The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 504

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In which indoors.

Vanessa: The reading component of secret agenthood was SEVERELY undersold to me in my training.

Chris: You got TRAINING?

Vanessa: I keep forgetting you’re one of those cereal box top agents.

Chris: I keep forgetting you’re a bitch.

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: NEVER FORGET ABOUT BITCHES

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: And how AWESOME they are!
Chris: Slam-dunked that one, boss!

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I’d like to slam-dunk y-
Chris: TAKE THE WIN AND GO

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Wanna poke?

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Is that a “yes” face, or…

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Man, I remember my days in the archives, before fieldwork, before cool hats.

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: You ladies are doing great work, here.
Vanessa: We’re spying on the Chief.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: You ladies are going to get us all killed.

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Okay, new girl.
Vanessa: I’ve been an agent for longer than you’ve been an initialized character.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: OKAY NEW GIRL

Speaking of new girls.

Cheryl: Y’all motherfuckers got a cash register?

…how did…

Vanessa: Don’t even know.

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: See what you’ve done! Stick your nose where it doesn’t belong, and BAM! ENTROPY starts spamming NPC spawns everywhere.

Vanessa: If they all spawn into the middle of desks, it’ll be a short-lived offensive.

That’s a good term for describing most of my characters.

Short lived; offensive.

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Alright, I call hall monitor duty.

Chris: Alternatively, someone competent could do it.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: I guess I used too much grease?

Chris: On ALL the guns?!

Chris: …I hear footsteps upstairs.
Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: It’s fine, that’s only where we keep our EVERYTHING.

Brandi: Piss off, I’m in a meeting.
Chris: THAT’S NOT BRANDI’S VOICE

Not sure how you can tell, in text, but okay.

Brandi: What she meant was, it wasn’t the Brandi’s voice she was thinking of.

Brandi: THIS CONVERSATION IS BRANDIS ONLY

Brandi: Why aren’t you taking care of the break-ins downstairs?!
Chris: Why do you know about the break-ins downstairs?!
Brandi: FUH FUH FUH I’M A QUESTION-ASKING LOSER

Chris: …fine, go back to talking to yourself.

Chris: But we’re ON to you, missy.
Brandi: I see you’ve reached the empty threats phase of your campaign.

Brandi: Maybe don’t fuck with me, Cory-fucker?

Brandi: ‘cuz yeah, you fuck Cory.

Brandi: And he’ll fuck you HARDER if I tell him to.

Brandi: I mean that in a negative sense.

Chris: I took it that way.
Brandi: Take it out of my BUILDING, along with the contents of your DESKS.

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Anyone cool up there?
Chris: As a fuckin’ cucumber.

Chris: But hey, good news! Your boss is probably evil.

Alvin Woodrow the Warlock: Is that good news?
Chris: Why not? It gives us all an aura of sexy danger.

Chris: There was a second Brandi in the office upstairs.
Vanessa: Ugh, not more clones.

Vanessa: So, did she fire us?
Chris: Either that, or she demoted us to janitors.

Vanessa: I ain’t cleanin’ no desks.

Dust: *settles*

Sprite: *is all jaggy*

Camera: *lingers*

Brandi: *pitches an internal fit*

Brandi: I wish secret agents had a “stupid-not stupid” switch I could flip when I need to.

Brandi #1: I wish you and I had separate names.

Brandi #2: …I’m the one in the doorframe.

Thank you.

Brandi #2: I fuckin’ TOLD you ENTROPY twats to STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE! Do you have ANY IDEA how many main characters are secret agents?!

Brandi #2: Now they know I’m evil!
Brandi #1: In what sense do they know this? All they know is you were meeting someone in your office, which is, I don’t know if you know this, what offices are FOR.

Brandi #2: NOBODY IN FICTION WALKS IN ON MEETINGS WHICH AREN’T EVIL

Brandi #1: Well, alright then. Hopefully they kill you, and I get your secret pay AND my own name back.

Brandi #1: You haven’t done a damn thing since we put you in charge here. You’re SUPPOSED to be hamstringing the SCIA, not… RUBBING THEIR DAMN FEET

Brandi #2: I put the nosy ones on doc review! How is that “not doing a damn thing?”
Brandi #1: I meant evil things. We’re evil secret agents! Wet work, not scut work.

Brandi #1: FIVE HUNDRED CHAPTERS AND OUR EVIL PLAN IS STILL UNINTELLIGIBLE!

Brandi #2: Maybe we should be advancing the plot, then, instead of yelling about how non-advanced it is?

Brandi #1: YOU CAN’T HURRY CHAOS

Brandi #2: I find fire helps with that, actually.

Next time: everybody hangs out in the dark where I can barely see them.

I’m blaming it on them.

Because they can’t respond unless I let them.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 21 February 2013.

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