The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 571

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Updates whenever I damn well please!

Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
All naked fake people/fake people having fake sex are 18+ and consenting.

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In which vows *snrrrrk* are made.

Dagmar: Don’t get snrrrrky with me.

Well, it’s kinda hard to take you seriously right now.

Neil: Since you put it that nudely, I’ll be right over!

Neil: You didn’t have to get dressed, I would’ve barged right in.

Neil: You.

Neil: Oh, hey, are we shooting a Suits revival?

Is Suits off the air?

Does anyone know anything about Suits?

If you do, don’t tell me.

Dagmar: I know suits look good on coots.

Bill: I’m not a coot.
Venkat: She was pointing at me so I co-opted the compliment.

Venkat: Ever use a big ol’ vacuum, sonny?

Neil: What is happening.

Sure looks like a wed—

Neil: I WILL ACCEPT ANY AND ALL ALTERNATIVE EXPLANATIONS

Dagmar: We’ll always be friends, William.
William: I’d rather be buddies.

Dagmar: Cool.
William: By which I mean f—
Dagmar: Yeah, I got it, cool.

William: If you got it, how ’bout getting it?

Dagmar: I’m about to marry your father.
William: So let me fuck your mind off that terrible fate for a moment.

Dagmar: You can’t just substitute “fuck” into a sentence and make it about sex.

Like fuck we can’t.

Dagmar: I accept your f’buddies proposal.

Sullivan: Wedding’s cancelled, ate everybody.

Neil: If only.

Dagmar: It’s time.
William: For us to f—
Dagmar: You’re only doing this so I have to kiss you into shutting up.

William: Ayup.

William: Ooh, rich kiss!

Bill: Prostitutes.
Whoever the Fuck: Dead prostitutes.
William: Happy wedding to you, too?

William: Who the hell are these people?
Neil: I dunno, who are you, old man?

William: Any of you dapper diaper Dans need to use the can before we start?

Dagmar: You clean up nicely.
Neil: And I dirty up nastily!

Dagmar: He freaks me out.
Sullivan: Thank you!

William: I don’t know what you’re thinking, but our government doesn’t run on Klingon promotion rules.

Do you, Neil Colin Sharpe—

Dagmar: Ooh, lore!

—take this woman to be the chick you’ll probably be cheating on?

Neil: I’ll see your “probably” and raise you a “definitely”!

Sullivan: My stranglin’ hand’s all strangled out.
Venkat: Aw, dang.

Hi.

William: Hi.

Do you, Dagmar “Jennie” Barrett—

Neil: Ooh, obscure references!

—take this sorry excuse for a sentient being to be, in fact, a man?

Dagmar: Provisionally at best!

Dagmar: Got a shackle for you, warden.

Neil: I’m willing to be chained so long as the chains are golden.

Neil: Now wear this finger trap.

Dagmar: What was… your wedding headline looked…
Neil: You must need glasses.

Venkat: Wow, Sullivan, are you clapping?
Sullivan: What? No, I’m crushing a baby squirrel.

William: Dream on.
Bill: Hey, she’s explicit proof that townies can become playable!
William: Hot, female townies.

Bill: She’s not hot, that’s just our Chemistry talking.

She’s pretty hot.

You may now suffocate the bride.

Dagmar: That’s one way to get at my money.

William: Hey, congrats! Whichever one of you thinks something good just happened.

Sullivan: I’m so happy I could subsume this chair!

Dagmar: For the last time, no!
Sullivan: But why? Bodies make perfectly good insulation, and I need to dispose of them somewhere!

Dagmar: You can’t be half as creepy as you pretend to be.
Sullivan: You’re only saying that because you like to sleep at night.

Bill: Anybody want some blurry somethings?

Sullivan: What say we take this place apart?
Venkat: What say I cue you in the balls?

Venkat: Oh, hey, I wanted to talk to you about a revolutionary new graveyard concept I’ve been kicking around.

Venkat: It’s like she’d heard a much, more worse proposal just moments prior, or something!
Sullivan: I should hope the cheque is in the mail.

Dagmar: On that conceptual note, bye.

Dagmar: Please don’t pee on me.

Bill: Please don’t shit on me.

Did you at least cut a hole first?

Neil: I feel like we should talk.
William: What, like, in general? Because we’re protagonists?

Neil: I’m not, but you are. You put the “pro” in “protagonist.” You grew up alright, son. Considering your genetics.

William: Aw, geez, thanks dad! I couldn’t have done it without your genetics to overcome.

William: Or the big dick I got from them.

Neil: Let’s not talk about our dicks.
William: Yeah, let’s awkwardly bump them together instead.

William: Like a family.

Neil: Tolerate a family.

Neil: Also, hey, congrats on getting married to—
William: THAT BITCH

Neil: Yeah! That bitch!
William: Hey, thanks!

Next time: we’re still here, apparently?

This chapter depicts gameplay from 29 May 2013.

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