The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 563

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In which figures a bed.

Emerson: I figured as much.

Barbara: Should I compliment your figure? ‘cuz I can’t compliment your décor.

Emerson: You could just close your eyes.
Barbara: Never a bad idea around a strangler!

Emerson: Did you mean “stranger”?
Barbara: You did just try to strangle me.

Emerson: I was trying to give you a back RUH-UH-UHB
Barbara: Wha-a-at?

Emerson: You’re in your underwear.
Barbara: Um, yeah? I’m stealing your ladyclothes.

Barbara: Which you have for some reason.
Emerson: THIS IS THE REASON

Emerson: Can I pick something out for you?
Barbara: No, but you can give me some money.

Emerson: Never mind, you picked something out for me.

Barbara: So, I figure this is the bed?

Barbara: Where are you gonna sleep?

Emerson: .oO(With you?)

Mallory: There someone having fun I can interrupt?

Barbara: Very much so.

Barbara: Man! This is awkward.
Emerson: If this is awkward, I hope we stay teenagers forever!

Barbara: Bring that gangly ass down here.

Emerson: I’m making out with a girl!
Barbara: No! You’re missing out on making out with a girl, in favour of talking to the wall!

Emerson: I can’t believe this is happening.
Barbara: I can’t believe this is all that’s happening.

Barbara: You are the most awkward thing of all time.
Emerson: Hey, at least I’m a thing.

Emerson: LET’S PUT OUR THINGS TOGETHER

Emerson: How did you end up on top?!
Barbara: I think you’ll find I always will.

Emerson: I’m excited to think we’ll have an always together.

Emerson: I’m also just generally excited.

Emerson: OKAY, SPECIFICALLY EXCITED

Emerson: OHHHHH
Barbara: Yep.

Barbara: Your crotch is avoiding me.
Emerson: IT KNOWS NOT WHAT IT DOES

Emerson: HUMP ME, LLAMA MAMA

Emerson: Excuse me while I kick a hole in the wall.

Barbara: …I just… felt… where are your balls, precisely?

Emerson: Oops?
Barbara: The most romantic word in the Simlish language.

Emerson: I’m romantic!
Barbara: You’re amorous, at least.

Emerson: I’m nothing at least.

Barbara: Let me explain to you what that sounded like.
Emerson: Why aren’t you touching my shoulder?
Barbara: ‘cuz it’s all sweaty.

Emerson: What’s wrong with sweat?
Barbara: I’m postponing the inevitable deluge.

Emerson: Wow! It’s inevitable!
Barbara: Yeah, I’ve tried to evit it, to no avail.

Barbara: Is there any chance we could do this with the lights off? Under the covers?
Emerson: What, do you think this is 2049 or something?!

Mallory: Night, lump.

Barbara: Night lump indeed.

Barbara: I appreciate this extra use of technology.
Grugly2013: It’s not technology, it’s careful manipulation of in-game assets.

And careful photomanipulation.

Emerson: I appreciate the manipulation.

Emerson: I love you.

Emerson: Sorry, I didn’t have a joke for that.

Barbara: I forgive you.

Barbara: As long as you don’t stop kissing me.

Barbara: Unforgiven!

Barbara: I like you.

Emerson: I guess that’s a halfway-decent return on investment.

Emerson: As long as it appreciates over time.
Barbara: I certainly appreciate what you’re doing right now!

Not bad, ’13.

Grugly2013: I’m assuming you can do better?

Yes, effortlessly, but that’s neither here nor there.

Nikita: WE’RE NEITHER HERE
Timothy: NOR THERE
Nikita: ACTUALLY I’M ALMOST THERE…!

Barbara: Last night I had the strangest dream.
Emerson:I sailed away to China
Barbara: No…
Emerson: ♪ In a little row-boat to find ya ♪
Barbara: NO

Barbara: … ♪ -body’s gonna break-a my stride ♪

Barbara: ♪ Nobody’s gonna slow me down, oh no ♪

Barbara: ♪ I’ve got to keep on movin’! ♪
Emerson: As long as said motion is in the same vein as last night.

Barbara: So veiny.

Emerson: That’s for the blood.

Barbara: Yes.
Emerson: Yes.

Yes.

Mallory: Mornin’, lump!

Franklin: How did you know?

Franklin: I mean uh HELLO

Emerson: Yeah, mine’s always going “Hello!” in the morning, too.


Sunny Clark the Witch: Oh, is this my chapter too?

I wouldn’t go that far, no.

Sunny Clark the Witch: I got promoted to waitress.

And you got demoted to three pics.

Sunny Clark the Witch: THREE PICS?!

Sunny Clark the Witch: CAN’T WE MAKE IT JUST TWO

Looks like you’ll be making it two soon enough!

Next time: two families, alike indignant.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 8 May 2013.

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