The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 533

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In which I’ll have a hard time escalating the wackiness, frankly.

Mason: I can’t believe you cheated on me!
Belinda the Malevolent: I can’t understand my cheating on you.

Belinda the Malevolent: What the fuck are you talking about?
Mason: You were sneaking around my back with that dead dude!
Belinda the Malevolent: I gave you sentience like SIX HOURS AGO! I’m ENGAGED to this dead dude! And you didn’t see us doing ANYTHING romantic!
Mason: Revenge killing is romantic!

Belinda the Malevolent: You’re an idiot. Go stand in the tree like an idiot.

Brett: Oh, it’s another one of those nights, is it?

Rip Co. Wobbly Wabbit Head: Yesssss…

Belinda the Malevolent: I’m gonna have to ask you to get over your nonsense, statueman.
Mason: I can’t help it if my brain is granite.

Belinda the Malevolent: So, you have… outfits.
Mason: And there’s a big ol’ statue dick in all of them, apparently!

Mason: I like your outfits better.

Belinda the Malevolent: OW.
Mason: Sorry, it doesn’t really compress.

Belinda the Malevolent: That’s okay, mine compresses enough for both of them.

Mason: You have a dick, too?
Belinda the Malevolent: Shut up.

Belinda the Malevolent: You’re my dick.

Belinda the Malevolent: I want to pillow-pound you.

Belinda the Malevolent: Yep! This is what I meant, alright!

Mason: I can’t feel anything!

Why did you animate a statue?

Belinda the Malevolent: You told me to make my own storyline. I made my own storyline.

Mason: Oh gosh, what’s this feeling?!

Trepidation.

Mason: It’s my un-favourite.

Brett: Hi, what?

Not at all troubling.

Brett: I’mma gonna walk into traffic now.

Brett: BOO DEAD GUY YOU SUCK

I mean, technically, it was Prof. Rebecca doing the sucking.

We should move Kendra and Lucas over here, make this the Failed Gen 2 Move-Ins cemetery.

Mason: I don’t like this pathing blocker.

Mason: I forgive you for whatever the fuck.
Belinda the Malevolent: As long as there’s fuck involved.

Mason: Hahaha, I can’t feel that!
Belinda the Malevolent: It feels like sandpaper, on my end.

Belinda the Malevolent: I think I can fix that “no feeling” problem.
Mason: Is it safe?
Belinda the Malevolent: You’re an animate statue. Nothing about this is “safe.”

Speaking of things that aren’t safe, LEAVE

GREETING IS THE OPPOSITE OF LEAVING

Prof. Rebecca: Hey, aren’t you William Sharpe?
Mason: He’s a little less grey?

Mason: I’m Mason! I’m a statue of William Sharpe which has attained sentience.
Prof. Rebecca: You sound too smart to be a statue of William Sharpe.

Prof. Rebecca: The hotness checks out, though.

Mason: I’m a statue of William Sharpe if he attained sentience.

Mason: I’ve got a nine-inch dick made of solid stone, baby.

Prof. Rebecca: I was gonna ask after Jerome, but suddenly now not so much.

Mason: Oh, that guy died.
Prof. Rebecca: Of course he did.

Mason: The murder witch who lives here might have a prior claim on me.
Prof. Rebecca: I’m sure she’s a nice, understanding murder witch.

Mason: Those don’t exist.

Wait, Mason can teleport?

Grugly2013: William can teleport.

Mason is just a STATUE of William, though.

Grugly2013: He’s a living statue! And you’re complaining that he can teleport?!

Mason: Oh, RIGHT in the face. Nice.

Belinda the Malevolent: That’s what she said!

Oh, good call! Nobody would ever intentionally look for something interesting in Deborah’s room.

Belinda the Malevolent: Alright, upward and… upward.

Belinda the Malevolent: Ossa proten!

Belinda the Malevolent: Now look who’s a tall drink of slaughter.

Belinda the Malevolent: I think I stretched my cleverness, too!

That’s a stretch.

I thought you were gonna make Mason a real boy.

Belinda the Malevolent: I forget things that aren’t about me pretty quickly.

Prof. Rebecca: I need to fix my face, for survivability.

I doubt Belinda will care what your face looks like.

Prof. Rebecca: It’s you I’m trying to survive.

Mason: Are you taller, now?
Belinda the Malevolent: You noticed!
Mason: Yeah, it makes you less attractive to me.

Belinda the Malevolent: Don’t make me quarry you.

Brett: DAD ATE ALL THE COOKIES BEFORE HE DIED

Prof. Rebecca: Hey, not bad!

That’s my line.

Prof. Rebecca: You weren’t saying it.

That’s true!

Brett: HIRE ME A COOKIE MAID

Sorry, Brett, but somehow I’m having trouble focusing on you right now.

Mason: I think I almost felt it that time!
Belinda the Malevolent: My humanity is wearing off on you!
Mason: Is that why you seem to have so little of it?

Mason: I have memories that aren’t mine.
Belinda the Malevolent: Haha! That sucks.

Mason: I don’t know why sucking gets such a bad rap.

Pictured: how racists feel about statues.

Belinda the Malevolent: I’m a statuaphile, myself.

Belinda the Malevolent: I love sandstone. It’s coarse and rough and stimulating, and it gets everywhere.

Are we really gonna keep this chick?

Grugly2013: Enh.

“Enh”?

Grugly2013: Do you honestly think I have some great big game plan here? Your memory must be hella short.

Prof. Rebecca: I need something to complete the look.

Have you considered clothing?

Grugly2013: He’s insane, don’t listen to him!

There’s a joke to be made about a statue having sex, involving a word very similar to the word “statue.”

I want credit for recognizing this and credit for not making the joke.

Belinda the Malevolent: You can have your statue and fuck it too, apparently.

Mason: I’m glad you made me a person.
Belinda the Malevolent: Pff, a person? Hardly.

Brett: SO HARDLY

Belinda the Malevolent: Hey, don’t! You’ll bring down the stucco.

Belinda the Malevolent: Ugh. I’ll get the vacuum.

I’m now accepting suggestions for Mason’s dickname.

I’m still not sure why dicks teleport so slowly.

DAMMIT, not ANOTHER dick Quote of the Day!

Brett: It’s a real problem.

Mason: What are we doing back here?
Belinda the Malevolent: Ending the chapter on a suitably irreverent note.

Mason: Does this count as a threesome?

Belinda the Malevolent: Honestly, Jerome could be participating directly and you’d hardly even notice.

Belinda the Malevolent: My pet name for him was “Wee Willie Winkie.”

Mason: What a loser.

Belinda the Malevolent: He certainly lost hard.
Mason: And you gained hard!

Brett: It’s just you and me against the world, Mr. Grivver.

Mr. Grivver: .oO(I’d put my money on the world, if I were you.)

Prof. Rebecca: This feels like something of a romantic setback.

Prof. Rebecca: But I choose to interpret it as an opportunity for a snack run.

Prof. Rebecca: Buns, buns everywhere.

Belinda the Malevolent: Wow. You chafed EXACTLY the right amount!

Belinda the Malevolent: And to think I was considering you for a gravel pathway.

Mason: I’m too busy sex-thinking.
Belinda the Malevolent: Hey, don’t let me stop you.

Belinda the Malevolent: I totally could stop you, though.

Belinda the Malevolent: You totally start me!

Belinda the Malevolent: Will you test the bounds of our local marriage laws with me?

Mason: Statues’ rights, baby!

Belinda the Malevolent: In aggregate you stand.

Belinda the Malevolent: It’s true! Statues are disappearing!

Belinda the Malevolent: Which is a good thing.

Yeah, if a statue is gonna come to life it might as well be a statue of a lover, not a fighter.

Mason: Unfortunately-

Unfortunately William is both, yes, good point.

Prof. Rebecca: Good point? He’s got a great point!

Mason: Why are you made of all that squishy stuff?

Prof. Rebecca: It’s for squishing, mostly.

Prof. Rebecca: The real question is, what’re you gonna do with all that hard stuff?

Next time: I mean, it’s gonna be a let-down after animate statues and grave-sex, so why even bother telling you?

This chapter depicts gameplay from 1 May 2013.

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