The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 575

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Updates whenever I damn well please!

Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
All naked fake people/fake people having fake sex are 18+ and consenting.

Click Here for Previous Entries!

In which the following pic would normally prompt a snarky joke…

…but this actually is a family.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Or will be soon.

Welcome back to Murphy Hall. It’s Murphy House, now.

Vanessa: You can do that?
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Of course not, I’m not the player.

Cameron Price the Witch: You’re a player.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: On that note, I think I’m ready to win.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Will you marry me?
Vanessa: Didn’t you already ask me?
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Yeah? And you said yes! What’s your point?

Cameron Price the Witch: Are you proposing… Mormonism?

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: I am proposing morewifeism.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: It comes with less weird religious shit, and more expensive jewellery.

Cameron Price the Witch: I accept your selfish proposal.
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: My self thanks you.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Don’t fuck William this time.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: You didn’t respond.
Cameron Price the Witch: No, not outwardly.

Cameron Price the Witch: Did you literally buy this dorm?
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Lock, stock, and filthy food plates!

Cameron Price the Witch: Ahh, memories.

Cameron Price the Witch: Eugh, memories.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Well I didn’t kill anyone here.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Unless you count ladykillin’.

Vanessa: Was this dorm always so pretty? I don’t think I ever came here.

Lots of people came here.

Vanessa: I respect your decision to not answer my boring-ass question.

I prettied it up.

A lot.
Think these are my first custom walls/floors!

For a given definition.

Cameron Price the Witch: Turns out the plumbing is full of rats?

Zombies are messy, messes attract rats.

Cameron Price the Witch: No, zombies are weird, and literally flushed rats down the sink for fun.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Can you flush things down a sink?

You can with enough pressure.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Can we make it canon that the sink rats was a joke?


Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Can we make it canon that the sinks aren’t broken?


Vanessa: Hula Hall.

Vanesa: HOOR Hall.

Cameron Price the Witch: It’s good to make a fresh start.

Man, I’m so creative!

Cameron Price the Witch: What?

Being able to imagine characters so wildly different from myself.

Cameron Price the Witch: Yeah, your ability to imagine having sex and making money is pretty fantastic.

Vanessa: Speaking of sex and money…


Meanwhile, the entire neighbourhood.

On closer inspection, just the Murphies and the Prices.

So, the entire neighbourhood.

Stephen: Nice tux, Fri.
FRIDAY: Nice cultural appropriation, racist.

Romance: Don’t sexy at me, you’re technically my mom.

I think everybody’s mom is here.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: She sure is!
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I’m not EVERYBODY’s.

You guys, I think I have a lot of characters.

I think I ought to lose a few.

Faith: Start with the robits.

You’re all robits.

Stephen: Have we met?
Bradleigh: Sort of!

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Isn’t this beautiful? Our special day. Yours, mine, and my other fiancé’s.


Do you, Andrew Murphy—


Take this—


Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Take this.

I’ll stuff some petals in her mouth.

Victor: What’s going on over here?
Franklin: Some sort of ritual?

Franklin: She screams real good!
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Ten out of ten!
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: I didn’t expect a screamcore band at this random party!

Stewart: What are we clapping for?
Ember: I dunno, everyone’s doing it.
Chelsea: I wish.

Kyle: No, I will not “do it” with you.


Romance: These fake audience members are very convincing.

Faith: Attaboy, Andy! Marry that politician, I might be in the market for a pardon.




Once more, with pictures we can actually frame please.

Blah blah you’re married.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: I was kinda into the screamkissing.

Stephen: You look like SHIT

Victor: Alright, when does the orgy start?

When the kids leave.

Amin: I’ll get the suitcases.


Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: That’s called a WITCHSLAP

Erin: What if William was a Cylon?

Bradleigh: Never catch me getting married.
William: Weren’t you married to Ember?
Bradleigh: Doesn’t count. That’s what she told me.

Grugly Prime: Hope these shots are good, I can’t fucking see.

Sullivan: Where the sinks at? My rats are barkin’.

Cameron Price the Witch: Do you, Andrew, take this woman (me) to be your lawfully-wedded other wife?
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Sad that you’d characterize yourself as the other one.

Bradleigh: Maybe if I met someone I could truly love.
William: Like?
Bradleigh: Like… a sentient sandwich, I guess.

Cameron Price the Witch: We did the thing while you were away.

Good, I hate having to be serious.

Yvonne: Y’all got a peehole in here?
Leonard: How long before he cheats on them both? The duration of the party, you figure?

Vicki: I call this ride “The Roadside Kidnapping!”

Dirk: I’ve always wanted to be on a milk carton!

Cameron Price the Witch: AAAAAAAA just kidding.

Stephen: Hey Sully, where you going?
Sullivan: To crash a plane.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: NOT THE TIME, CHEL

Emerson: Why, is kissing after 2 a problem?

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: You took advantage of lot jealousy being turned off.
Chelsea: Taking advantage is my thing! Being turned off, not so much.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Which one are you again?

Cameron Price the Witch: Which one are you again?
Kyle Wolosenko-Murphy the Nice Warlock: Me or her?
Cameron Price the Witch: Yes.

Oliver: He’s crashing the plane into this, right?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Gotta jet, date with Marc Antony.

Bree: Did you murder any fish at the beach, you murderer?


Lyndsey Price the Witch: So hey, did you and the Cameron-clone set a date?
Wander Murphy the Witch: Oh, we’re not getting involved with each other.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Why not?
Wander Murphy the Witch: Because we’re totally incompatible, and it can only end in disasOH HEY ANDY GREAT WEDDING

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: It was pretty good, as double weddings with only three participants go.

Next time: dormestic bliss.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 30 May 2013.

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