The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 564

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In which geez, I guess anybody can get their own chapter now.

Nick: Stop imitating me.
Penny: KEEP IMITATING HIM

William: It’s the bad habits they need to stop imitating.

William: Wait, what am I talking about?

William: Live without bad habits isn’t worth living.

William Jr.: Is your refrigerator running? Then there might be a witch in your community.

Uma: There’s certainly one in ours!

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: NEILA CHAPTER!
Grugly2013: Why? No!

Valerie: SHORT chapter, I’m guessing.

Nick: Many teenage women find me irresistible.
Penny: That averages out to no adults, though.

Chief: .oO(If you’re expecting me to fetch that, you’re out of your fucking mind.)

William Jr.: Hi, new mom! There’s still room on the wall for your posthumous portrait!


Only seventy pics, and she’s making me waste time with location cards.

And randos.

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I’m not a rando.

That’s such a rando thing to say.

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: But his flaws are very specific.

Emerson: Oh NOW you tell me.

Emerson: SURE, SURE, EVERYONE HAS THE HOTS FOR TAKEN EMERSON

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: You were in Taken?!

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: I’m awfully taken with you.

cratch


Penny: Our world is melting.

William Jr.: FIX IT.


YES COOL MORE TITLE CARDS

AWESOME

Speaking of awesome…

Mason: I don’t know who I was fooling, with those sandstone boxers.

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: Sorry I almost stole your boyfriend.
Barbara: What happens in crashed timelines stays in crashed timelines.

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: Can I steal you?

Ian: You can steal her for me.

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: Actually, there’s no price point at which you’d be a steal.

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: If he were a catch, I’d throw him back.


Penny: So, how do you feel about me joining your family?
William Jr.: Oh! Is that what this is?

Penny: …if it’s not a family, what would you call it?
William Jr.: A social experiment?

Victor: I think we’re a social experiment.
Nick: Gone horribly wrong, or horribly right?
Victor: Yes.

Victor: Hey, you know nobody?
Nick: Plural!

Victor: They pissed themselves.
Nick: They sure do do that!
Victor: No, not do-do, pee-pee.

Victor: Fuckin’ self-pissers.

Nick: What a world.

Victor: Let’s kill ’em all.

William Jr.: We need some new blood in this household. Not necessarily moving in, to be clear: just bleeding.

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: Well, that’s a bleeding good haircut.

Remind me to get rid of your magic acne.

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: Hey, wanna rub my sparkles off?

William: Did someone say something about rubbing off Captain Sparkles? He’s all excited now.


Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: Leonard! Leonard’s dad.
Stephen: Leonard’s mad dad!

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: What’s he mad about?
Leonard: He’s just generally mad.

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: We’re generally all generally mad here.

Dylan: YES.

Leonard: Is it safe to come in?
Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: It was safe for me…

Leonard: OH NO, IT’S NOT SAFE TO STAY OUT

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: Jack!
Jack: Character!

Stephen: I’m a character, too!
Leonard: Sometimes he tells people he’s a doctor.

Leonard: Kelsey beat the shit out of me.
Dylan: My name is Dylan, and I’m gonna fuck your dad.

Leonard: More like diddlin’.
Stewart: NO
Leonard: Or daddlin’!

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: NO
Kelsey: Have you NO shame?!

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: Hey, quick question, did you fuck your aunt?
Leonard: Technically, in those terms, no.

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: I don’t wanna date no aunt-fucker.
Leonard: It’s good to set realistic goals.

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: I also don’t wanna fuck no death wizard.
Leonard: Yeah, he’s probably gonna fuck us first.

Leonard: Why are you making that face?
Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: Because of what I’m about to do with it.

Leonard: I understand.

Neil: I don’t.
Stewart: NEITHER DO I
Dylan: NEITHER DO I
Stephen: Wait, how am I here?

Leonard: I ask myself that all the time.

Leonard: Also people ask meffffmmph.

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: Who’s meffffmmph?
Leonard: Nobody’s ever asked me that before.

Leonard: Nobody’s ever most things’d me before.
Stephen: I FEEL THAT FEEL
Stewart: I own that feel.

Leonard: I own this person.
Stewart: IXNAY ON THE AVERYSLAY

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: Yeah, person-owning isn’t very romantic.
Leonard: Then how do you explain the lyrics to “Wonderful! Wonderful!”?

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: I don’t even know what that is.
Leonard: Neither do I, but he FUCKIN’ made me say it!

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: Is there anyone in your family who doesn’t like redheads?
Leonard: Yeah, my mom.

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: Are there any redheads you don’t like?

Yeah, some of the real-world ones are pretty meh.

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: Speaking of pretty meh.
Leonard: Walking into this doorframe makes me smell fried eggs!

Leonard: Speaking of eggs…
Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: Can we not?

Neila Sharpe the Nice Witch: Actually, can we not any of this.

That we can’t!

Next time: lifestyles of the rich and lazy.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 10 May 2013.

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