The Sharpesvale Chronicles, Chapter 494

Welcome to the Sharpesvale Chronicles, an ongoing neighbourhood story in The Sims 2!
Warning: this journal may contain uncensored nudity, violence, profanity and sexual themes.

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In which the pics look so good it’s like hey, asshole, why’re you still taking them with the in-game camera, it’s time to move on up.

Minus the neighbourhood background scenery, which is still…

…hey is there a way we can improve whatever system handles that?

By “we” I obviously mean the “not-including-me” we.

Wander: My favourite wes don’t include him.

Why are you over there now.

Wander: Game probably crashed.

…yeah, maybe forget what I said about the background scenery thing.

Sure looks like someone cranked his picture settings up, though.

Begs the question of why they were cranked down…

Vanessa: Well crank me down!

Andrew: This here’s my bae.

Andrew: Hae, baebae.

Vanessa: That produced physical pain.

Vanessa: So, well done!

Andrew: Wander, this is-
Wander: I remember.
Andrew: …right, of course you do.
Vanessa: I don’t!

Vanessa: Please don’t take this the wrong way, lady, but you look like a girl version of Andrew.

Andrew: That’s the kind of discerning eye I’d expect from a woman with such tremendous taste in men!
Vanessa: I do have a lot of it!

Wander: Are you two… serious?
Andrew: Yeah, why?
Wander: I thought you already had a wife.
Andrew: Yeah, but I don’t know who’s having her right now, wherever she is.

Vanessa: Sharpestone.
Andrew: What?
Vanessa: Missing wife: probably at Sharpestone.

Wander: She has a point!
Wander: Kind like how William’s nine-inch dick has a point!
Andrew: …

Well have you seen Polythene Pam

♪ She’s so good-lookin’ but she looks like a man ♪

Nathaniel: ♪ Although she isn’t in drag, you know her face is a gag ♪

Vanessa: ♪ Oh can you playyyyy Polythene Pam ♪
Franklin: Not for NOBODY.

Vanessa: Am I nobody?
Mallory: Doesn’t really mean anything, coming from FRANKLIN.

Franklin: ♪ She came in through the bathroom window ♪
Vanessa: ♪ Or actually the front porch door ♪
Franklin: ♪ But now she sucks her thumb and wanders ♪
Vanessa: ♪ Around her new home’s first floor ♪

Franklin: ♪ Didn’t anybody tell her ♪
Vanessa: ♪ Didn’t anybody see ♪
Franklin: ♪ Sunday’s on the phone to Monday ♪
Vanessa: ♪ That doesn’t make sense to me ♪

Franklin: Welcome to the family.
Vanessa: I passed the test?
Franklin: Yes, you passed the failure test.

WEDNESDAY: Invisible mop.

Andrew: Neat.


Andrew: Hey, can I run some ideas past you?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: No, but you can run them into me. That came out wrong.

Andrew: You’re pretty hot when I can’t see you.
Mallory: So’s your brother.

Mallory: Your brother, my LOVE INTEREST.
Andrew: We’re identical, you know. He and I.
Mallory: Yes, except for almost everything about you. Yes.

Angelica: …okay, I’m pretty sure this is where I get the Shield Key.

Andrew: Mom! You’re not wearing your new outfit.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Andrew! You’re wearing that boring vacation one still.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Where’d your tweed go?
Andrew: I dunno. I’m probably done with tweed.


Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: …”dammit?”


Andrew: His anger is almost, but not quite, strong enough to make him spoil his secret.

Andrew: So, we haven’t talked much, lately.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: APPARENTLY

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Alright, well, this should help.
Andrew: Is it what I asked for? In between pics?
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Yes, it’s that thing! Which we won’t mention again, because we know what it is.

Andrew: Thanks! It’ll be invaluable for the plan I outlined.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: On the phone.
Andrew: Yeah, off-screen.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Good luck with this very important thing!
Andrew: Thanks! It feels good to know about it.

She has vunderful muscles.

Andrew: See, this is why I don’t like you fuckers messing with my stuff.

Emerson: I don’t want to show this to dad. Can I use you as my report card surrogate?

Angelica: What.

Angelica: WHAT.


Angelica: WHAT?!

Wander: We got the action queue message!
FRIDAY: You’re leaving? Why? Are you going to find my skin?
Amin: I wouldn’t bother, he’s probably gonna fry himself again in, like, an hour.

Wait, you’re ALL leaving?

Mallory: Yes, and we’ll sorely miss all the pleasant memories we have of this place.
Nathaniel: Angelica fucking our uncle.
Franklin: Kyle burning to death.
Mallory: Several years in a naked shithole.

Wander: Think of all that TWO Andrews could accomplish!
FRIDAY: Like finding my SKIN.
Wander: Or other, more INTERESTING things!

Andrew: Be safe out there.
Angelica: How.

I’ve got some plot armour lying around here somewhere you can have.

Vanessa: Man! I can see why you wanted that back!
FRIDAY: That BACK is PRECISELY what I want!

Vanessa: Sorry, I can’t really form deep, trusting relationships anymore. Because REASONS.
FRIDAY: I wasn’t hoping for trust, but I was hoping to go deep.
Wander: …so, when are you ALL leaving?

Wander: I feel like Vanessa’s going to be a distraction for him. We could have three full-time Scientist Supremes!

Wander: We could make Alvin a Scientist Supreme, and call ourselves “Abigail Young and the Scientist Supremes”!

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: We cooooould!

Andrew: So, how are you and FRIDAY getting along?
WEDNESDAY: I call him Fried Egg now.

WEDNESDAY: Because I want to serve him up on a plate and have someone eat him.

Andrew: So… better, then!

Andrew: I feel like just taking the stairs would be easier on my back.

There’s no door to your study.

Andrew: I feel like copying Sharpestone is beneath me.

Andrew: Speaking of beneath me, man! Vanessa’s got moves. Man.

Wander: See what I mean?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: No, because he’s upstairs, and I can’t hear him. Let’s keep SOME SEMBLANCE of coherent reality in this story, can we, please?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Anyway, it’ll be fine. Andrew’s not as focused as me, but I’m sure he’ll be able to come up with, oh, I dunno, an artificial life-form that turns against him and becomes the antagonist of the next major arc, or whatever terrible, interesting thing you’re hoping will happen.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: All the best scientists in fiction end up causing more harm then good. A little distraction is maybe not a bad thing, all things considerered.

Wander: I just think he spends too much time considering his thing.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: He’s a dude. They’ve got a near-constant clarion call-girl call going off in their piddly little brains.
Vanessa: Preach it, sister!
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Clam it, secondary.

Wander: But I mean… what’s next? What if he goes after his jailbird ex? I don’t think I could handle sharing a house with two love interests I was in love with before I was born.

Wendell: Alright, where’s Amin?

Penny: Those your report cards? Let me see.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: At the end of the day, Andrew’s life is Andrew’s life.
Wander: No, at the end of the day Andrew’s life is ALSO MY LIFE!

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: You’re like the daughter I never had, Wander.
Wander: You HAVE daughters.
Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Yeah, but they suck.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: They suck baaaaaad!

Vanessa: I was pretty proud of this plate of sandwiches, but there’s always someone doing something cooler, now, isn’t there.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Personally I don’t think anything is cooler than a plate of grilled cheese sandwiches.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Also apparently someone blew up my bedroom?

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Which is fine, the ambiance is appropriately witchy.

Andrew: Yeah, that’s definitely why I did it.

Andrew: …and now I’m thinking about why I did it.


Andrew: Cameron.

Andrew: I wanna kick her in her cheating parts.

Andrew: Quote of the Day?

Quote of the Day.

Andrew: Well! No point starting anything new today, then!

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: I’ve got a good thirty pics of brewing left, thank you very much.

Andrew: Turn it upside down.


Andrew: The image. Turn it upside-down!

Andrew: You know what I mean, asshole.

Andrew: You see it, right?

Yeah, I see it.

Why is why you see it.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Thanks for the extra pics! Got some new snail vomit or whatever shit stirred up!

Dirk: Ewwwwww.

Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Yeah, I’ll admit, as a mechanical engineer this magic science is a bit too biological for my tastes.

FRIDAY: Oh, this is one of those episodes where I must face my deepest fear, huh?

FRIDAY: Those always end well.

They actually do!

Andrew: Which is a great lesson for real life.

Yeah, I should, like, endanger all my loved ones and destroy my career, because FEAR IS ALWAYS BAD

Andrew: Fiction! Teaching us dumb bullshit since… LINE

1800 BCE.

Andrew: …since 1800 BCE! Thanks, historian. Wait… what’s that in ASV?


I’ll get back to you on that.

Or forget.

Bethany: I strongly recommend forgetting.

Bethany: Forgetting! It’s what’s for I don’t remember.

Andrew: How do you get sentences like that straight in your head?

I don’t get them straight. That’s how they end up the way they do.

Andrew: Your insane ramblings have prompted a breakthrough!

That’s what B-plots are supposed to do for A-plots.

And then there’s, like… D-plots.

FRIDAY: That should be his new nickname. D-Plots.
WEDNESDAY: YES! The hair-man from outer space is BO-RING!

WEDNESDAY: Oh, this is one of those episodes where I must face a deadly enemy and prevail, huh?

WEDNESDAY: Those always end-






Valerie: More like F-PLOTS!

Valerie: The seasons are changing…

Yes. Now is the winter of our disconduction.


Vanessa: Pff. Actions don’t have consequences.

Vanessa: Inaction, though…
FRIDAY: What’s the point, I’m basically a tertiary character at this point.

Vanessa: From what I hear, you were lucky to get that far.

Vanessa: Not many plot devices get to have names.

Andrew: Can… you… get… engaged… to… more… than… one…

Vermiculo, Crimson Cloud of the North: FILL MY SACK

Oh, no, my bad, she was just dropping off a vase.

Andrew: You need to weld that character in here somehow, though, that was awesome.


Yeah, not enough awesome around here already.


Abigail Young the Unambiguously Neutral Witch: Hey, what you dumb fuckers not doin’ down here?

Next time: consequences are for secondaries.

This chapter depicts gameplay from 18 February 2013.

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