The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 536

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In which I’m pumped ‘cuz my second SCP article isn’t being shat on. Yet?

Anyway welcome to what is now The Brothers Who Don’t Talk Chronicles, apparently.

Wendell: YOU DIDN’T TELL ME WE WERE CHRONICLING

Dirk: I don’t even KNOW WHAT THAT WORD MEANS

Pictured: how I usually feel when I have to play, or write about, FRIDAY and/or WEDNESDAY.

Dirk: That’s also how I feel about romance.

Wander Murphy the Witch: This is how I feel about Romance.

I feel like Romance has a stupid name.

Romance: You named me.

So I feel like I must be right.

Romance: And I feel like I must be in love!
Wander Murphy the Witch: Yes, we’ll sign a contract to that effect later.

Romance: I remember this place! I had sex with William in here.

Those are Cameron’s memories.

Romance: Cameron’s memories are my memories. Up to a point.

Is that weird for you?

Romance: Not really, you’ve forgotten to write any consequences for it, so.

Wendell: A door?!?! I hate comings and goings!

Wendell: A DOOR TO WORK?!?!?!

Romance: I’m gonna have to ask Andrew how he came up with a bomb that only affects furniture, carpet and wallpaper.

Wander Murphy the Witch: I mean, go ahead? I’m right here.

Romance: I don’t want to think of you as Andrew.
Wander Murphy the Witch: Then stop making me think of you as Cameron.

I mean, the more I think of you as them, the more I’ll like you, but hey. Do what you gotta.

Romance: So… clean this shit up, or cover it up?

Wander Murphy the Witch: What do you think?

Romance: I think I’m glad I don’t have to scrub, though I wouldn’t mind watching you do it.

Romance: Or doing it with you.

Wander Murphy the Witch: That part’s a given.

Wander Murphy the Witch: …except I’m super tired right now.
Romance: Oh thank god, me too.

Wander Murphy the Witch: I didn’t really want to have to fake my first time, y’know?

Romance: Hopefully you won’t have to fake any time.
Wander Murphy the Witch: Fat chance.

Romance: You know what ELSE is fat?

I wonder what determines a gender-swapped clone’s dick size.

UGH I COULD TELL THAT WAS THE QUOTE OF THE DAY AS I TYPED IT

IT’S DICKS ALL THE WAY DOWN BABY

Romance: Don’t be down on dicks.

Grugly2013: She’s cute.

Yep.

Grugly2013: Does that make me gay?

I wish. We’d have better romantic options.

Grugly2013: So, you’re saying I’m still single in 2020.

Does that somehow come as a surprise to you?

Grugly2013: It doesn’t have to be surprising to be depressing.

Grugly2013: I’ve kinda got my eye on someone right now.

Well, unless they’re a Sim, you’re wasting your time.

Grugly2013: Eyeing my Sims isn’t a waste of time?

Unlike all the girls you know, your stupid Sims story stays in your life pretty consistently.

Pullejaceus, the Black Bag of Bequests: BOW BEFORE ME, MECHANICALS

Pullejaceus, the Black Bag of Bequests: I REMAIN A FONT OF FONTS

Penny: Look upon my works, ye mighty, and be marginally richer.

Pullejaceus, the Black Bag of Bequests: YEAH THAT

Just another day in whatever the fuck this is.

I was gonna type “Alright, I’m adding your long-ass name to my autocomplete.”

BUT IT WAS ALREADY IN THERE.

Pullejaceus, the Black Bag of Bequests: I AM BECOME RECURRENT CAST

Pullejaceus, the Black Bag of Bequests: I GIVE THIS GIFT OF MUSIC

I don’t remember who she’s engaged to.

Grugly2013: Then nobody does.

HOUSE REMODEL TIME!

I have nothing to say about it.

Ooh, open concept!

I guess awkward claustrophobia is “out” this year.

One of those drapes isn’t getting lit properly.

Grugly2013: Fam.

Yes, this is definitely an improvement.

I can already imagine all the cool and terrible things that will happen here.

Look who’s finally taking some pride in ownership!

Grugly2013: I am become bourgeoisie, destroyer of taste.

Wander Murphy the Witch: Stop tasting my armpits.

Oh, thank god, a better quote.

A match made in science.

Wander Murphy the Witch: I think of us as a matched pair of second chances.

Romance: Except our first chances are together again, too.
Wander Murphy the Witch: Yeah, but they’re fucked.

Wander Murphy the Witch: Unlike us, and our inexplicable non-fuckery.

Romance: I get soft when I’m tired.

Romance: And hard when I wake!

Wander Murphy the Witch: Who says Romance is dead.

Romance: YESSS! That’s all the possible Romance jokes, dealt with!

Wander Murphy the Witch: I love that you’re leaving.

She’s a keeper.

Romance: Of what? Terrible secrets?

Yes.

Next time: exactly the wrong kind of generational romance story.

…wait, no, not what that sounds like.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 2 May 2013 to 3 May 2013.

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