The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 556

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In which look, I was doing a lot of other stuff, okay?

See? They weren’t doing shit without me anyway.

Ember: Yeah, I try not to do shits in my coffin.

Ember: I don’t even like coughin’ in my coffin.

I can see why y’all would miss sparkling dialogue like that.

Alec Prince the Damned: Did somebody say SPARKLING?!

Alec Prince the Damned: Or was it sparking?

Ember: SPARKING MEANS KISSING

Ember: On The Beverly Hillbillies, at least.

I prefer Green Acres.

Ember: I prefer STAY-AT-HOME HOUSEMATES

Ember: I think we’re gonna need new furniture.

Ember: Maybe I’ll try breaking it.

Richard: Hey, are you playable right now? Gotta get my face in front.

Ember: We’re not doing your storyline now! We’re doing the witch one.
Richard: Which one?

Ember: You can come over, but you might get murdered.

They call that a reality subtext.

This one’s for all your pregnant vampire fetishists.

Yeah.

All of you.

Pullejaceus, the Black Bag of Bequests: I OPEN

Pullejaceus, the Black Bag of Bequests: AND EXPEL

Pullejaceus, the Black Bag of Bequests: I GIVE THE GIFT OF BAD MUSIC

Ember: Yeah, an eldritch abagination just gave me a karaoke booth.

Richard: You’re so hot when you’re nonsense.

Richard: And also at all other times.

Here’s a sign I’m behind: I honestly have no recollection of Richard becoming a vampire.

Richard: Oh, hey, the magic bag was here!

Ember: ♪ Vampiric is the state to be ♪
Richard: ♪ Blue-tinged is the face for me! ♪

Ember: ♪ Trapped sleeping in a dead-man box ♪
Richard: ♪ Keep karaoke, just gimme that Ember Fox ♪

Ember: ♪ Richard Flint is who I’d rather fuck!
Richard: ♪ I’m willing for a midnight suck! ♪

Ember: ♪ I’ll take you to the edge of joy ♪
Richard: ♪ Fuck me gentle, I’m still a new vampire boy ♪

Ember: ♪ We swore! ♪

Richard: ♪ We’re whores! ♪

You didn’t finish the song.

Richard: No, but we were finished with it.

Richard: Hey, I’ve got an idea, fuck vampirism.

Richard: Is this the Fuck Vampirism Hotline?

Richard: Don’t speak, we don’t know your name.

Richard: Yeah, don’t even open your mouth, it’s fine.

Thanks man 🙂

Richard: So, will this… no, still not worth making him look you up.

Richard: Go away, this scene can’t progress any further.

Richard: I got us not death!
Ember: It’s what I’ve always wanted!

Ember: My whole life has been dedicated to not being dead!

Ember: Except that part where I was.

Richard: I’m glad you’re past that part.

Ember: I’m glad you like my present parts.

Ember: My present participles.

Richard: Here’s to swiggin’ with blue sexy bigguns!

Richard: Watch my arm.

Ember: Did it break, or something?

Richard: I dunno! It’s hard to tell when you break something, when you’re dead.

Ember: …are you sure this stuff is legit?
Richard: No, I wouldn’t let the gypsy talk, so.

Ember: That’s RAAAA-AAAAA-AAAACIIIIIIST…!

Richard: You’re RAAAAAAA-AAAAAA-CIIIIIIIST

Ember: Oh god, my leg, oh god, I can’t look. Is it bad? It feels bad.

Ember: THIS FEELS WORSE

Ember: Copycat.

Ember: Ah, mortality!
Richard: It’s what’s for mortals!

Richard: Like us.

Ember: Love us.

Ye gods, you need a makeover.

Wait, I’m ye gods!

AGAIN WITH THE MOUTHS

You know what, fuck you guys.

I was gonna delete this pic, but at least she’s staring at his bulge so that’s funny.

Grugly2013: Dude, how many pics DID you delete?

…not any?

Grugly2013: So how did we transition to THIS?!

YOU TELL ME

Ember: I think I have a more important announcement to make.

Ember: At MAXIMUM VOLUME
Richard: I love maximum volume!

Richard: You’re yelling so hard, I’m hoarse.

Richard: As in, cut it out.

Ember: “CUT IT OUT” IS RIGHT

Richard: Why would a virtual world have painful pregnancy?

Ember: THREE YEAR LONG PAINFUL PREGNANCY

And here we have… uh…

Ember’s baby.

Oh, neat! The heavens on high recognize the cosmic import of…

…Ember’s baby.

Ember: You don’t know what-

I don’t know what I called her, no.

Richard: You know she’s a “she,” at least!

Nope! That’s just what popped into my head.

Richard: Are you proud of your baby?
Ember: Nope! It’s just what popped out of my womb.

Ember: See? There’s more where that came from.

Ember: I’ll name them if they make it to toddlerhood.

Yeah, that’s a lovely pic, ’13.

Grugly2013: It’s specifically for your to tell the audience what their name is.

Yep! I can see that.

Richard: Well hey, maybe he’ll open SimPE for you some day.

I can perhaps be persuaded.

Wait, why…

Grugly2013: If you’re not looking shit up, I’m gonna stop taking pics.

Richard: If you’re gonna stop taking pics, we’re gonna get up to some freaky shit.

Grugly2013: Or you could do it on camera?

Richard: Why do I feel like I’m the subject of an unfavourable comparison right now?

Hahaha, “now.”

Although compared to what I’m doing right now, you’re doing pretty well.

Richard: While the doing’s good.

Richard: It’s like being stalked by a sex monster.

Richard: Which is to say AWESOME

Richard: Even if it is a slow-motion sex monster.

Ember: Gotta pad the chapter out somehow!

Yeah, ‘cuz I’m not behind enough as it is already.

I like how their boobs get bigger when they do this.

Richard: I like it too.

I meant it just as a general comment on how weird that is.

Richard: I did not.

Richard: I didn’t think big tits were your thing, though, Ember.
Ember: Well I didn’t think you were six feet tall!

Richard: Not thinking makes it not so.

Ember: Welp.

Ember: Haha more like whelp.

Ember: What? It was a joke.

Richard: Jokin’ hot.

Grugly2013: Alright, fuck these two.

It’s fine, they’ll fuck each other.

Next time: villains gonna vil.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 7 May 2013 to 8 May 2013.

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