The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 560

Click Here for Previous Entries!

In which cheaters gonna.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Why do people want “back”? I only ever notice mine when it hurts.

Xavier the Warlock: Baby, you don’t got back.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I’ve got advertising instead.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I just realized I hate reading.

That happens to me occasionally now, too.

Xavier the Warlock: I love reading!
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: It’s all fun and games until someone weeps.

Xavier the Warlock: You need to keep up with your magic studies.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: There’s only so much reading you can do on the subject of neutrality.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I’m sorry you had to see me like that, Mrs. Sluttyfur.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Thanks for looking that one up.

The outcome was its own reward.

Xavier the Warlock: I’ve got a hankering for Chinese food. I was thinking we could go out tonight.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I was thinking you could go out right now.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Assume it’s an innocent prank.

Xavier the Warlock: IT SURE FEELS INNOCENT

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Sorry, Xav, but I’ve got a hankering too.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: And unlike Chinese food, it’s for something I can actually get!

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Apello Homo Alius!

Victor: What did you call me?

Victor: AAAGH! GOTH!

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I think Xavier’s under a cheating curse.

Victor: I think you’re externalizing.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: So internalize me.

Victor: I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret later.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: You might not want me to regret it later, but the rest of that statement is false.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I am also false.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: But I positively want you to fuck me.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I don’t see any negatives.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: You may applaud now.

Victor: I think adultery would be a bit more fun if it was harder.

Victor: Which isn’t to say I’m not getting hard!

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I dunno, though. I shouldn’t do this to Xavier. We’re gonna get married!

That’s why-

Grugly2013: That’s why I’m making you do it, yeah, I’ve got issues.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Well, let me test the waters first.
Victor: Oh yeah, baby, test my waters.

Lyndsey Price the Witch: This doesn’t look like a treatment plant.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Come in my bedroom!
Victor: There’s no way you phrased it like that accidentally.

Victor: I don’t appreciate being treated like a piece of meat!
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I’m treating you like the support system for a piece of meat.

Victor: Oh, alright. I can handle that.

Victor: As long as you handle my meat-piece.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Is it a premium cut?
Victor: Who said it was cut?

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Gross.

Victor: It totally is, though.

Victor: Oh. Hello there.

Victor: What was that for?
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Stimulation!

Victor: I don’t want any.

Victor: Okay, don’t be such a dude about this.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I can’t believe you said that.
Victor: YOU FORCED ME INTO HATE SPEECH

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Okay, so you ARE willing to fuck me, but you’re NOT willing to KISS me.
Victor: I’m complicated!

Victor: And you’re hot.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Headed, at the moment.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Okay, what if we did something tremendously more romantic, but outside of the Slow Dance context?
Victor: I think our relationship figures can support that.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: It’s good to have numbers on your side.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I’d rather you had me on my side, though.
Victor: I don’t think we have good animations for that.

I’ll work on some. They’ll be ready in seven years.

Victor: Bad luck until then.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: More like bed luck.

Victor: More like bed FUCK! Andrea.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: What?
Victor: Fuck Andrea.
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: …what?

And then he unhinged his jaw and ate her.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Jokes on you, I unhinge too.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I was never really hinged to begin with.

Victor: “The Boxers” by Victor is Gon’fucker!

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I don’t know what that was, but it sounded not funny.

Victor: Sorry, there’s no blood in my brain right now.

Mrs. Sluttyfur: Yesssss. Let the semen flowwww through you!

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I’m not up for that.

Victor: It’s okay, I hear pregnancy is a myth.

That sounds like a good name for a superhero.

Preg Nancy.

She can fire babies out like bullets.

Victor: I really hope I’m dead before he starts making these superheroes.

Victor: I like your edible underwear!

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: We’re gonna have goth sex!
Victor: Do we have to pretend not to enjoy it?

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Mind if I remove your burlap?

Victor: It was a hair shirt, actually.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Wear me instead.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Wear me out.

Victor: Wear me in.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: There should be pockets on our backs, for hands.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Like reverse kangaroos.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Baby, let’s do reverse kangaroo style!

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Actually let’s not, it’s probably a thing.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: A gross thing.

Victor: I’ve got a gross thing for you right here, honey.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: I can’t see it, but I can feel it.

Victor: Hey! Don’t wreck that, I need it.

Victor: For poopin’s.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: So, fun fact! I was dead for a bit, there.

Victor: How did you know I find death fun?!

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Well, you know what they say: Red eyes, take warning.

Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: And here I was afraid we’d run out of tropes.

Victor: Let me know when it’s gone, I don’t want to look at it.

Victor: I mean seriously, what’s love got to do? Got to do with it?

Victor: Where are we going?
Shiloh Newcastle the Witch: Taking on a new direction.

Next time: creampie in the sky.

No, not really.

But it was fun to say.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 8 May 2013.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.