Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
All naked fake people/fake people having fake sex are 18+ and consenting.
In which hard time is pretty easy.
Makes me laugh every time.
This is new, but it also makes me laugh.
Pictured: proof that I don’t know what to do with these people anymore.
Grugly2013: We could just, y’know, look at them.
Only when they’re doing stupid shit like this, thanks.
Laci: Oh, hey, I walked a kilometre outdoors in the nude, and I’m only just now noticing.
Victor: And we thank you for your service, officer.
Victor: By all means take your time correcting it, corrections officer.
Victor: Man, who do I have to kill to get into your jail/pants?
Laci: Did I hear that as jail-slash-pants, or jailpants?
Doesn’t matter, your uniform has a skirt.
Michael: My uniform doesn’t even have shoes.
Michael: So this is what “hard time” is like.
Laci: I could go for another hard time right about now.
Laci: But we’ve lost the hardest time of all!
Oh, thank fuck.
Grugly2013: What did you call me?
Michael: Hey hot stuff, new look?
Laci: The latest from 2010.
Laci: .oO(Oh god, I have a type.)
Michael: .oO(She’d better not be thinking I look like Alvin.)
Michael: .oO(Actually fuck it, I’ll take what I can get.)
Why didn’t it occur to me to use thoughts when their mouths aren’t moving before?
Grugly2013: Because so far your thought captions have sucked?
Laci: .oO(Fuck it.)
Laci: Wanna give me another bad rap?
Michael: Wait, was it bad?
Laci: Metaphors only stretch so far.
Michael: Got anything stretchier?
Laci: Hey man, I was just listening to your doppelganger make a vagina-stretching joke and I thought hey, at least Alvin doesn’t do that.
Laci: Wanna come over to my/the taxpayers’ place?
Michael: *gasp* What is it?!
Laci: No man knows.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: MAN she looks like she’d be cute up close, from a distance!
Laci: Wish I could say the same about you.
Laci: These bricks are actually just a texture.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Wild.
Laci: Also I fucked a prisoner last night!
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Wilder!
Michael: We could save a lot of money if we stop heating the floors and just give the prisoners socks.
Michael: How is that wildest?
Extra spending is justified if it means stripping more dignity from prisoners, obviously. What kind of Simerican are you?
Michael: What’s up with your face texture?
Karina: It’s an incentive for you to get behind me.
Michael: But your chest looks like it would be neat.
Karina: It’s the clothes doing that.
Michael: Aren’t you my lawyer? Shouldn’t we be talking law things?
Karina: Oh, law-wise, you’re totally fucked.
Michael: In that case, might as well get holistically fucked.
What are you doing here? I was gonna have one or the other of them say “hey baby, wanna [get fucked in your/fuck my] holistics” but you ruined it.
Ally: You could have just moved this pic.
Ally: Or not used it at all.
Karina: Hey baby, wanna fuck my holistics?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: TOO REPETITIVE
Laci: We do a little booing.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Will you be my boo?
Karina: I get the sense the Maker is not entirely invested in this chapter.
Michael: You’re getting that sense because you’re the reason.
I think it’s all of you, actually.
Michael: Let’s give him something to talk about.
Karina: How about fuck?
Grugly2013: How about symmetry?
Laci: How about sodomy?
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: What?
Laci: Your angle’s off.
Michael: Does this thing come off?
Karina: Probably take a little skin with it, but yeah.
Karina: Skin me, baby.
Michael: One more time?
♪ People are fuckin’ ♪
♪ Fuckin’ with people ♪
♪ I hear ’em fuckin’ ♪
♪ You won’t believe it ♪
♪ They say we’re fuckers ♪
♪ And all uncovered ♪
♪ I’ll just keep filmin’ ♪
♪ And they’ll keep fuckin’ ♪
♪ They fuck just a little too long ♪
♪ Fuck just a little too hard ♪
♪ They stand just a little too weird ♪
♪ I guess she’s leavin’ ♪
♪ I should stop singin’ ♪
♪ Now she’s got somethin’ to think about ♪
Karina: Somethin’ to think about.
♪ A legal issue to wrangle out ♪
Karina: Somethin’ to think about.
♪ Now she’s got somethin’ to think about, and it’s disbarment ♪
Karina: Whoah, ooh oh?
Laci: Was it good for you?
I could keep going.
Grugly2013: Morally, though?
Not very dang much of this is moral.
Michael: So why should any of it be?
Laci: You make a good point.
Michael: My good point is all yours, baby.
Laci: Your life seems to have improved since going to prison.
Michael: Don’t flatter yourself.
Laci: I mean, I wasn’t gonna? That’s your job.
Michael: No fair taking advantage of how much I love jobs.
Michael: In fact—
Laci: Nah, I just gave Alvin one.
Michael: FUCK THAT THOUGHT AWAY
Laci: BET YOU’RE GLAD OUR FLUIDS ARE IMAGINARY
Michael: Yeah, I certainly can’t stop imagining them.
Laci: I used to be a prison guard, and then I took a desk through the knee.
Laci: Wayyyyyyy through.
Michael: That was fun.
Laci: Take your word for it.
Michael: Hide how my ponytail clips through my back.
Laci: Anything for you, hon.
Michael: This is probably not the right time or place for this.
Michael: I’ve been thinking about you every day today!
Michael: Will you marry me?
Laci: CAN I EVEN?
Laci: Fuck it, let’s find out.
Michael: Marriage! It means fuck-all around here.
Laci: You’re just trying to deepen that precedent.
Michael: It’s been a day for going deep.
Laci: I used to be married to the warden, you know.
Michael: What was that like?
Laci: Like five hundred and seventy chapters ago.
Laci: This story is so badly paced.
And only barely a story!
Grugly2013: I’ll get around to it eventually.
Michael: How would you rate my penis?
Michael: Interesting. Out of a possible ten, how would you rank my sexual performance?
Laci: With ten being William? You don’t want to know.
Michael: Have you fucked William?
Laci: I don’t remember, but probably.
Ally: Good rule of thumb.
Next time: going postal.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 29 May 2013.