The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 511

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In which hey, we’re still here, why.

Brooke: Oh, no, I’m touched in the head.

Emerson: If you think I’m so sexy, why won’t you be my girlfriend?
Brooke: Why won’t I…? You didn’t ask me to be your girlfriend! You ASKED me to have SEX with you!
Emerson: There’s a difference?

I can’t get over NATHANIEL being into SPORTS.

Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: Yeah, it’s kinda like YOU being into ROMANCE.

Yeah.

heyyyy.

Franklin: Single beds.
Mallory: Why even.

Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: Because sleeping with other people, I don’t know if you know this, is gross and uncomfortable.

Emerson: I’ve got brothers I can’t even tell apart.

Emerson: And I spent years trapped in a basement cave with them.

Emerson: Naked.

Brooke: Oops, spontaneous shoe explosion. Gotta go now.

Emerson: You’re not getting away that easily!
Brooke: Perhaps the least romantic words ever spoken!

Emerson: Your cleavage smells like paper money.
Brooke: I stand corrected.

Brooke: How are you raising your ART hobby right now?
Emerson: I guess because there isn’t a horniness hobby.

There totally should be.

Emerson: FUCK ME LIKE A TEDDY BEAR

Brooke: Whaaat.

Emerson: Don’t tell me YOU’VE never fucked a teddy bear.
Brooke: Don’t tell me you HAVE!

Emerson: I’ve lived a lonely life.
Brooke: Well, no wonder! Once you go plush, you never… go… okay, basically nothing rhymes with that.

Emerson: Can we talk about our relationship, instead of my bad joke about teddy bear fucking?
Brooke: WAS it a joke, though?
Emerson: The future is what we make of it, Brooke.

Emerson: And the past is just a series of retcons.

Brooke: Mine’s just a series of transactions.

Emerson: Oh! You’re mad I didn’t offer to pay you for sex!
Brooke: As long as you understand that.

Yo dude I heard you like hearts.

Emerson: Hearts are pretty okay.

Brooke: Am I also pretty okay?
Emerson: And pretty, okay!

Brooke: I accept payment in compliments, just so you know.

CLANG

I know it looks like I Photoshopped the mailbox in there, but I didn’t.

If I had, you’d know, because you wouldn’t be able to tell.

Brooke: Stop poking holes in my jeans.
Emerson: It’s not my fault, the hands always clip in this animation.
Brooke: I’m NOT talking about your HANDS.

Emerson: Well, sorry, but the blood flow wants what the blood flow wants.

Emerson: You make my dick bloody, baby.

Emerson: Do with that what you will.
Brooke: Do with your dick what I will?

Emerson: Well. Anything short of removal is probably okay.
Brooke: Can I put it in a vase?

Brooke: Hey, dude, why’s this mirror so high?
Emerson: Yeah, I dunno, it’s kind of a pothead.

Brooke: How do I look?

…less generic, anyway.

Brooke: Hey, man, don’t go out of your way to flatter me, or nothin’.

Brooke: I think I look-

CRASH

Brooke:bleeding.

Emerson: Seven years bad luck!
Brooke: Maybe it was retroactive.

Emerson: Hey baby, wanna be in a pic that establishes the mirror as not having broken, thus ruining the jokes on the previous pics?

So I’m recording lectures for my students to watch.

For the first time today, I got through a fifty-minute stretch without fucking up, and then shouting and cursing and stomping my feet.

I’m pretty much 100% sure I’ll eventually forget to edit one of those hissy fits out, and upload it, and get fired.

Brooke: Who is he talking to?
Emerson: Himself.

Brooke: Well! We technically just spent the night together.
Emerson: Will you still respect me in the afternoon?

Brooke: I don’t respect you NOW.

Speaking of people who don’t deserve respect…

Past!Grugly: Uhh… uhh… I didn’t forget to raise the second floor, the second floor was ON VACATION.

Past!Grugly: Hey! Wait a second! You jumped down my throat, and yet, look! I fixed the problem!

It’s not my fault I assumed you wouldn’t!

Past!Grugly: ALL YOUR ARGUMENTS WITH YOURSELF ARE YOUR FAULT

Emerson: DOUBLE your fault, even!

…enh. She’s marginally acceptable.

I marginally accept her.

Mallory: I hope we pay these ghosts who lift up our sheets every morning.

Mallory: Why are YOU here?
Emerson: Because whenever the Maker sees two people in love, he tries to fuck it up.

Emerson: So, let’s get this awkward interaction over with.

Emerson: Yes! YES! That’s SUPER fuckin’ awkward!

Emerson: I’m trying to get a hard-on, to make it WORSE, but… yeah, you really aren’t doin’ it for me.

Mallory: We need a custom Knee in the Groin interaction.

Mallory: BEST FRIEND ARM WRESTLE

Mallory: So… you’re gonna leave now, right?
Emerson: I thought the chapter was ending.

Mallory: Has anything even HAPPENED in the chapter, yet?
Emerson: I mean, does anything USUALLY?

Mallory: I wonder why our lives are so… normal, lately.
Emerson: I bet the worst is behind us!
Mallory: What, like… holding a knife?

Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: Mornin’, wood.

This is like that shot in the special edition of The Empire Strikes Back where they took a piece of footage from Return of the Jedi to show Vader flying back to the Executor, because they thought the audience would otherwise be like BUT WE DIDN’T SEE HIM GETTING THERE HOW DID HE GET THERE?!?!?

By which I mean I should have cut this pic.

Nathaniel: Does this thing get the porn channel?
Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: The… porn channel.
Nathaniel: Yeah! The computerbox porn channel!

Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: Honestly, somehow, I expected the mindwipe to make you SMARTER.

And then she hurled herself off the balcony.

Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: I considered it.

Mallory: We doing that Three Stooges bit with the doors, now?

Franklin: BYE ANGELICA
Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: WHAT
Franklin: BYE ANGELICA
Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: WHAT

Mallory: Bye, Nathaniel!
Nathaniel: What?

Wait, you guys are moving out?

Nathaniel: Don’t you remember?

Seven years passing is kind of like a mindwipe.

Franklin: It’s just us tertiary characters here now, baby.
Mallory: I say we loot the place.

Oh SHIT

Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: What?

You’re going to UNIVERSITY!

Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: Very good! Now recite your times tables for me.

Blazej: Where to?
Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: MNU.
Blazej: NO, EM EN YOU!

Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: What?

Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: Pardon me while I phase out of existence.

Blazej: Pardon me while I multiply.

Brooke: Pardon me while I scream forever.

Nathaniel: Pardon me?
Brooke: I’ll ask the governor.

Brooke: Try not to start any apocalypses until I get there!

Nathaniel: Do you know how to get to MNU?
Blazej: Nah, but the other me does.

Blazej: I’ll just follow him.

Nathaniel: What?

Mallory: I keep expecting the roof to fall in or something.

If this is your attempt to be gender-neutral, Past!Grugly, it would need to be a crotch shot.

Franklin: Please don’t shoot my crotch.

Next time: a white wedding.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 22 February 2013.

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