Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Updates whenever I damn well please!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.
All naked fake people/fake people having fake sex are 18+ and consenting.
In which of course 569 is at the brothel.
…what are you staring at? Yes, hello, it’s me.
Richard: Is there something wrong with you?
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: My head is FILLED with loveliness!
Richard: So, brain cancer then?
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Let me speak softly into your lips.
Richard: Weird, but okay.
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Is this what you normies call fucking?
One of you doesn’t look like you should be coming in via the client entrance.
Richard: Why are you buying a ticket? You should be selling them.
Ember: You really think I could make it as a prostitute?
Richard: I believe in you, baby.
Ember: I dunno, I’ve never thought of myself as a professional before.
Ember: Or maybe I have! My mind was wiped, after all.
Ember: What if I’m not sexy enough?
Richard: Then the word has lost all meaning.
Richard: Look, you’re glowing! Is Dance your One True Hobby?
Ember: No, receiving compliments is.
Grugly Prime: It’s a popular hobby.
Victor: This is the best depressing stab-alley I’ve ever seen!
Grugly Prime: Oh yeah baby, ultra-softcore that shit.
Victor: EX- PRESIDENT IMPRESSION
Lyndsey Price the Witch: NOT ALLOWED
Victor: Is everyone here a basket case?
Lyndsey Price the Witch: At this point most of the cases are closed.
Alvin: I NEED TO WRITE ABOUT THE WORDPLAY IN MY REVIEW
Richard: I don’t think that’s the most important play on offer, here.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: It’s not an offer, it’s a promise.
Victor: The promised vag.
Richard: I DON’T KNOW WHICH ONE OF YOU TO FUCK
Lyndsey Price the Witch: He can’t fuck me if you’re fucking me.
Victor: I’ve seen videos proving otherwise.
Ember: Are we mischaracterizing the pimp/sex worker relationship, here?
Richard: I think it’s just part and parcel of our general mischaracterization of everything, honestly.
From what I understand, this right here isn’t a bad depiction of life as a sex worker: blowjob-punctuated boredom.
Victor: But you’re missing the social history aspects (sex as work, sex work as a survival tactic, bonding between sex workers) and the social justice aspects (violence inherent in the sex industry, state violence inherent in policing of the sex industry) as well! For shame.
Richard: He’s really nailing the blowjobs, though.
Wait’ll you see the nailing.
Ember: That WAS the nailing.
Alvin: My fetish is going unsated.
Ember: I’m sorry, how can I help?
Alvin: No, I mean… going unsated is my fetish.
Alvin: Yeah, kinda cliché for a brothel isn’t it?
Ember: Let’s lean into it.
Ember: This is where you lean into me.
Ember: I have procured the traditional scents.
Ember: I’m glad stabbing your own hand gets you horny.
Alvin: Yeah, I have two bad fetishes.
Alvin: I’m gonna go attack someone with this.
Lyndsey: And yet another gimmicky serial killer is born.
Lyndsey: We keep repeating the same stuff. We still haven’t had aliens, you know.
Victor: Maybe they read the Chronicles, so they know to stay away.
Lyndsey: So hey, you wanna—
Lyndsey: …I didn’t even get t—
Lyndsey: I like a man who nos what he wants.
Lyndsey: Alright, indulge my you-getting-the-fuck-out-of-here fetish.
Victor: Luckily I have that too.
Emmy: Do you think I’m plain?
Richard: I mean, in this company…
Richard: So hey, sparkletits.
Richard: Watch me dick this dude.
Margaret: I hear they got dude-dicking in there.
Richard: Watch this dude squash my skull.
Richard: And snap my neck.
Richard: Get outta here, dude, you’re not getting a line.
Richard: You, though, I will give a line to any time.
Richard: I was talking about my dick.
Margaret: KIERA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE HOUSE OF DICK TALK?!
Lyndsey: Ohhh, you want to be a character? That is funny.
Richard: Does the carpet sparkle match the drape sparkle?
Margaret: We’re leaving.
Kiera: But they’re so friendly!
Kiera: And he’s so tense!
Richard: While you’re already massaging…
Richard: Wanna work on a muscle that tells you when it’s satisfied?
Richard: So close.
Kiera: What do I owe you for that one?
Richard: This is sufficient recompense.
Richard: I become loquacious when aroused.
Lyndsey: I’d say “get a room,” but there aren’t enough pics left.
Lyndsey: That was me saying “cut it out,” if we’re not clear.
Lyndsey: We weren’t clear.
Kiera: You run a fine establishment, my dude!
Richard: Don’t remind me this is work.
Kiera: You’re in the service industry!
Richard: Don’t cheapen what we had together! Make it more expensive.
Kiera: Yeah baby, kiss my statistically most filthy parts.
Evelyn: I, uh, don’t think this is what you think this is.
Kiera: I have no vagina.
Richard: My memories beg to differ.
Veronica: Hey bro, what’s up?
Richard: I do not want to tell you.
Kiera: Isn’t that sweet?
In a Sharpe sort of way, I guess.
Ian: These 3-D soap operas are tight.
Ember: Know what else is?
Lyndsey: She can’t possibly be.
Richard: I’m willing to find out!
Next time: physical interaction out of doors, and other things I only barely remember.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 10 May 2013.