The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 554

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In which itches itch.

Oliver: But which itch is which?

Chelsea: Shut up, dude.

Chelsea: Wait! I just remembered a crazy technique my mom taught me for shutting dudes up!

Oliver: Do the dudes like the technique?
Chelsea: As long as they like the techniquetrix.

Oliver: You definitely earned your trixitude, Chel.

Oliver: I feel six feet tall when I kiss you!
Chelsea: Yeah, how ’bout that.

Oliver: How ’bout THIS

Oliver: MAN I love that shirt.
Chelsea: Awesome! I’ll never take it off, then.

Oliver: I WILL

Chelsea: Go for the panties first.

Chelsea: I suddenly don’t want them.

Oliver: You do love me.
Chelsea: Was there ever any doubt?
Oliver: Yeah, that’s why I said it.

Chelsea: Fair enough.

Oliver: I knew you were the girl for me when you cheated on that dumb paper dude. And I double knew when that dumb paper dude turned into a zombie and ate my brain.
Chelsea: Yeah, you were never very good at critical thinking, were you.

Chelsea: Alright, that’s enough sappy stuff.
Oliver: Am I embarrassing you?
Chelsea: No, but you’re making me feel things I’m going to need to not be feeling later.

Oliver: What does that mean?
Chelsea: It’s so hot that you’re too dumb to know.

Oliver: Show me how he showed you how to take a shit.

Yeah, thanks, that’s the FUCKING Quote of the Day now.

GREAT.

Chelsea: I feel very good about my relationship choices.

Chelsea: BOTH OF THEM

Chelsea: He is LITERALLY RIGHT THERE
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Well unless he’s not planning to flush, we’ll have an early warning.

Oliver: ♪ Don’t give me no hands unclean world ♪

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Just call me your flat-head screw-driver, baby.

Chelsea: I won’t, but it was funny once.

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: How can you stand it?
Chelsea: What?
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Being so hot?
Chelsea: I can’t! That’s why I’m wearing so little.

Oliver: She loves me!

Sure.

Oliver: I can put my hair back!

What?

Oliver: She loves me, so I don’t have to play to her Turn-Ons.

Well, it’s probably a good idea to have something to blame what’s going to happen next on, anyway.

Oliver: That sentence left a bad taste in my brain.

This image leaves a bad taste in my nose.

Chelsea: I permit you to leave a taste of your choice in my mouth.

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I choose tongue-taste.

YASSS NEW QUOTE

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Your tongue tastes stronger.

Chelsea: I can untie cherries stems with it.

Oliver: Yeah, but, you see, I have to put him here.

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Isn’t this exciting?
Chelsea: Yes, it’s good being bad.

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Only when you’re good at it.

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: And you’re bad at being good.

Chelsea: A MAN WHO TAKES OUT THE GARBAGE
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: AND IT ISN’T EVEN MINE

Oliver: I think this should count for something.

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: This is how people who think they’re alpha males think the real world works.

Oliver: Whoops, hahaha, sorry, broke my arms.

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Yet another advantage I have over him.

Chelsea: He never started a zombie apocalypse, though.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I didn’t start it. I was just the initial investor.

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Speaking of which, I’mma go deposit in your shitter while you make me more future-shit.

Chelsea: He’s one o’ them romantic poets, he is.

Oliver: We could use a little romance around here.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Careful what you wish for.

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: You know, there are many different kinds of prison.

Chelsea: You offering to bust me out?

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I would do anything for bust.

Oliver: Sing Objects In The Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are!

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I won’t do that.

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I’ll do that, though.

Chelsea: So you keep saying.

Oliver: So, what’s your name?
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Read the nameplate.

Oliver: Why were you Meat Loafing my wife?

Oliver: …well?
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Yes, I was doing it well, thank you.

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I’m an investment banker. I’m here to invest in her bank.

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Also, as you can see, I’m a warlock. We lock wars!
Oliver: Oh, that’s good! You don’t want those getting loose.

There are also kids here.

I do not at the moment care about them.

Oliver: Yeah, they’re kinda like ghosts, only they eat your food.

Some ghosts do that.

Oliver: I guess they might actually be dead, then?

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Look, man, we got off on the wrong foot. I only have the sexiest of intentions towards your wife.
Oliver: Say that again?
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Nah.

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: I just want you to know that you can trust me! And her.
Oliver: Oh, I already know I can trust her.
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Hahaha idiot.

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Sorry, I’ve had that weird cough for a while now.
Oliver: NO ‘RONA

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: You’re a very lucky man, Oliver Murphy.
Oliver: I mean… not on average.

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: You’ve got a lovely house, and a beautiful wife!
Oliver: That’s what I keep asking myself!

Oliver: Now please leave before we need to change the song of the day to The Talking Heads.

Chelsea: YES PLEASE LEAVE

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: ’til we meet again.
Oliver: Hopefully not?
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: That goes double for me.

Oliver: He doesn’t want to come back!
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Or I just don’t want you to see me coming.

Chelsea: I do.

Oliver: He’s right, though. I’ve got the most beautiful wife in the whole wide world!
Chelsea: You sure do got me!
Marco Vendachi the Warlock: But we’ll see who ends up having her.

Marco Vendachi the Warlock: Shit for brains.

Chelsea: I’m gonna take a bath.
Oliver: Why?
Chelsea: Is there more than one possible reason?

Oliver: I guess not, since I rid my house of potential bath-companions!

Oliver: Shit for brains.

Chelsea: You’re gonna make me wait another day?

There need to be some drawbacks to your perfidy.

Next time: drawbaths and profligacy.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 7 May 2013.

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