The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 565

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In which I continue, reluctantly, to work under the assumption that Generation 3 will some day be taking over.

Leonard: What a terrible fucking assumption.

Stewart: The fucking will NOT be terrible!

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: It will if you’re involved.

Stewart: …what’s the technical term for this?

Potemkin Village.

Barbara: Is there a reason you’re involving me in your wardrobe swirling?

Stewart: So, good news everybody! We’re standing at the edge of the known universe.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I fuckin’ hate that hair.

Leonard: Who just kicked me in the ass?
Stewart: Your CONSCIENCE!
Leonard: My conscience wears steel-toed boots?!

Leonard: Gimme a sec, I’m gonna make out with these curtains.

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: What’s going on out here?
Leonard: Bugs, mostly.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: He’s a bug, sure, but he’s my bug.

Stewart: That’s not what they were referring to.
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I know, but I couldn’t pass up the chance to insult-compliment you.

Stewart: DON’T YOU FUCK HER
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: DON’T YOU DARE FUCK HER

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: He’s fucking her.

Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Sounds like he’s fucking her good, at least!

Stewart: WE HAVE DISTENSION!
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: I have that too.

Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Nothin’ like a good fuckin’!
Stewart: Enough to make a guy wish his mom hadn’t given him family ties with her clone!
Barbara: …what?

Wander Murphy the Witch: Yeah, what?
Margaret Wolosenko-Murphy the Infallibly Good Warlock: Isn’t he precious when he’s gross?!

Leonard: I fucked her!
Stewart: It’s been noticed.

Sullivan: MAKE HATE TO ME
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: …yeah, sure, okay!

Sullivan: Ignite my coal-black heart!
Beatriz Young the Nice Witch: Oh!
Sullivan: That it might burn entirely to naught.

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: I bought me some giant shirts!

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: We can use them as picnic blankets.

Leonard: Or to clothe our giants! If, y’know, we adopt any.
Barbara: I think I could take a giant.

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: I think I could take a giant pen-
Leonard: Six inches.
Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: DAMMIT

Sullivan: Also six inches, but I use them nasty.

Sullivan: Hide your shame.


Andrea: You hit me!
William: My dad taught your mom how to fight. Now it’s my turn!
Andrea: Grampa hit mom?!
William: Hahaha, no, she would’ve split him in half.

William: Now you try.
Andrea: Splitting you in half?
William: I mean, sure! If you can manage it.

William: Bit more follow-through would be good, if you’re aiming for half-splitting.

Andrea: I don’t want to hurt you.
William: That makes you the only one.

William: The impact effect of badass facial expressions is negligible, Andrea.

William: I SWOON CORRECTED

Andrea: Did I do it?
William: Yep! It’s broken.

William: Where’d you learn to throw a punch like that?!
Andrea: Genetic memory?
William: Where’d you learn to pseudoscience like that?!
Andrea: Video games?

Andrea: If you think about it, I learned everything from video games.

Andrea: Not that you think about things.
William: I try not to.

Confidence: Things have a way of thinking about you, though.

Confidence: Not that this thing can think yet, mind you.

Confidence: I hope.

Confidence: Hey, frownface.

Uma: WE ALL FROWN DOWN HERE

Victor: WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT

Victor: IS THIS A GAME TO YOU, CONFIDENCE? IS THIS SOME KIND OF CONFIDENCE GAME?!

Confidence: Welp! We went almost ten years without making a direct this-is-a-game reference.

I’ll turn the lights off on my way out.

Nick: Turn the lights off now, and I’ll take my housecoat off.

Victor: Congrats on the evil girlfriend!
Confidence: Flattery will get your everywhere.

Victor: Don’t turn around.
Confidence: Oh-oh-oh!

I’m not blowing “Der Kommissar” on this one.

Valerie: I’m up for blowing.

Victor: Can you teach me how to fight, strange fat lady?
Confidence: I learned from the second-best! He was the best at the time.

Samantha: So, is this where the orientation’s happening?

Victor: I’m already pretty clear about my orientation.

Nick: Things are about to get a whole lot messier.

Nick: How could you do this to me?
Uma: It might have something to do with the impossibility of keeping all these fucking relationships in perspective at all times?

Uma: Also I’m a big slut.
Nick: No, I think the first explanation is better.

Nick: YA BIG SLUT

Nick: Yeah, that’s right, get down in the dirt where y’all belong.

Valerie: DIRT?!
Nick: Okay, yeah, no, there’s no dirt. Fuckin’ maids.

Nick: Fuckin’ FUCKERS!

Victor: Now pull the drawstring!

Valerie: Don’t me so mean to that big slut.

Nick: WHICH ONE

Next time: slap slap, no kiss.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 10 May 2013.

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