don’t know, Karen.
Karen: DON’T PICK THIS MOMENT TO BECOME AN HONEST PARENT

Lewis: I love you, Swilla.
Willa: I love you to, Tlewis.

Orlando: I love wiping my clean pants on your dirty asses.

Karen: I love being awake when everyone else is asleep.
Grugly2006: I’m still here.
Karen: Yeah, but not for long.


The Grim Reaper: SPEAKING OF.

Andy: What happened?
The Grim Reaper: CRITICAL PREGNANCY FAILURE.
Andy: What?
The Grim Reaper: SHE DIDN’T EAT FOR, LIKE, A WHOLE DAY?

Andy: She can’t die!
The Grim Reaper: THAT FLIES RIGHT IN THE FACE OF EVERYTHING THEY SHOULD’VE TAUGHT YOU IN SCHOOL ABOUT THE FOOD GROUPS AND STUFF.

Andy: She’s having our baby!
The Grim Reaper: NOT UNLESS SHE’S HAVING IT RIGHT NOW, SHE ISN’T.

Andy: I will fight you for her soul!
The Grim Reaper: JUST RESURRECT HER LATER.
Andy: With what?
The Grim Reaper: THE RESURRECT-O-NOMITRON?
Andy: How do I get that?
The Grim Reaper: UH… THE PARANORMAL CAREER?
Andy: You’re making shit up now!

Andy: And I hate how you’re hogging all the caps so I have to shout in italics.

The Grim Reaper: OH, I SEE I’VE BEEN DEFEATED OFF-SCREEN.
Grugly2006: How unsatisfying!

The Grim Reaper: YEAH, YEAH, GO EAT SOMETHING YOU FUCKIN’ IDIOT.

Andy: Don’t ever do that again.
Chelsea: Don’t ever eat something again? That might be a problem.

Chelsea: I felt so peaceful there, on the floor.
Andy: We have really plush carpet.

Chelsea: Do you think death is really so bad?

I suppose if you’re very sick, it might be a relief eventually.

Grugly2006: This is starting to feel targeted.

Chelsea: Would you have eulogized me?
Andy: I wouldn’t do anything weird with a corpse, especially if I don’t know the words for it!

Grugly2006: How long was our mom sick for?

A long, long time. More than a year.

Grugly2006: Was she ready to go, when she went?

No.

Grugly2006: Were you ready?

No.

But I never would’ve been.

Grugly2006: I guess that’s a sign that you made the most of the time you had.

Yeah, the thing about making the most of your time is that it makes you want more time even more.

Grugly2006: I don’t want to trivialize the topic, but… I kind of wish I had more time.

Yeah, that’s in the nature of the characters I create. You’ve all got lives of your own in my head.

Grugly2006: No wonder you get headaches.

Grugly2006: You do still get headaches, right?

I’ve got one right now.

Grugly2006: I mean, if you’re gonna be mentally ill, you should get to trade off your existing complaint.

Expecting things like that to conform to rules of fairness is getting a lot of people killed right now.

Chelsea: Do I look good, when I finally come back to life?

I can probably scrounge up a screenshot.

Chelsea: Yeah, that won’t cause a terrifying time paradox or anything.

Chelsea: Oh! Hey! I’m brown in the future.

Neighbourhood needs more diversity.

Chelsea: I like it a lot better than the sickly jaundice I’ve got right now, that’s for sure.

Grugly2006: For sure it is.

Andy: How do I look?

Acceptable.

Andy: Not gonna show me?

Do I care enough? Don’t think I do.

Also I rename you “Arnie” because I’ve already got an Andrew.

Arnie: An Andrew who’s NEWER THAN ME? Also HEY, you’re already doing it!

Honestly it’s been really annoying not being able to type my natural autocomplete, !ANDY, for your name, because it’s already set to “Andrew Murphy the Warlock

Arnie: So you’re renaming me as a matter of convenience.

I guess I could just kill you instead.

Grugly2013: The slowest of slow pans.

Chelsea: The sauciest of sauce pans!

Chelsea: Somehow still needs more sauce, though.

Chelsea: Let me see how And… how Arnie looks.

Why?

Chelsea: So I can decide if he’s hot enough for me, obviously.

Chelsea: Ooh! Mysterious.

Except you’ll already know everything about him.

Grugly2006: You know, you might think that about someone? And then they might surprise you.

I dunno, I looked up your files again and apparently you were reading Shortpacked! and working on your Warcraft 3 mod, and… that’s like the most stereotypically you-in-2006 couple of things I can think of.

Grugly2006: I also watched a girl get fat.

Chelsea: I’m having a baby that won’t ever reach maturity.

That’s not true!

She’ll reach maturity off-screen.

Chelsea: Thanks, that’s much less depressing.


Suzie: So, this is it, huh?

Ayup.

Suzie: Don’t suppose you’ll let me check out post-baby?

Hey, there’s over a hundred pics left. Anything can happen.

Suzie: Gonna assume that’s a “no,” then.

Suzie: Ah, but at least I still have access to my endless source of yesses!

Suzie: My yes-man, if you will.


Valerie: YES! YES! YESSSSSSS…!

Valerie: You really bring the consonants, you know that?

Valerie: C’mere and lick this cheese off my tits.

Valerie: Do you think I’m eloquent enough for politics?

Leon: I can’t see what you’re saying so I’m gonna talk over it.

Leon: Can I see what she looks like in the future?

Not without my help, no.

Leon: Alright, we need to bribe him. Sex scene!
Valerie: That’ll only turn on the ’06 model!
Leon: Well if we turn him on enough, it’ll reverberate down through the ages!

Valerie: I think you vastly overestimate our hotness.
Leon: Yeah, I like that about me.


…wow?

Grugly2006: I literally did not care about them and their boring sex.

Tom: I am now visually distinct from Lewis.
Suzie: Aw, just when I was hoping to use you as a proxy, too!

Suzie: You don’t think the last chapter ever might be a bit late to strike off on your own?
Tom: I need to make a big impression! I’ve got less than a hundred pics to become a character with recognizable traits beyond “wants to fuck the main character’s wife.”

I think you’ll find that she’s the main character.

Willa: That would explain all the fun I’m having.

Tom: Should I put a little music on?
Willa: I think we should only take things off from this point onward.

Willa: But not in the shitter, please.

Willa: Do you think this is romantic? Because this isn’t romantic.

Tom: I’m a crab!
Willa: I don’t want crabs.

Tom: I’m a boxer!
Willa: ♪ Li la li! ♪

Willa: ♪ Li la li li, li la li ♪
Tom: ♪ Li la li ♪
William: ♪ Li la li li li la li, la la la li li ♪

Tom: I hate us for doing that.

Willa: But will you still hate us in the morning?

Tom: That depends on what we do or don’t do tonight.

Willa: I’m so glad I’m here with you, breaking both our hips.

Willa: Alright, buddy, don’t get affectionate. I’ve already got a husband.
Tom: Oh, sorry, I was trying to contrast with your husband via affection.

Willa: You make a good point.

Tom: How’d you like to make it with my good point?

Some day I’ll run out of new euphemisms.

Grugly2006: Newphemisms.

I think I’ve already used that one.

Grugly2006: Not in 2006, you haven’t.

Willa: This can’t go on, you know.
Tom: I know! You told me. Tonight, it’s off-only.

Tom: I’m gonna need to know if you’re doth-protesting-too-much or not, at this juncture.
Willa: We could keep it ambiguous.
Tom: No, I think we’ve reached the end of ambiguity.

Willa: Alright, well, how ’bout this: one butt-tap for yes, two butt-taps for no?

Willa: That way you get butt-taps either way.

Tom: I don’t want my butt tapped.

Grugly2006: They’re obviously into each other.

Yes, but a certain amount of clarity is required before they’re literally into each other.

You’ll understand when 1) you’re my age, and 2) you’re not still in the sexual dark ages where consent is mostly used for psychiatric experiments.

Willa: Non-consensual sex can’t even happen in The Sims.

Once again, gotta say, better than real life.

Tom: I’d still like to know if I’m about to be rejected for a WooHoo.
Willa: If you call it that again, you will be.

Tom: As long as you’re happy, Willa, we’ll do whatever you want.

Willa: That was what I wanted.

Tom: Well, I’ve got a checklist.

Yeah, get an extra-good angle on those jaggy-ass knees.

Tom: We’re in bullet time now, apparently.
Willa: I guess this is the moment the entire series has been building up to.
Tom: We’re gonna have to scream some hilarious shit to make it work.

Tom: Gimme dat titty, pretty.

Willa: That was a terrible start.

Willa: FUCK ME LIKE I’M NOT HIS

Willa: FUCK ME LIKE MY HUSBAND DESERVES IT

Willa: FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME

Tom: Fuck you? Fuck him.

Willa: NEVER AGAIN

Willa: You fucked my glasses right off!

Willa: That was… that was incredible.

I found it all too credible, honestly.

Grugly2006: Yeah, at this point the only possible twist would’ve been fidelity.

Willa: Fidelity is for losers.

Willa: And I just won me a vagina-load of neighbour-sex.

Tom: Do you feel guilty?
Willa: If I do, it’s buried somewhere under the neighbour-sex I’m still feeling!

Willa: We can never do this again.
Tom: Okay.
Willa: Definitely not at my house.
Tom: Okay.
Willa: In our marriage bed.
Tom: Okay.

Tom: So okay.

Well, ’06, I guess we can say this story had an arc.

Grugly2006: I guess.

Husband betrays wife, wife never finds out, wife betrays husband anyway.

Grugly2006: Not very uplifting, is it?

Oh, I dunno.

I’m sure it uplifted you plenty.

Willa: I could really go for some Hot Lips right now.

I knew there had to be something I wouldn’t like about you.

I guess you didn’t know this was the last forty screenshots, but it would’ve been nice to see you rise to the occasion.

Grugly2006: I prefer to think of it as an admirable commitment to consistency.

I do like how you always take these outside-looking-in pics for adultery. That’s thematically-sound.

Grugly2006: Also they’re, like, the only pics where I don’t end up getting stuck in the walls.

…don’t explain things anymore, okay?

Let me remember you positively.


Chris: Look, dad! Paper! I brought it all the way from the bus!
Walter: MY BOY HAS OBJECT PERMANENCE!

Walter: And also acceptable grades.
Chris: “Acceptable”?!
Walter: I was kind of hoping for a report card that just said “He’s off the charts, we’re revamping the entire system with him as the upper limit.”

Chris: Christ, you don’t ask for much, do you?
Walter: I’M ALSO ASKING YOU NOT TO SAY THE C-WORD

Amy: I don’t think that’s the c-word?
Walter: Sorry, the all-caps must have confused you. It’s not the c-word, but it is the C-word.

Amy: I’m fat now.

You look fine from this angle.

Amy: Awesome. We film me only from this angle from now on.

Grugly2006: I don’t think I’m up to that challenge.
Amy: What else is new.

Grugly2006: Not much! Not much point in new things, this close to the end.

Amy: Maybe if I twist enough, I can ████████ the baby with its █████████ ████.

Sorry, been writing too many SCPs lately.

Amy: Instead of writing our triumphant return to existence?

I’m actually going to start playing you guys reasonably soon after these chapters are done!

Amy: Please play me not pregnant.


Ivy: …what’s happening.
Michelle: Someone who doesn’t live here is feeding a baby in a house that shouldn’t even have a baby in it. What’s the problem?


Reality’s breaking down.

Willa: Meh.

And you have a terrible new haircut.

Willa: THAT’S AWFUL!

Okay, now why are we doing this?

Grugly2006: I dunno, I got praise for it, I can’t stop.

Karen: I’m gonna have a sister?
Willa: It could easily be a brother, you know.
Karen: Oh, I won’t allow that to be easy, no way!

Willa: IT MIGHT BE YOURS
Tom: What?
Willa: THE BABY
Tom: What baby?
Willa: THE ONE THAT MIGHT BE YOURS

Tom: What are you talking about?
Willa: YOU LIVE HERE NOW

Tom: Where’s your husband?
Willa: I’m deputizing you.

Tom: Draw!

Willa: FUCK ME IN A POST-PROCREATIVE WAY

Willa: FUCK ME LIKE LEWIS IS… PROBABLY…

Willa: Fucking… Suzie…

Willa: ONLY DO IT BETTER

Tom: That was one hell of a recovery!
Willa: Well, the covers helped.


Arnie: Do you think we should see an obstetrician?
Chelsea: Do you think those exist?

Chelsea: Anyway, what’s the big deal?
Arnie: You died.
Chelsea: I’m pregnant, shit happens.

Chelsea: We should name the kid before the chapter’s over.
Arnie: But… we don’t know its gender, yet.
Chelsea: We’ll just make it conform to whatever name we give it, then.

Chelsea: Or I guess we could pick a unisex name.

I’m a little annoyed that you didn’t suggest that first.

Chelsea: You said it yourself. This is 2006, we’re not as enlightened as you are.

Valerie: Is this my last pic?

Yep.

Valerie: Can I see how I look in the future?

Is that an excuse to get one more pic?

Valerie: Yep.

Valerie: Oh! An illustration! A hot illustration. I’m hot!

Yep.

Valerie: That’ll be a nice change.


Lewis: So, one final roll in the sack with Suzie, then it’s off home for me!

You’re never going home.

Lewis: What?

There’s just eleven pics left.

Lewis: WHAT?!

Suzie: I’m down for an eleven-pic roll if you are.

Suzie: It’s super romantic how you’re willing to destroy your relationship with someone who loves you just to have sex with me.

Suzie: Y’know, from my perspective.


Grugly2006: Whoops, sorry, wrong household.
Willa: Lose your place?
Grugly2006: Yeah, I’m… I’m kinda losing interest in all this.
Willa: See you in fourteen years, then.

I’m looking forward to it.

StalkerBob: I’ll keep a close watch on her.
Grugly2006: Could you not?
StalkerBob: No, sorry, I can’t not.

Karen: It’s fine, I always wanted a nightlight.


Grugly2006: Who are these people?

It’s funny that I’m really getting a handle on it just as you lose yours.

Lewis: Got a good illustration of me?

Gonna come right out and say it: I’ve been illustrating the ladies first.

Lewis: Why are you illustrating us at all?

‘cuz I’m gonna put you in a book in November.

Lewis: What’s so special about November?

National Write a Novel Month.

I’m not in that nation, but, I mean, technically you guys are.

Ember: See you in November, then?

Sooner.

Grugly2006: À bientôt.

This is Rachel Van Sneek.

She’s a Fortune Sim who’s very Outgoing and Active, very Serious and Mean, very Neat, and very, very far away from her first initialization.

Grugly2006: Make it a good one.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 26 April 2007, 27 April 2006, 28 April 2006, 30 April 2006 and 1 May 2006.

Whew. Goodbye, 2006, we thoroughly knew you.

Grugly2006: It was nice being thoroughly known. I’ll always be a part of you.

I suppose that’s unavoidable, yes.

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