Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
All naked fake people/fake people having fake sex are 18+ and consenting.
In which we peak on the first non-titlecard image.
Christ, I made the title pic the first pic.
Elle: You sure do suck, alright!
Bambi: Yeah, he is alright at it.
Bambi: Are you doing that because you’re crazy, or because it’s fun?
Elle: I’m doing it because it’s crazy fun!
Elle: Is that a good thing?
Elle: Oh shit, I have Aspiration points.
Elle: I’M CURED
Bambi: Now get the fuck out.
Elle: I can’t wait to see what the Maker has in store for me!
Grugly2013: Store’s out of stock, sorry.
Bambi: Wasn’t kidding about the “get the fuck out” part.
Elle: At least I get a high-res exit.
Elle: Do you think Nick would like to hear from me?
Do you think you’d like to associate with a family whose associates always end up dead?
Bambi: She might, she’s still a stupid Maxis NPC.
Don’t get arrogant just because you’re a stupid custom NPC.
Mallory: Where do stupid townies fall?
In this neighbourhood. They fall in this neighbourhood.
Jeannie: Help, I’ve fallen and I don’t give a shit.
You’re looking pretty depressed.
Jeannie: Yeah, I—
Let me see your Aspiration Panel.
Jeannie: Okay, bu—
Bambi: Can’t finish a sentence, huh? Classic Low Aspiration Syndrome.
Jeannie: What even is this.
Jeannie: OH FUCK IT’S A STORYLINE
Bambi: Not the best place to have a psychotic episode…
Jeannie: I DON’T WANT MY EPISODE TO BE PSYCHOTIC
Bambi: We’ll make it psychiatric instead, then!
Kaylynn: Postal workers, amirite
Bambi: I don’t think this is part of the stereotype.
Imagine having “murderers” as your stereotype.
My American readers don’t have to imagine.
Bambi: Can you possibly still have readers?
I got a fuckload of favourites on my links hub while I was away, I’m counting that.
Bambi: Welcome to Harmony Hill!
Jeannie: That sounds bad.
Bambi: It was specifically designed to not sound bad.
Jeannie: That’s probably why.
Bambi: Don’t tell me you’re gonna turn down taxpayer-subsidized Aspiration points!
Jeannie: That’s a confusing enough statement, it’s almost enough to make me forget that you’re staring at my tits.
Bambi: It was specifically designed to almost do that.
Bambi: This is our terrifyingly depressing foyer! It was ill-advised.
Bambi: So hey, let’s talk about your tits.
Jeannie: THIS STRAP IS KILLING THEM
Bambi: It’s just drawn on.
Jeannie: I’m already so grown into this uniform, you’d have to pry me out with a spatula.
Bambi: AT LEAST YOU DON’T LOOK LIKE A TONED-DOWN FINAL FANTASY VILLAIN
Bambi: I’m stuck in this dead-end plotline, and I’m ninety percent sure I’m going to die horribly before I get out of it.
Jeannie: Maybe the roof will cave in, and they can spatula us both out!
Bambi: Well, I mean, if the roof caves in it’ll probably only kill you. I’m a tertiary character. You’re not even that, and the Maker thinks you’re unattractive.
Grugly2013: No I don’t!
Yes I do.
Jeannie: I do look like a blowup doll come to half-life!
Grugly2013: No you don’t!
Yes she does.
Bambi: Now I’m hearing voices.
Jeannie: It’s really good of you to try and help me.
Bambi: You know how people sometimes die after they retire? “Not having a meaningful plotline” has that effect around here.
Jeannie: I’m a little worried that my skin is gonna be blue.
Good news! Nothing so interesting.
Jeannie: Hey, 2013 thinks I’m cool.
Grugly2013: Enh, starting to have second thoughts.
Bambi: Who wants blandbread?
This game has such a profoundly sensitive portrayal of mental illness, don’t you think?
Grugly2013: Too bad it doesn’t have a portrayal of OCD.
It has complex house design systems. It has a metaportrayal of OCD.
Grugly2013: Wait, are you only talking to me because otherwise you’d be trying to find captions for a second toilet-cleaning scene in as many chapters?
Yes, and I’m including this rare example of screenshotting the camera flash so I can continue to mock Grugly2008.
Grugly2008: Good times.
I think the final shot of the entire series will need to be someone on the toilet.
It’s a goddamn motif at this point.
Grugly2008: So, what’s 2013 like?
Grugly2013: Boring and lonely.
Grugly2008: WHAT A COINCIDENCE
Grugly2013: What’s 2021 like?
This is gonna blow your mind.
Jeannie: ONE SYMPATHIZES
So, presumably you were doing this rather than working on your PhD.
Grugly2013: I’m not good with long-term goals.
Hence why we’re still struggling to get through these thousand chapters after eleven years.
Wait, you were actually still finishing your MA. I just found an email you were drafting yesterday.
Grugly2013: Oh, christ, he found his backups.
Bambi: Hey, is my backup there?
Oh my god, you’re still drafting the email tomorrow.
Grugly2013: Awesome! You just told me I can take today off, basically.
Grugly2007: It sounds like we need to learn some discipline.
Grugly2008: I’ll think about it.
Grugly2013: I’ll think about it.
I’ll think about it.
Bambi: So, my technique is threefold: feed you, talk to you, and if all else fails, get someone to fuck you.
Jeannie: That totally sounds like a legitimate course of therapy, yes.
Jeannie: Have you tried pouring carbonated beverages on people’s brains, to see if the pop fizz gets the neurons firing?
Bambi: I have not had direct access to anyone’s brains.
Bambi: I could see if one of the local serial killers are game, if you’d like.
Bambi: But they use axes, rather than spatulas.
Jeannie: Yeah, whatever.
Jeannie: I’m boring, lady. I either get killed now, or I get killed when 2013 realizes how boring I am.
Grugly2013: The timeline on that is advancing faster than I expected.
Jeannie: You sure do have a lot of buyer’s remorse, dude.
It’s the lack of impulse control.
Grugly2008: On a related note, I ran out of money twice this year.
Bambi: Getting a little sick of this pantheon of one.
Jeannie: Could be worse, we could be stuck on some disintegrating storage CD.
Jeannie: If literal annihilation is the alternative, I’ll take axes and zombies and courthouse bombs any day.
Bambi: Personally, I think I’ll get shot.
Bambi: My name is “Bambi.”
I’d be more worried about your mom, then.
Bambi: I don’t have a mom.
And that doesn’t worry you?
Bambi: The point is, Jeannie, we’re all gonna die eventually. We might as well fuck around while we’re still alive.
The premise of Game of Thrones, distilled.
Jeannie: It’s actually called A So—
YES, I KNOW
Jeannie: You just made me say “ah so.”
Grugly2008: That’s racist.
Grugly2013: Oh no, we become racist!
Jeannie: I mean, is it racist, though?
No, it’s a real thing they say in Japan that gets overused in racial caricatures.
Jeannie: So, it is racist.
Yes, but I’m not racist for making the joke, because it’s a joke about racists.
Bambi: Are you racist for lingering on the explanation?
No, that’s just me not being funny.
Bambi: What a fascinating story to stab into my book.
Isn’t it cute when your pets wink at you?
Grugly2013: Wow, she’s really boring.
Yeah, thanks for inviting her in.
Grugly2013: A house this big, I thought it could accommodate at least one stray.
A house this big, and not one character in it.
The bread has more human interest.
Jeannie: Does that make me a cannibal?
Jeannie: I just drowned the bread crumbs. Does that make me Phil Collins?
That’s an interior window.
Jeannie: Interior windows fill me with awe, okay?
Thank god there’s still some things that can fill me with awe.
For a moment I hoped this was the first in a series of time-is-passing images.
Turns out it was just lazy and pointless.
Nick: You talking about me?
Nick: If not, you should be.
Grugly2013: Yeah, I don’t know why I bothered with this.
The reader is probably having the same thoughts.
Jeannie: WAIT, I HAVE A GREAT IDEA
I’ll be sure to implement it in Chapter 641.
Jeannie: SIX FORTY-ONE?!
Bambi: That soon?
Bambi: I hope it’s the roof-falling-in thing.
Jeannie: I hope it’s the brain thing.
Next time: a wedding thing.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 29 May 2013 to 30 May 2013.