Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
All naked fake people/fake people having fake sex are 18+ and consenting.
In which vows *snrrrrk* are made.
Dagmar: Don’t get snrrrrky with me.
Well, it’s kinda hard to take you seriously right now.
Neil: Since you put it that nudely, I’ll be right over!
Neil: You didn’t have to get dressed, I would’ve barged right in.
Neil: Oh, hey, are we shooting a Suits revival?
Is Suits off the air?
Does anyone know anything about Suits?
If you do, don’t tell me.
Dagmar: I know suits look good on coots.
Bill: I’m not a coot.
Venkat: She was pointing at me so I co-opted the compliment.
Venkat: Ever use a big ol’ vacuum, sonny?
Neil: What is happening.
Sure looks like a wed—
Neil: I WILL ACCEPT ANY AND ALL ALTERNATIVE EXPLANATIONS
Dagmar: We’ll always be friends, William.
William: I’d rather be buddies.
William: By which I mean f—
Dagmar: Yeah, I got it, cool.
William: If you got it, how ’bout getting it?
Dagmar: I’m about to marry your father.
William: So let me fuck your mind off that terrible fate for a moment.
Dagmar: You can’t just substitute “fuck” into a sentence and make it about sex.
Like fuck we can’t.
Dagmar: I accept your f’buddies proposal.
Sullivan: Wedding’s cancelled, ate everybody.
Neil: If only.
Dagmar: It’s time.
William: For us to f—
Dagmar: You’re only doing this so I have to kiss you into shutting up.
William: Ooh, rich kiss!
Whoever the Fuck: Dead prostitutes.
William: Happy wedding to you, too?
William: Who the hell are these people?
Neil: I dunno, who are you, old man?
William: Any of you dapper diaper Dans need to use the can before we start?
Dagmar: You clean up nicely.
Neil: And I dirty up nastily!
Dagmar: He freaks me out.
Sullivan: Thank you!
William: I don’t know what you’re thinking, but our government doesn’t run on Klingon promotion rules.
Do you, Neil Colin Sharpe—
Dagmar: Ooh, lore!
—take this woman to be the chick you’ll probably be cheating on?
Neil: I’ll see your “probably” and raise you a “definitely”!
Sullivan: My stranglin’ hand’s all strangled out.
Venkat: Aw, dang.
Do you, Dagmar “Jennie” Barrett—
Neil: Ooh, obscure references!
—take this sorry excuse for a sentient being to be, in fact, a man?
Dagmar: Provisionally at best!
Dagmar: Got a shackle for you, warden.
Neil: I’m willing to be chained so long as the chains are golden.
Neil: Now wear this finger trap.
Dagmar: What was… your wedding headline looked…
Neil: You must need glasses.
Venkat: Wow, Sullivan, are you clapping?
Sullivan: What? No, I’m crushing a baby squirrel.
William: Dream on.
Bill: Hey, she’s explicit proof that townies can become playable!
William: Hot, female townies.
Bill: She’s not hot, that’s just our Chemistry talking.
She’s pretty hot.
You may now suffocate the bride.
Dagmar: That’s one way to get at my money.
William: Hey, congrats! Whichever one of you thinks something good just happened.
Sullivan: I’m so happy I could subsume this chair!
Dagmar: For the last time, no!
Sullivan: But why? Bodies make perfectly good insulation, and I need to dispose of them somewhere!
Dagmar: You can’t be half as creepy as you pretend to be.
Sullivan: You’re only saying that because you like to sleep at night.
Bill: Anybody want some blurry somethings?
Sullivan: What say we take this place apart?
Venkat: What say I cue you in the balls?
Venkat: Oh, hey, I wanted to talk to you about a revolutionary new graveyard concept I’ve been kicking around.
Venkat: It’s like she’d heard a much, more worse proposal just moments prior, or something!
Sullivan: I should hope the cheque is in the mail.
Dagmar: On that conceptual note, bye.
Dagmar: Please don’t pee on me.
Bill: Please don’t shit on me.
Did you at least cut a hole first?
Neil: I feel like we should talk.
William: What, like, in general? Because we’re protagonists?
Neil: I’m not, but you are. You put the “pro” in “protagonist.” You grew up alright, son. Considering your genetics.
William: Aw, geez, thanks dad! I couldn’t have done it without your genetics to overcome.
William: Or the big dick I got from them.
Neil: Let’s not talk about our dicks.
William: Yeah, let’s awkwardly bump them together instead.
William: Like a family.
Neil: Tolerate a family.
Neil: Also, hey, congrats on getting married to—
William: THAT BITCH
Neil: Yeah! That bitch!
William: Hey, thanks!
Next time: we’re still here, apparently?
This chapter depicts gameplay from 29 May 2013.