The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 510

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In which Brooke babbles.

Nathaniel: Oh, hey, is this one of those cool sitcoms where a cool old person begrudgingly monitors a group of cool young persons?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: If it is, where my cool young persons at?

Emerson: I am attracted to you.
Brooke: Aww!
Emerson: Because your apron is tight.
Brooke: Aww?
Emerson: And it reminds me of a Star Trek uniform.
Brooke: Uuugh.

Angelica: I don’t have time to watch a whole movie, so I’ll just watch a little bit of it.

Brooke: This isn’t really… a dancing sort of song.
Emerson: Aw, I dunno, I think it’s really catchy!

♪ If I saw you in heaven ♪

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: We should’ve left more windows open when your dad was a baby.

Emerson: Okay, hear me out: double penetration.

Emerson: I don’t know what it is.

Emerson: Can you explain it to me?

Emerson: It’s WHAAAAT

Franklin: Yeah, I bet the other Brooke would let you have a go.

Franklin: And while you’re gone, I’ll break my dick off in your Brooke.

Franklin: Your sister fucked my brother.

Emerson: WHY DOES THAT MAKE US BEST FRIENDS

Emerson: Hey baby, my face is stuck this way.
Brooke: HOT

Emerson: Why is it hot?
Brooke: It means you won’t mind how my face is stuck this way!
Emerson: What way is your face stuck?
Brooke: Bland.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I’m getting INCREDIBLE waves of magic radiation off of you, Nathaniel!
Nathaniel: Yeah, I sure can trip the light fantastic!

Brooke: I can’t believe I’m getting promoted to playable!
Emerson: Don’t hold your breath. I can see myself getting demoted to townie.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Let’s see if we can’t get some use out of you.
Angelica: MANY HAVE TRIED

Angelica: I hope your aim’s good. I don’t want you giving sentience to my PSP.

Angelica: Or whatever the fuck this knock-off is.

God.

A knock-off PSP.

Angelica: Right?

That’s, like… a Steve Harvey impersonator. Why would you even WANT one.

Angelica: Luckily no-one ever asks me what I want!

Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: Alright, who’s got a mirror.

Brooke: When you ask me to marry you, make sure you buy a real diamond ring.
Emerson: I haven’t even asked you OUT, yet.
Brooke: I know, I just want you to start saving your money, if necessary.

Emerson: YOU’RE SO CONSIDERATE

Brooke: Please don’t put your cigars out in a clam’s mouth.
Emerson: …okay!

Brooke: Or press a huge red button in front of a porthole, with a flashlight.
Emerson: I’m gonna need you to write these down.

Where’d the pink go?

Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: The pink life didn’t un-choose me. I unchose the pink life.

Brooke: Wait, if I stop being an NPC… what do I do with my time?
Emerson: Whatever you want to?
Brooke: I’VE NEVER HAD TO WANT THINGS BEFORE

Brooke: How do you manage it?
Emerson: Allow me to introduce you to the concept of wasted potential.

Brooke: So wait, you’re saying I can just slope around all day like an idiot, and nobody will even mind?!
Emerson: They’ll even make excuses for your ignorance!
Brooke: Man, being a teenager sounds AWESOME!
Emerson: Being a…? I was talking about being rich.

Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: You forgot white.

Brooke: Is that your brother’s name?

Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: REMIND ME TO PICK UP SOME ROOF CUSHIONS


Night-time already?

Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: Nah, I crashed into the sun.

Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: Broke the damn thing.
Brooke: Suuuucks.
Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: HOW IS SHE HERE

Richard: The cash register is her horcrux.

Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: You’ve got a great ear for situationally-appropriate references, my man.

Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: With emphasis on the MY.
Sullivan: Women can’t own property.

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Oh, sure, EVERYONE’s a witch now. PERFECT.

Angelica Price-Murphy the Witch: It’s okay, we know you got into it before it was cool.

By default, it became cool after ALVIN was doing it.

And NOT because of.


Mallory: Okay, SERIOUSLY. What’s the overarching plot about, now?

A glacially-slow burn of dread as the magic plot unwinds at the speed of continental drift.

Mallory: And WHO IS THIS IN MY THOUGHT BALLOON?

That would be the Ghost of Who Gives a Fuck.

Franklin: If you find out who gives a fuck, can you get them to give it to me?

Mallory: I give a fuck!
Franklin: I’m open! I’M OPEN!

I dunno, I feel like those pants are ideologically freighted.

Wearing Melanie pants of any colour around here is kind of like getting Hugo Boss to make your military uniforms.

Sends entirely the wrong message.

Mallory: Stop making cryptic history references.

If I do that, you all cease to exist.

Emerson: Wanna come over to my place, and cease to not exist?

Nathaniel: Where do NPCs go when they’re not loaded, anyway?
Emerson: I always imagine them hiding in our trash cans.

Emerson: C’mere, ya big suck.
Brooke: DON’T CALL ME A SUCK

Brooke: Don’t call me FOR a suck, either.

Franklin: Bad news, guys. Somebody jizzed on the sky.

Brooke: Your brother’s a weirdo.
Emerson: He is! That was my uncle, though.

Mallory: My arm’s stuck.

I’ve seen porn that starts like this.

Mallory: You’ve seen INCORPOREALITY PORN?

Emerson: Hey baby, wanna make some corporeality porn?

Brooke: No, I don’t want to see myself naked.

Emerson: You could let me see you naked, and I could tell you if it’s alright…

I’ve never even seen that one before.

I think it expresses contempt for cinnamon hearts.

I guess it’s always somewhere over my head, then.

Which explains why I’ve never seen it!

Brooke: Thank god for raised foundations.

You’re welcome.


Brooke: Oh, wow! I didn’t know there was a bland restaurant for bland people out here!

Romance: It’s my favourite place for picking up desperate chicks.

Brooke: Is that guy a relative of yours?
Emerson: I can’t see him, but probably.

Xavier the Warlock: We’re more of a strata than a family.

Esther: What can I get you?
Brooke: A cash register.
Emerson: Uh…
Brooke: Okay, okay, sorry. Uh… a cash register DAMMIT

Emerson: She’s adjusting.

Brooke: I don’t know if I am.

Brooke: So, food’s pretty great. How often do you get to have it? Every few years?

Brooke: Oh, wow! I can summon small objects with my mind, now!
Emerson: I’ll drink to that!

Brooke: You’re a teenager, you’ll drink to anything.
Emerson: I’ll drink to that!

Emerson: That’s TWO drinks, if anyone’s counting.

Brooke: Well, that was a largely pointless exercise.

You’d miss it, if you weren’t able to do it anymore.

Luckily I can live vicariously through MYSELF

And then WHAT A TWIST, he was a ghossssst the whollllllle tiiiiiiiime!

ooooooh.


Emerson: Why does she keep disappearing between lots?

The call of the void is strong, my friend.

Emerson: Are you behind a cash register again?
Brooke: DON’T TRY TO FIX ME!

Emerson: I don’t wanna get fixed either.

Nathaniel: I wouldn’t mind the extra free time, honestly…

Next time: still these people, inexplicably.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 22 February 2013.

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