The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 568

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In which, regrettably, there is zero sixty-nine.

Ian: You couldn’t’ve told me that before I bought a ticket?

Ian: Also hey, maybe don’t teleport.

Ian: I accept your apology.

Ian: So I Married a Teleporter.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: 1) You don’t call a person a “teleporter,” and 2) We are NOT getting married.

Lyndsey Price the Witch: You think I’d marry a guy with a face template?

Lyndsey Price the Witch: Face template guys are for FUCKING.

Ian: It’s a hard life.

Lyndsey Price the Witch: This isn’t fucking.

Ian: No, it’s fucking fun!

Lyndsey Price the Witch: Fucking is more fun.

Brandi: I think it moved.
Mason: I think it spoke!

Lyndsey Price the Witch: Would you like to partake of the services you’ve purchased, now?
Ian: I thought we could just talk.
Lyndsey Price the Witch: Not for THAT ticket price, we can’t!

What is the ticket price, anyway?

Bill: I dunno! My money’s not real.

Mason: Hugs?
Bill: NO!

Lyndsey Price the Witch: The fuck are you doing?
Ian: Playing house!

Lyndsey Price the Witch: Sure, it’s your ticket, do what you want with it.

Lyndsey Price the Witch: Meanwhile I’m gonna shove this envelope up my ass, where it will DISAPPEAR.

Still haven’t figured out how to keep these without bugging the game.

Ian: The game is hard enough when it’s working properly.

Lyndsey Price the Witch: Would you like to be hard enough, and work me properly?

Richard: Can I buy a ticket?

Gruglette Prime: Hugs?
Mason: NO!

Mason: Hugs?
Gruglette Prime: NO!

Pictured: a brothel.

The morality squad is gonna come down hard on you folks.

Ian: Today’s word is apparently “hard.”
Chelsea: It’s one of my favourites.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I’ve always wanted to go to a brothel! That’s where brothers come from, right?

Lyndsey Price the Witch: You’re naked.
Ian: It’s good to have confirmation.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: So, what do you do here, exactly?
Richard: I really wouldn’t enjoy describing it exactly.

Richard: Let’s just say, to put it euphemistically, we fuck.

Ian: That’s a euphemism?
Lyndsey Price the Witch: You’re a goofemism.

Ian: I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A GOOFEMISM

Lyndsey Price the Witch: I’m a goofeminist.

Lyndsey Price the Witch: That’s a feminist who sometimes likes goofs.

Are we scouting this place out for a downtown Hogwarts campus, or something?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Don’t ruin your sexy scenes with Hogwarts references.

Yeah, thanks for being a complete and utter douchetool, Joanne.

Lyndsey Price the Witch: Let me know how the movie ends.

Ian: I hope it’s a happy ending.

Lyndsey Price the Witch: MY end is certainly happy!

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: Where’s Lyndsey?
Richard: Getting her end away.

Lyndsey Price the Witch: That’s British.

Ian: Neat.

Richard: Want me to show you what services we provide?
Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: Yes! Do you have a brochure?

Richard: A girl I know drowned in piss the other day.

Richard: I’m just setting the mood, y’know?

Lyndsey Price the Witch: He’s a real charmer.

Kiera Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Witch: I’m real charmed!

Wait, when did you dye your hair?

Grugly2013: During the gigantic swathe of pics you cut so it would look like he carried her right in here to have sex!

Grugly2013: I did a lot of work to get their Turn-Ons oriented so they could build up enough relationship, and you threw it all right out the window!

Alternatively you never intended for me to use those pics, and wanted the transition to work out the way I worked it out, and now you’re wrecking it.

Grugly2013: CHARACTERIZE ME MORE CONSISTENTLY, WOULD YOU

Grugly2006: At least he’s not ruining your characters.

Ian: Sex is confusing!

Lyndsey Price the Witch: Confusion is sexy!

BEING CAUGHT UP IS SEXY!

Except I’m not caught up. I was when I wrote this, though, so… yay?

Next time: pointless nudity.

Except I guess nudity is its own point?

Who am I kidding, that’s not a guess.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 10 May 2013.

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