The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 535

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In which shoo, real characters, shoo!

Vanessa: And who’s this little lady?
Cameron Price the Witch: That’s a cat, you fucking moron.

Vanessa: I’m glad we’re getting along.
Cameron Price the Witch: Just you wait’ll I learn me one o’ them toad spells.

God, look at that. “ll I l.” Horrifying.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Yeah, if I made up a language, I’d probably avoid having two completely identical symbols in it?

Amin: I can’t believe you put snow on my dick.

Pierce: I can’t believe you put your snow chair in more snow.

Jeannie: I can’t believe how human he looks!
Amin: I can’t believe how racist that is.

Jeannie: Oh, I guess it was kinda racist.
Amin: Yeah, comparing me to a filthy human.

Jeannie: TURNABOUT’S FAIR PLAY!
Romance: Don’t bother turning about.

Amin: Romance is behind you!
Jeannie: It is? I don’t remember any…

Romance: Is that taxi for you?
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: On this occasion, yes.

WEDNESDAY: Bye, you insufferable pedant!
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Love you too!

Amin: I’ll try not to hate your clone.
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Meh, she gets what she gets.

Vanessa: And I get what she gets.
Cameron Price the Witch: Me she?
Vanessa: You she.

Cameron Price the Witch: Pretty sloppy segue.
Vanessa: We’re late in the game, all the good sentences are used up.

Jeannie: Don’t track that snow into my house!
Andrew Murphy the Warlock: …you mean the sidewalk?
Jeannie: DO YOU SEE ME LIVING ANYWHERE ELSE!?

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: No, I definitely don’t see that happening.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Bye, mail hobo.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Also bye, best house ever.

Second-best house ever.

Andrew Murphy the Warlock: Fuck that other house, it’s full of shitheads.

#1 Main Street West: Bye!

Romance: Things I don’t need to happen again: being inside a house when it talks.

Romance: FUCK YEAH PIANO

WEDNESDAY: Fuck yeah fuck yeah.

Romance: Fuck no.

Romance: It’s boring here without the established characters.

I left you WEDNESDAY and Amin.

Romance: Yeah, that’s what I said.

Romance: This is like one of those doomed spinoffs where tertiary characters are expected to carry the hour!

You’ve definitely got a point there.

Romance: NON-EUCLIDEAN WATER

Dirk: It says “I can’t tell you apart from your brother so you get his grades instead.”
Wendell: Guess you get to do half my homework, then!

Romance: I CAN HOLD A DAMN MOP, YOU FIX THIS THING
FRIDAY: OH WHAT BECAUSE I’M A FUCKIN’ ROBOT I’M AUTOMATICALLY A MECHANICAL GUY?!
Romance: “ROBOT” AND “MECHANICAL GUY” MEAN THE SAME FUCKING THING

Samantha: Wait, am I home? I heard this was the best house ever, but it doesn’t look familiar.

Speaking of familiars, the witch is back.

Romance: You’re leaning on a lot of already-made jokes lately.

Can’t very well lean on them otherwise, now, can I.

Wander Murphy the Witch: Lean on me.

Romance: How ’bout I lean into you, instead?

Wander Murphy the Witch: Oh, uh, hi.
Romance: Sure, why not.

Amin: Anybody want my chopped-up burnt dick?

Amin: It’s a kind of fish.

Wander Murphy the Witch: It’s so hot how you’re eating that dick.

Amin: Let me get a shot of you eating my dick.

Romance: It’s my fault, I told him to serve up some new jokes.

Dirk: I’m carving naked ladies into this book.

Wander Murphy the Witch: This is the best dick I’ve ever had!
Romance: How much dick have you had?
Wander Murphy the Witch: Just this dick you see here.

Samantha: And they wonder why we turn to drugs at a young age.
Bethany: Actually I was just wondering who the fuck you are and why you’re here.

Adults know to just roll with it.

Wander Murphy the Witch: I’d like to just roll with him!

I think a notable percentage of my jokes are basically this joke, now.

Romance: I’d like to note her percentage.

Romance: In the butt.

Romance: You didn’t need to smack my nuts with a frying pan.
Wander Murphy the Witch: It was kind of a “want” thing.
Romance: Who even keeps a frying pan in their bedroom?

Romance: You nutcracker.
Wander Murphy the Witch: Sweet!

Wander Murphy the Witch: Wow, those are nice hands!
Romance: Right?

Romance: And they fit right around your neck!
Wander Murphy the Witch: So romantic!

Wander Murphy the Witch: HAHA EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS ROMANTIC
Wendell: …hi?
Wander Murphy the Witch: BY DEFAULT

Romance: Man, that dick filled me right up!

Wander Murphy the Witch: I bet my clone’s filling Vanessa right up.

Wander Murphy the Witch: With his dick.

…Vanessa… cheated… on Abigail?

The fuck does that even mean.

Romance: Right?!

Romance: Why are we flirting in the hallway.

Wander Murphy the Witch: I guess we could move this into the bedroom!
Romance: I’m all for bedroom motion, me.

It’s rare, being able to spot a doomed relationship this early.

But if Sid and Nancy had clones, man, you probably wouldn’t encourage them to get it on.

Romance: Too late! She’s already on me.

Wander Murphy the Witch: It’s never too late for doom.

Grugly2013: I don’t get to be in this one?
Romance: I’m the only one getting in, tonight.

As long as it’s just her mouth you’re talking about, ‘cuz there’s only three more pics.

Romance: Picture this: giant, twin, orbiting, vaginas.

Romance: What? It could happen!

If you two can happen, anything can.

Next time: anything does!

Something, at least.
This chapter depicts gameplay from 2 May 2013.

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